submissive Collars and Married Dominance and submission Collaring Ceremony

Collaring and Ceremony for D/s-Married Couples, subMrs.com, Types of BDSM collars, Collaring, Little Kaninchen, husDOM.com, D/s-M

Collaring Ceremony

What does it Mean to have a “collaring ceremony” ?  In a single D/s dynamic, a collar ceremony is a way for a single Dominant to announce he has taken on a single submissive.. it’s a commitment that he is going to only use her for his pleasure. She belongs to him, but doesn’t mean he only belongs to her.  The Dominant may just give a submissive a collar at spur of moment or plan something more formal. While a collar ceremony in a D|s-Marriage may be more for a commitment to the D|s-M lifestyle overall. This ceremony may comprise of  a husDOM’s commitment to becoming a Dominant and your dedication to become his subMrs as permanent full time commitment to each other within the dynamic.  You both would be pledging your devotion to using Domination and submission in your marriage. Your husDOM is commiting to his role and being in charge of the overall dynamic. You as a subMrs are saying that you are going to submit to him/her and be his follower in the dynamic. You are committing to being the best subMrs that you can be & entrusting him to become your husDOM.

The Collaring Ceremony, The Commitment of Married Dominance and submission dynamic

It takes about a year to possibly understand what taking on these roles really means and entails.   The commitment it actually takes for both the husband and the wife to become D|s-M and make it a permanent fixture within the marriage is a big one.  This is true teamwork on both sides have to actively be participating, engaging, learning & growing their roles.   Both of you are bettering  yourselves and building on your roles. If you’re not growing your D|s-M you’re vanilla-ing… going backwards, back to the way your marriage used to be. So the key is to keep it active and fresh. Keep reinventing and making things for you both to look forward to.  So I say make a collaring ceremony a special occasion sometime after 3 months when you both are engaged in your roles.  Mr. Fox and I would luv an invite!

Ceremony Ideas

Some examples of what couples may do in a D|s-M ceremony is the husDOM may place collar on submissive’s neck and a sub give her Dominant a cuff, ring or gift of course after after reciting some special magical words to one another.  Sometimes the subMrs wrists are bound with ribbons until he releases them at the end of ceremony. This can be like a vowel renewal or another “white wedding” with a reception afterwards. Pillows, Kneeling, candles, wine and friends all been enlisted in ceremonies I have been told about from the many submissives that have passed through subMrs.com.   You can make this as simple or as extravagant as you both wish.

Formal Acceptance vs Collaring Ceremony

A collaring ceremony is different than a Formal Acceptance. The Formal Acceptance is when you ask to begin D|s-M. The collaring ceremony is where you can do a formal wedding type “ceremony” with friends or a personal & private two party collaring. I advise to just look at both options and pick one that works for you.  In a D|s-M marriage, after the F.A. your husDOM can give you any collar, play collar or day collar, before you ever have a D|s-M ceremony.

The Symbolism of a Collar

Collaring and Ceremony for D/s-Married Couples, subMrs.com, Types of BDSM collars, Collaring, Little Kaninchen, husDOM.com, D/s-M

There are different types collars.  I will stay specific to the ones that are usually used in Married Dominance and submission.  First let me say that there are different ways to symbolize that you are a Married submissive, other than a collar.  Some subs have rings, bracelets, ankle or both wrists, a tattoo even…….  Submissive’s are not the only one that enjoy the symbolism of being a submissive to their husbands. The husband enjoys knowing and having something that symbolizes he is a Dominant!   Many subMrs and husDOMs are professionals and need to have something that symbolizes their commitment yet ok to show while at work.  A special secret that just you and he share. So many times a piece of special jewelry is what is used.

Collaring and Ceremony for D/s-Married Couples, subMrs.com, Types of BDSM collars, Collaring, Little Kaninchen, husDOM.com, D/s-M

Types of Collars 

The type of collars that are used in Married Dominance and submission dynamic are the Day Collar, Play/Scene Collar, Decorative Collar.  Day collars are the most popular among subMrs. Day collars that are meant to be worn all day long such as a piece of jewelry, a necklace, as simple as a locket or a string of pearls or a choker.  Some of the brands couples usually use for day collars are Etsy, Tiffany, Brighton, Pandora, and David Yurman just to name a few. Depending on your budget and where and how you plan on wearing it, there is a collar out there for everyone. 

Play/Scene Collar are only worn when doing exactly that having play or a scene.  In play and scenes you want comfort so you can enjoy long sessions.  You both can decide in future if you want a comfort collar and a restrictive collar for those different type of scenes. Play collars usually come with rings so that they can be attached to a rope, leash, other implements that help in the aid of Domination. These play collars can also be made of nylon or plastic.  Most times I think a good leather with soft padding or even better with a fur lining is the best.  I will mention that all collars can have working or decorative locks…….  Decorative collars are just for that decoration, they can be anything in between, mostly fashionable pieces that go with a certain outfit and may be novelty. Some fun examples are a kitten collar or puppy collar.  You can become a biker with a studded collar or a bad school girl with a piece of ribbon around your neck…….. Use them in your role play.

Collaring and Ceremony for D/s-Married Couples, subMrs.com, Types of BDSM collars, Collaring, Little Kaninchen, husDOM.com, D/s-M

No matter how you decide to show your devotion to your new roles it’s how you both decide to show it.  One of each collar is just perfect! 

Use of a Collar in D|s-M

Last but not least, the use of a collar in a married Dominance and submission dynamic.  Different types of collars are used for different uses, as we discussed above. The use of the collar is BOTH your decisions to make. I suggest always making it a discussion in your downtime communications. But the collar itself can be a ritual& or rule.  Both the rule and ritual can be based on by whom and when the collar is put on or taken off.  Most subMrs have a rule that they are not the ones taking the collar off or putting it on.  Remember, a rule is different than a ritual.  With a rule there are consequences for the subMrs if not done or done correctly or timely.  The ritual is for both parties and there are no consequences on either side. Rituals are to enjoy and most times as a couple gets further in their journey, they learn to put a backup plan to a ritual in for those days that things get rushed and you both may need a secondary to make sure you get that collar on and off.  The best intensions of making sure this happens everyday always by the husDOM only is just that an intension. I always say make sure there is a backup plan to this ritual, ALWAYS is a hard ritual to keep. So, if you make this a ritual put in a backup… You could make it fun and say for those days that you hade to use a backup… the subMrs gets 10 spankings with or without warm up first, at the Sir’s discretion. That means subMrs that you make sure the rest of his day with you is pleasant and then you will be rewarded with the warm up and fun play after a hard rushed day! 

~Little Kaninchen~

(((HUGS!)))  L.K.

Collaring and Ceremony for D/s-Married Couples, subMrs.com, Types of BDSM collars, Collaring, Little Kaninchen, husDOM.com, D/s-M

 

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Responses

  1. Wonderful post LK! My day collar is a diamond necklace that I wear everyday. We didn’t do a collaring ceremony and that is ok. It was given to me when it was just the two of us.

  2. Awesome post LK! Great information and clarity to the topic.
    I remember vividly receiving both of my collars. We got my play collar first and the night he first put it on me was so intense, I can barely describe it. The day he found and got me my day collar was right after our 1 year D/s-M anniversary…we were at the airport, coming home from a trip and we passed a Brighton store. He found one he liked, bought it and immediately put in on me, in the store. He even asked the cashier (who was watching us with interest) if she knew what a day collar was…lol! It may not have been a ceremony, but it was special to me because he was so unashamed and proud to put it on me regardless of the fact that we had people watching. We have discussed having something more formal in the future (maybe mixing a vow renewal with it).

  3. Interesting post LK
    Got me thinking back to when i got my own day collar, several years now.
    We went to a jeweller and pick it out together and there in the shop he put it around my neck.
    Not much of a ceremony but profoundly important to us. Every morning, when life allows, he puts it on and that is a daily ceremony (or ritual if you like) i wouldn’t be without.

    https://i1.wp.com/submrs.com/wp-content/uploads/rtMedia/users/1094/2017/01/daycollar.jpg?resize=248%2C123&ssl=1

    What collar do you have LK? I would love to hear about it and the ceremony you had.

    Flower

    1. Flower, well… I have several day collars, I have a Pandora one now that I put gold clips on…. I had a Waxing Poetic, I still wear sometimes. I have a solid gold choker that I love as well. I also have a couple of nice leather play collars and decorative ones. I have NOT had a collar ceremony as of yet, Can you believe it? We did our Formal Acceptance, F.A. and I will never forget it. We were kinda throwing around the idea of putting it in when we all gather in New Orleans… ???? Nice pic! LK

  4. My formal submission was over 2 years ago and I received my 24/7 everyday collar. Sterling Silver necklace with a heart lock. I look at the formal submission as my collaring ceremony since we are 24/7-365 D/s-M. the 24/7 collar never comes off except for certain doctors appts, x-rays, and going to the beach where I would change to a different collar and not affect the locking mechanism. (Don’t want a rusted shut lock) I too have a play collar that I put on over my 24/7 collar when we play and do scenes. It is thick leather with D-ring attachments. I have a fancy pearl and Swarovski crystal with heart lock for special occasions.

  5. My day collar is a beautiful silver choker that my master had made for me by a local jewelry artisan, who also happens to be a close family friend! We haven’t had a ceremony yet, but discussed making it apart of our after wedding celebration.

  6. It’s been 5 months and I’m thinking about asking him to make it permanent. He certainly desires it. We have delved into many things in our 20 years of marriage and this just feels right. Do you think it’s too soon?

    (I would love a ceremony, but other than this forum we have no community or friends who live this lifestyle to invite.)

    1. A ceremony can consist of just you two or anyone else you want to invite. Mr Fox and I still have not had a true ceremony with others. We want to do it soon but its not something you have to do with others… This is your journey, have fun with it.

      LK

  7. Today (Valentines Day) is the anniversary of receiving my first collar. A small wishbone necklace. I knelt next to the bed and promised to be the best submissive I knew how to be, that I would trust him and we would learn together. For deer season I had given him my nook to read FSOG. He did and we talked about it, he asked if I wanted this and what was it I expected from it. I told him I wanted a marriage based on respect and honesty. Our marriage was not respectful, and so we took some time and talked about it. I do believe we spent more time discussing this commitment than our marriage. 🙂 So we began our adventure. There have been many tears, mistakes, miscues, laughter…….. but the renewed commitment was strong. There have been doubts- am I good enough, strong enough, (all of the enoughs) but always the answer has been yes- I am enough. Each new collar has been an opportunity for recommitment- Each time Buck changes my collar is an opportunity for recommitment. Fast forward to our 2nd retreat/45th wedding anniversary— Buck asked Mr Fox if we could have a ceremony/recommitment at retreat and we were told we could. It would be the first. So we celebrated (2 days early) our anniversary with our ceremony- surrounded by other retreat attendees. We spoke to each other the words that were in our hearts, neither one of us could come up with a “script”. Then he sang to me- ( I had asked him to sing at our wedding and he didn’t) He sang “Look At Us” I cried, all the emotion, love, commitment, blessing …. got to me ( and still do) The group had even planned a small reception with wine and cake as well as a beautiful bouquet of flowers ( I said thank you- and could say it 100 more times) We have learned so much from each other and all of you. I learn from each of you- the younger subs remind me to stay passionate and the more seasoned subs remind me to stay patient and humble and when needed to kneel and ask for mercy and grace.
    Thank you for the opportunity to share and grow with you. <3 Wench