Starting Your Foundation, Wiping the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in a D/s-Married Dynamic

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Starting Your Foundation, Wiping  the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in a D/s-Married Dynamic

shutterstockpdimage,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

I get questions everyday asking me how to get started. Subs wanting to get to the good stuff… They have spoken to their husbands or significant other and mentioned they would like to try this thing we do (TTWD)…. D/s. They have not started out by doing all the foundational things that HAVE to be done first. If these things are not done then your much more likely to slip and things fall apart, just as this building in the image above would if it didn’t have those steel beams.

Before the beams go up that slab has to be clean and cleared, essentially wiping the slate clean.  How do you do this? Communicate to one another… Be open and honest…  Define what BDSM, D/s, Sub, Dom, & Bondage…ect…. *****

***Every step important in a Domination and submission dynamic.

The Dynamic is based on these FOUNDATIONS : Honesty, Communication, Respect, Trust, Intimacy and you have to still have love living in your marriage. Without love you will not be able to take the steps and do the work that the lifestyle demands. 

On my FORUM there’s an Informational Section then definitions… Home › Forums › Informational Section On BDSM › Defining BDSM

Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

Take a look at what’s in the closet all or any skeletons have to come out and be dealt with.. (marital issues)…

shutterstockpd,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

Now, look under the rug… get rid of all those things swept under there. Wipe the slate clean …

 (Personal Demons)

You know those things that have been there but never settled or questions too feared to hear the answer to. Ask them get them out in the open and settled.  Better now then 10 years from now.

shutterstockpd,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

  After that your slate is clean… Move forward….Ask him “FORMALLY”, That’s a whole other post… Formal Acceptance.

TTWD… This thing we do is a LIFESTYLE…. It requires each individual to play or become their role… A Dominate role and a submissive role. Each will have a state of mind to build and keep, responsibilities come with these roles. ***This is now your task or duty to fufill.  A submissive has to stay mindful. A sub has to be submissive.. Her job is to learn and build on her submission. She has to remember she is her Dom’s possession and a tool for his pleasure. She feeds him by giving him her submission. A Dominant has to be in control. He/She are to Dominate, not domineer. He is to take complete responsibility for the D/s. He is to plan and make sure that he is making the atmosphere one where this power exchange can  grow & flourish. He is to want the best mentally and physically for his sub. Instruction and rules he will need to create and follow-up on. A Dom now has Tasks and Duties to fulfill. He has to stay ONE STEP ahead of the dynamic so that their submissive does not start to feel doubt creep in on them.

A sub wants to feel cared for and taken care of. She wants to be used & directed…….She craves it and this is how she will grow. A Dom feeds her by doing these things. A Dom & a sub have to be fed in three areas, Head, Heart and BODY……..You can feed less than the three for so long but then one of them will falter because one of the others are not being fed. You have to feed all three!

I look at eachshutterstockpd,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics journey different but all climbing the same ladder. Each couple having different dynamics. Each couple traveling the ladder at different pace. You will’s human. But, Do NOT measure yours to someone else’s. There is no scale that can weigh out or measure your apples to someone else’s oranges. Each couple has a different set of circumstances that makes them original and special. You can never repeat the same dynamic that another couple has. If you do try you’re missing out on being your own special D/s dynamics. Find the things that work build on them and let go of the things that do not work.

shutterstockpd,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

Some may skip steps and quickly climb the ladder, The submissive Hares,  but they will slip and have to go back down and hit each step eventually. Getting a good footing at each step is essential or you may have to repeat. Nothing wrong with going back and repeating and checking those steps either. Same for the slow, one step at a time… The submissive Tortoises …. It’s a good way to be. But, they go slow and don’t take any steps quickly. Remember be patient… Both of you are new…  Reach down and help each other up to the next step…. This Dynamic is TEAMWORK! One is only as good as the WHOLE. shutterstockpd,Starting Your Foundation, Cleaning the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

I live & love to inspire! I live to help create the magic for everyone wanting this fabulous lifestyle! You read those books (FSOG) … they were fiction…. a fairy tale really. You can make it a reality! Make the most of your marriage or relationship. No more power struggles, just power exchanges….

Don’t waste anymore time… I didn’t.


Have your Sir read my Sir’s blog….  (Mr. Fox)

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Starting Your Foundation, Wiping the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics

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  1. Great post- good advise – no matter where you are in your D/s walk. Skipping steps doesn’t work- I have skipped a few and you are right- you have to go back and take each step. When the foundation is good the relationship is great 🙂

  2. Thank you LK,
    Great post. We are nearing 5month of D/s . I wanted to share a few things I/ we have learned. There are many haunts,scares,skeltons to banish. Some run deeper than others, I call those the creepers. Our new dynamics is a breath of air for us both, but doesn’t magical heal or fix our marriage. Is what it has done is give us strength, a craving for one another, joy to live life and Hope. Our D/s marriage now has the power of two. Today, we shall STRIVE for our love story and Happily Kinky After. ❤️ Curveysub

    1. I can’t wait till we get there…. Last week during DT those skeletons cam out as we implemented this step, but some things actually came to a head this week…. (Last night) over something I did that I knew Sir would feel betrayed about…. Well someone at work lied to him and then he thought about what I said and felt I lied to him and he can’t trust anyone….. Last night was horrible….. He says he said his peace and he’s over it, he’s forgiven me, but I think I have bigger problem forgiving myself for being so stupid and knowing better. But I think I may have finally pushed, pealed, or kicked that monkey off my back, as I have no desire to have any contact with this person again, esp understanding the pain it cause him and me and the disrespect…. I don’t want to disappoint my Sir ever again. I WANT to strive for that kinky happily ever after…. And be the best Sub I can. ❤️

      1. (Ps. I didn’t cheat or anything but I did gave email contact with someone Sir specifically has told me I shouldn’t, he didn’t want me too. Nothing romantic or anything, but someone from my past, how I basically shared updates about how great my life is (without him)).

        1. You still had a need to tell another man something, against his wishes… but the great thing is you clear the slate you let him know exactly what you said here and then accept the punishment which doesn’t have to be physical, mentally we can be punished by knowing what we did was wrong is punishment enough. Then after you tell, its over… You can then build again. No one can fault you for being honest… HUGS ! LK

  3. Wonderful post LK, thank you!
    It is still so new, but it is so helpful to be able to read posts like this and learn what to do from the beginning in order to make our D/s as strong as possible.

  4. I love this post. Master and I are struving everyday to climb our ladder to a new thteshhold . A new life of happiness and contentment. We ate making great strides and I find myself willing to submit more each day as his dominant side grows and matures. Like he tells me there is no I in team and I agree.