You’re so excited to start your D/s Lifestyle… Things begin hard and fast, your Sir (Dom) engaged, things are good. Your Sir keeps the atmosphere going a couple weeks then inevitably he forgets your morning text or ritual that he has been doing… You begin to ache. You feel like you begin to starve…… You become desperate for his control…. You anger easily and feel almost forgotten and then you want to lash out…. about any subject in fact…. He may mention that he has to stay after for work or something and you GET SOOOO Mad and your eyes turn red.……. In fact, it has nothing to do with him staying late at all.
You may not say anything and feel sad. You let things brew for a while…
You’re not being fed… So, instead of calling “downtime”, ( Explaining what you are feeling to your Sir and thus avoiding the whole Spiral.), you do as your vanilla self would do… YOU REACT!
You want to “test” him… See if you can force his hand… Any attention is better than none right?…. WRONG!
(You may in your mind know this is wrong but……)
You do it anyway……….
I find most of the time that subs act out and try to get a spanking.. maybe even their first.
~ I can explain what happens next….. You push and push until he finally pulls you down and angrily spanks (punishes you), even afterward if you have HOT Angry make-up Sex, This is all wrong. Why you ask? You forced him to come out like a bull… you waved a red flag in front of his face… You have pulled out the “Domineering Man” NOT your husDom. Don’t be angry with him… You waved that flag… You asked for it… You “messed with the bull and got the horn”. ( Don’t be sorry … we all do this once… forgive yourself.. explain it to your Sir.. and try it the right way next time. )
What happens he is left dazed and confused by the whole scenario and it leaves him feeling bad for punishing you.. The exact opposite then what you want him to feel. You both will have a weird taste in your mouth afterward…… It’s not the punishment. It’s the way it was brought about. You both are left with a negative feeling … It didn’t feed either one of you. He will not want this lifestyle if he feels like it’s wrong or hurtful….
So when you push remind yourself …CALL DOWNTIME!
When he punishes you …you want him to feel positive like he has done the right thing.. You will relish it ..even though it’s confusing the first time..you will gleam with pride that he did it… he followed through …HE is your husDOM… He will grow in this experience and so will you…
Lesson…. DO NOT FORCE HIM TO REACT… CALL DOWNTIME… Talk & Communicate honestly about your feelings before spiraling. A reset spanking may help you both… You – get the attention you so desperately want… Him he gets to practice some play… make it a “positive”… instead of the other bumpy, messy and exhausting road of this example.
Best Wishes… Yours in Submission, ~LK~