Starting Your Foundation, Wiping  the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in a D/s-Married Dynamic

I get questions everyday asking me how to get started. Subs wanting to get to the good stuff… They have spoken to their husbands or significant other and mentioned they would like to try this thing we do (TTWD)…. D/s. They have not started out by doing all the foundational things that HAVE to be done first. If these things are not done then your much more likely to slip and things fall apart, just as this building in the image above would if it didn’t have those steel beams.

Before the beams go up that slab has to be clean and cleared, essentially wiping the slate clean.  How do you do this? Communicate to one another… Be open and honest…  Define what BDSM, D/s, Sub, Dom, & Bondage…ect…. *****

***Every step important in a Domination and submission dynamic.

The Dynamic is based on these FOUNDATIONS : Honesty, Communication, Respect, Trust, Intimacy and you have to still have love living in your marriage. Without love you will not be able to take the steps and do the work that the lifestyle demands. 

On my FORUM there’s an Informational Section then definitions… Home › Forums › Informational Section On BDSM › Defining BDSM

Take a look at what’s in the closet all or any skeletons have to come out and be dealt with.. (marital issues)…

Now, look under the rug… get rid of all those things swept under there. Wipe the slate clean …

 (Personal Demons)

You know those things that have been there but never settled or questions too feared to hear the answer to. Ask them get them out in the open and settled.  Better now then 10 years from now.

  After that your slate is clean… Move forward….Ask him “FORMALLY”, That’s a whole other post… Formal Acceptance.

TTWD… This thing we do is a LIFESTYLE…. It requires each individual to play or become their role… A Dominate role and a submissive role. Each will have a state of mind to build and keep, responsibilities come with these roles. ***This is now your task or duty to fufill.  A submissive has to stay mindful. A sub has to be submissive.. Her job is to learn and build on her submission. She has to remember she is her Dom’s possession and a tool for his pleasure. She feeds him by giving him her submission. A Dominant has to be in control. He/She are to Dominate, not domineer. He is to take complete responsibility for the D/s. He is to plan and make sure that he is making the atmosphere one where this power exchange can  grow & flourish. He is to want the best mentally and physically for his sub. Instruction and rules he will need to create and follow-up on. A Dom now has Tasks and Duties to fulfill. He has to stay ONE STEP ahead of the dynamic so that their submissive does not start to feel doubt creep in on them.

A sub wants to feel cared for and taken care of. She wants to be used & directed…….She craves it and this is how she will grow. A Dom feeds her by doing these things. A Dom & a sub have to be fed in three areas, Head, Heart and BODY……..You can feed less than the three for so long but then one of them will falter because one of the others are not being fed. You have to feed all three!

I look at each journey different but all climbing the same ladder. Each couple having different dynamics. Each couple traveling the ladder at different pace. You will COMPARE..it’s human. But, Do NOT measure yours to someone else’s. There is no scale that can weigh out or measure your apples to someone else’s oranges. Each couple has a different set of circumstances that makes them original and special. You can never repeat the same dynamic that another couple has. If you do try you’re missing out on being your own special D/s dynamics. Find the things that work build on them and let go of the things that do not work.

Some may skip steps and quickly climb the ladder, The submissive Hares,  but they will slip and have to go back down and hit each step eventually. Getting a good footing at each step is essential or you may have to repeat. Nothing wrong with going back and repeating and checking those steps either. Same for the slow, one step at a time… The submissive Tortoises …. It’s a good way to be. But, they go slow and don’t take any steps quickly. Remember be patient… Both of you are new…  Reach down and help each other up to the next step…. This Dynamic is TEAMWORK! One is only as good as the WHOLE. 

I live & love to inspire! I live to help create the magic for everyone wanting this fabulous lifestyle! You read those books (FSOG) … they were fiction…. a fairy tale really. You can make it a reality! Make the most of your marriage or relationship. No more power struggles, just power exchanges….

Don’t waste anymore time… I didn’t.

~LK

Have your Sir read my Sir’s blog…. WWW.husDom.com  (Mr. Fox)

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Starting Your Foundation, Wiping the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in D/s-Married Dynamics