D/s-M Communicating Expectations | Sir, Take Control Be My Dominant

D/s-M Communicating Expectations,Sir, Take Control, Be My Dominant, husDOM, D/s-M, Expectations

D/s-M Communicating Expectations | Sir, Take Control, Be My Dominant


There was a D/s-ituation this weekend… We are newer to D/s-M and learned a great lesson. I want to share this so to help others know this happens and it will work out.

Sir wasn’t letting me know the expectations so I was trying to do what I thought or assumed he wanted.  Truly, I wasn’t sure what exactly that was.  Like a fish out of water, I was flipping around.  He was angry that I wasn’t performing the way he wanted.  Being unsure of myself, I was reacting to his anger. I was frustrated not just with him but myself.   As he gets more aggressive, I shut down.  We were not communicating just reacting or assuming things of one another.  We didn’t talk all day not really knowing what to say to each other.  When you’re new to D/s-M you go into something I call sub-panic that this whole thing you have made, the dynamic may be over just because of this one misunderstanding.  My chest hurt and my head was spinning.

D/s-M Communicating Expectations,Sir, Take Control, Be My Dominant, husDOM, D/s-M, Expectations

Then it hit me,  I needed him to be my dominant, my husDOM and tell me what I needed to do to please him.  I needed to communicate this to him. I needed to be professional about what was happening in our D/s-M.  At work if you don’t understand what it is someone wants you to do or you feel like you don’t know their expectations, what do you do, you ask them about it you communicate so you both are on the same wave length.  If I just would have confessed in the beginning I wasn’t quite sure what he needed or wanted entirely there wouldn’t have been all the discourse all day. I went to him and looked into his eyes and said, “Please tell me what you need and I will do my best to give it to you, Sir.”  The rest is history… good history…. Our D/s-M lived for another day…. We both leaned a lesson, We both learned that not good but GREAT Communication is a MUST to have this dynamic.  It is the most important foundation!

This is a great example of situations that arise in a newer D/s-M relationship. Let this be a reminder to work on how to even better communicate with one another. Even if you think you do a good job, work harder and take it to a higher level. Best Wishes subMrs.!


Little Kaninchen

02/2013 -Original Posted

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  1. A few other subs have written about this same thing happening to them and it results in unwanted arguing… Im finding talking with my Sir that after this happens to us… We’ve had time to sort through what’s happened that we both reverted to our vanilla ways. He wants his way.. I flip & flop and in process anger him even more… Then, I put on the victim mask and cry and pout… We never get it resolved and life moves on then next time it happens we just stack it on the other and I’m left even more helpless and he’s just more angry… This is why he needs to tell me his expectation and I will meet it… No arguing! No disappointment….No victim… !

  2. I know this an old post but I am new so trying to read everything. I needed this read this week, I have gone into “sub panic” many times this week. Sir is changing some things around including a more detailed protocol for next week. Have a feeling this will relieve my “sub panic”.

    Thanks LK for getting in my head today.

    1. SweetLsub, Thanks for commenting. One of the great things about many of these posts is that you can always learn more from re-reading a post because your journey is always changing and a post may touch you in different ways or after a perspective has changed on a topic.. I am glad to inspire! HUGS! LK

    2. Sweet L sub, Thanks for commenting. I do believe that if something is not working or it is getting to be old hat, you shake it up or rework the system. The only way many times you make it through keeping this dynamic is by recreating what it is you both want or need from it. So, I encourage you to sit in downtime get your submissive journal out and remap things first figuring out what it is thats really causing the panic. The communication with your husDOM will bring you so much closer. You both work together getting it back on track is the key.

      HUGS! LK