Defining Topping from the Bottom for Married Couples in Domination and submission

Defining Topping from the Bottom for Married Couples in Domination and submission


This is an expression that is used to describe a situation where a submissive, subMrs or bottom attempts to control the D/s-M relationship from their submissive position or perspective by using seduction, persuasion, provocation in some way.

The view in regards to “Topping from the Bottom” is different in D/s-M or Domination and submission for married couples then for the single D/s relationships. Why is that?

Most times the married Dominance and submission a submissive brings the idea of adding this dynamic into their marriage to their husbands.  Whether it is after seeing a movie or reading a book like Fifty Shades of Grey many women or the subservient partner desires to have the same lifestyle.  I sat and found a way to achieve that and brought it to Mr. Fox and asked him to be my Dominant husband, my husDOM.  I read and studied all fictional, non-fictinal, online sources I could. Came up with the plan and guided him or helped him in finding our way for not only my submission but his Dominance.  I guided him, respectfully. Both of us with a lantern lighting the way into our something “MORE” that I dreamt about. Today, I still read or see something that I may desire and I ask for it and send him text or information about it. Guiding is ok as long as you’re respectful and are NOT bossy.

Look at it like this, if you had a hobby like fly-fishing and your husband did not know how to fly-fish. He wants to go with you and do it with you together. How would he find out how to do it and what lures you like to use? He would ask you to help him learn… right?

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Defining Topping from the Bottom for Married Couples in Domination and submission

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    1. When your husband is new to D/s-M it’s fine to respectfully guide him into his role. You show him things, read to him and direct him to…. But after a while say 6 months, your husband should be peddling his bike and his role. So guidance after a certain point is no longer needed.

      If your journey stalls and he is NOT looking into his role or engaging with you planning and creating your D/s-M then it means one of two things.

      1.) He is no longer interested in having the journey.
      2.) He does not understand the role in its entirety.

      Either way you need to ask for a recommitment. Another Formal Acceptance or a downtime and start anew.

      SO “topping from the bottom” , has its time but it’s not ALL THE TIME…… Anytime you need me you know where to find me… Great Question!

      Hugs, Filina