submissive Advise ~
Losing Faith in your dynamic… What to do?
I wanted to post on a question that I get more and more as new submissives are joining the community. This is my submissive Advice……
How do you handle it when Sir breaks a ritual or his role?
If my Dominant is the one to break role or the exchange, how should I react and be expected to react?
Sir keeps saying that I should just remind him, and I agree that I should, but I get offended because He has no issues remembering the rules if I break them. Then if he forgets his part of a ritual, I feel hurt as well. Sir may say he forgot if he breaks them or forgets them. What do I do?
Please when reacting to your Sir’s actions or lack of, you have to keep emotions in check and be respectful. Take time first to think about what you want to communicate before you react. Taking time to think what to do as a submissive is totally different than how you react as a vanilla wife or partner. Actually ask yourself, “How can I say this submissively?”
You can deal with things in two ways… depending on what works for you. If you’re in a vanilla atmosphere… Then I ask my Sir.“May I speak as your wife?” He then says yes and there will be no retribution from our communication about the subject. Then communicate honestly to him.
You as the submissive call DOWNTIME. Speak to your Sir as you would normally during downtime. Sit in his lap or at his feet.
In downtime, you sit with him and communicate how you feel when your Sir forgets his role. Tell your Sir how this makes you feel, Offended, Hurt, and Upset. When this happens you lose faith in his dominance and his commitment to you. You start questioning if he is taking his role seriously. We go all sub-panic and start to spiral (especially in the beginning when your hormones are on high.) We all understand the rawness and emotions but to be honest you have to communicate this to your Sir if you ever want to grow in your D/s relationship. You have to be honest and tell your Sir what you’re feeling. After all, you got on your knees and revealed your soul to him in a Formal Acceptance, so it’s understandable after you remind him of how much you wanted this lifestyle that you want him to take his commitment to D/s just as serious as you do. You only have yourself to blame if you’re not asking for what it is you want or reaching and working toward making it better. Do more homework yourself so you can educate your Sir further.
Remind your Sir that this lifestyle is like a circle, each of you the half. You do things that feed him and he in turn does things that feed you. If the circle is broken then you are left starving and confused. This dynamic is an exchange. When you do not do your part the exchange can not happen. You will stunt any growth. Explain it to your Dominant so they will realize they do have a role to follow, just as you do. They realize your role as their submissive but need time to understand theirs as a Dominant. You have to work together to make the most of your exchange and keeping the current flowing within your circle. Sit in his lap and tell him when he does his part or role you are so proud of him. Praise goes a long way. Just think about when he gives you a “Good Girl!“.. how good that feels. Acknowledge that you understand it’s difficult. You do not expect perfection right out of the gate but you want to see his efforts and will appreciate any he gives you. Most important as you show him the work that needs to be done make sure you show him the fun that can be had as well. All work and no play makes for a boring subbie!
If your Sir/husDOM has any questions on how to start or how to achieve tools to use to remind him of his responsibilities please request him to register on husDOM.com there is a chatroom just for new Dominants. Your Dom may have a hard time accepting help from others at first. It is ok just sit with him and lurk together until he gets familiar with some of the other Dominants. Start reading the oldest archived posts so he can follow the journey as my Sir did…