Master Slave Lifestyle, is it right for You?
Recently, I had a request to explain the difference between D/s = Dominate/submissive dynamics and M/s = Master/slave dynamics.
I want to remind everyone that I started being a “bedroom/sexual submissive”. I have lived D/s-M for almost 5 years now and never lived in a “slave lifestyle/dynamic”. While I have had many slave dynamic blog friends in the past, most of them have been single and NOT married. I have had many a slave/submissive here on the site. They were willing to share with me their dynamics. This is what I have learned from them.
Sometimes the term slave and submissive are interchanged but do not confuse those terms as they are very different. Many ladies started as slaves but ended up changing over to D/s-M submission. I have yet to see a married/slave dynamic work more then a 2-year span. Why, well with a marriage, a healthy marriage dynamic, let’s start with slavery as defined; The state or condition of being a slave; a civil relationship whereby one person has absolute power over another and controls her life, liberty, and fortune, the subjection of a person to another person, Being forced into work or the condition of being subject to some influence or habit also referring to work done in harsh conditions for low pay. All of these seem to be negative, therefore not healthy done inside a marriage. You are only a SLAVE if you exactly live this definition. Secondly, it is almost impossible for a person/Master to possibly control someone’s every move in this day and age. Thus, couples burn out quickly in this dynamic. Everything is done for the Master’s pleasure in this dynamic.
A slave is a separate dynamic then a submissive. A slave holds no limits other than what their Masters give them. They can not refuse service to their Master. Some consider themselves the property of their Masters. Every aspect of the slave’s life may be controlled by the Master. The Master works with-in the preset limits established at the start of the relationship. The slave does not get to take advantage of things like sitting in a chair instead of on the floor, choosing your own clothes each day, or listening to their favorite music. These things serve as a reward to a slave, only given when the Master feels that the slave deserving of it. You have no rights as a slave. Every part of your day is controlled by your Master.
*** I must advise every person who leads a slave dynamic… Please still use safe words.. In the beginning please put that in your contracts and terms of service. Your contract is a negotiation that is between both individuals entering the contract. Not controlled by the Master only. Make sure your contract has a re-negotiation date… 3 months or 6 months maximum. You may have to endure things not thought of until your renegotiation date comes around. Enter this dynamic carefully and thoughtfully. I encourage you to look online and see what is out there an example perhaps of another’s slave contract. Make sure you cover ALL YOUR BASES!
A slave is not the same as the Domestic Discipline or Taken in Hand dynamics either, another post for another day.
Now, there is such a thing as “slave play”, which are rituals and play that D/s-M submissives and Dominants can use in their daily dynamics, scenes, and playtimes. You can find many ways to show ownership, bells, chain, verbal commands etc….. Make it fun, safe & consensual. Leave us some ideas subbies as part of your comments to this post.
All dynamics are different when done inside a marriage. Some things will apply differently to different situations. One thing in common, all dynamics must be done consensually. You can have a lifestyle that makes you both stronger and your marriage stronger. You both can achieve a level of understanding that not many can reach. It takes two to attain these relationships. Teamwork is the key to having it. One-half can not make the whole. Sometimes, these dynamics will not work for some and that is ok. Some take a long time to understand how to play their role and that’s ok as well. Beware… This can be the beginning of the fairytale or it can be the beginning of the end. Domination and submission will not work until you purge and sweep the foundation/slate clean. LOVE, TRUST, HONEST COMMUNICATION and RESPECT have to live in your house for this to work. It will show up very quickly if those three things are not fully still intact. Being honest, sometimes even brutally is paramount in progressing in this lifestyle. It always helps to have your partner, Dominant or Master to register on a site helping them understand their roles and how to make the correct and healthy atmosphere. Please ask them to sign up at www.husDOM.com .
Again, this is my experience and information I have obtained over the last 5 years. Not every dynamic is the same or can be made to be the same… Take what you will and apply it to where you need to.