Sex with the Lights On | Become the Tiger

Marriage's Sexiest Secret, D|s-M, Married Dominance and Submission, Marital Relationship Accessory, Marital Intimacy, Year of the Tiger, How to have sex with the lights on, subMrs, husDOM

This is the YEAR of the Tiger. Become the Tiger or Tigress in the bedroom and out. First step…START WITH having Sex with the Lights On!  

Did you know the practice of D|s-M makes you want to have better self image and a better image of your partner?

A new Illumination happens when you start D|s-M. You want to become a better version of yourself and you want a new and improved version of your marriage. This dynamic will help you and your partner to be able to see each others inner-self and beauty. We will say, Instead of Rose Colored Glasses, we are going to put on our TIGER STRIPED GLASSES and look through those in 2022.

Happy new year everyone! , 2022 is the YEAR OF THE TIGER. 

Become the Tiger

The tiger or tigress symbolizes willpower, courage, and personal strength. This describes the attributes of a successful married couple.  It takes willpower to continue to work on and strengthen your intimacy, especially when your life in other areas gets difficult or becomes more challenging…  It’s not the DOM who needs to be in control, but the sub as well. Better control over yourself means better control over your role and your part of this dynamic.  Both of you should work toward these goals and have the responsibility to have control over yourself. Control allows us to tighten the ship, your mind and your body. This will look different for each couple…  It takes personal strength to be relentless in your desire for happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.

People born in years of the Tiger are vigorous and ambitious, daring, enthusiastic and generous, self-confident with a sense of justice and a commitment to help others for the greater good.  This year we all need to take a bit of the TIGER into us (ROAR SOUND), especially into our marriage and it’s intimacy.  This correlates into D/s-M as well.  The couples that discover D/s-M and find the courage to take that journey with their partner posses many if not the same attributes as those that are born into the year of the Tiger.  

Tiger Characteristics

Let’s cover these Tiger characteristics and how they connect with your new dynamic.

  • Vigorous – Couples need to begin this journey with Vigor.  Having a clear and concise path in your relationship and where you both want to go, will create excitement and fortify a strong energetic, healthy mindset.  In other words a lively flourishing D|s-M marriage can either maintain or restore that passion and adventure that belongs in every marriage.

  • Let’s talk about Ambition or Being Ambitious – Having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed. Something in your life

  • Enthusiastic – Having or showing intense and high energy eagerness for enjoyment, interest, and or approval.  Jump in ..the water is great! Go 100% in and fulfill both your needs. You’ve made it this far. BE EXCITED about the journey you have embarked on. You have every right to make your MARRIAGE GREAT!

  • Generous – Showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected. By both of you committing to your new dynamic, you are in essence giving more of your heart, mind and soul to each other. Being generous with your time, by making time for your intimacy and marriage, being understanding and flexible is showing marital generosity.

  • Self Confidence-Trusting in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. You both will find a new self to build on and grow in. You both will become MORE confident in your marriage and its intimacy. As individuals and as a couple you will become more self confident with the practice of D|s-M.
  • Justice and Commitment to help others for the greater good.- What does this look like- Commit to helping your partner become the very best version of themselves that they can be.  Not necessarily the best version of themselves through your eyes rather the best version of themselves through their eyes.  This will also be an enlightening part of your journey.  Imagine how much you will learn about your partner when you begin to see them the way that they see themselves. Make the commitment to becoming a part of the community. Joining our teams to help others in their journey into D|s-M.  The value of peer to peer learning can not be overstated.  All too often people will become paralyzed by staying in the accumulating knowledge staged.  They always feel that if they only knew more than they would be a better resource to help others.  That keeps everyone in their comfort zone.  The real growth happens when you step out of that comfort zone and begin to have real conversations.  When you begin to analyze and have critical thinking about various topics.  This type of growth only happens by participating.  Its time to level up…

Marital Resolutions

  • It’s that time.., time for your New Year Resolutions! (PARTY HORN NOISE) How about adding “Marital Resolutions” to your list? For Example…. you may say,
    • This year… I will spice up my marriage.
    • I will make a new & real connection with my spouse.
    • Work harder to spend MORE sexy time with my partner.
    • This year I will become a tiger/tigress and have sex with the lights on! ….. WHAT?… THAT’S JUST CRAZY!

When couples first come to our communities one of the first things we teach them about this method is it’s time to be shameless, to get rid of any feelings of shame associated with sex. Time to stop being shy and accept that everyone, even you…. can be a SEXUAL & SENSUAL BEING, a TIGER/TIGRESS IN THE BEDROOM! 

So we will take the first step and start out this year of the tiger with TURNING THE LIGHTS ON IN THE BEDROOM, getting your TIGER to ROAR and Your Pussy Ready to Purrrrr….. Meow!

Turn on the Lights

What makes couples turn off the lights?… Click… AWWW..

Our self confidence or lack of self confidence is the most common reasons among couples. Is it your mind or your body that is making things dim? Two of the biggest reasons for being unconfident in the light.

  • Body Confidence, It is no secret that many woman and yes men too, do not like what the way the look, especially naked.  How comfortable are you with your body?  Even in front of your spouse.  Honestly?  Is there any hang up?  Any at all?    

Mind Confidence, the lack of confidence in your mind or SHYNESS, Example, Thinking about yourself and what your body looks like makes you cringe? Do you think that maybe this is something dirty?

Hang Ups

These are very common hang ups! D|s-M help you let hang ups go…. give yourself grace…. Know that, hang ups are human.  Don’t let them ruin what could be great! Don’t let them run your marriage. HANG UPS are LIMITING BELIEFS!  Limiting beliefs are thoughts, opinions that one believes to be the absolute truth. They tend to have a negative impact on one’s life by stopping them from moving forward and growing on a personal and professional level. These limited beliefs could be about you, your interactions with others or with the world and its workings. 

Limiting Beliefs in regards to sex, and our marriages……We must change them! 

Common things we tell ourselves… May seem silly but when it comes down to it… it’s what maybe at our core.

  • I am not sexy….
  • I am not young enough anymore…..
  • Who would want this body….
  • I’m not worth it….
  • What makes me think I can have it all…..

When you doubt yourself… ask yourself, What are you today, that you can pull from to be sexy, feel young, feel the worth or the right to have what you desire? Remember, young people are not the only ones who have GREAT SEX!  Scientifically, it is shown you get better at sex as you age. 

2022 we want to get past the hang-ups, False Perspectives and Limited Beliefs

  • Face them
  • Give them a name
  • Break free of them

Start changing your mind and how you speak to yourself, what you tell yourself and then what you believe.


Almost everything starts with a perspective. Our perception of sex, your perception of sex. Sex is NOT a dirty thing, sex is s beautiful and natural connection between 2 people. Most of us being married, we are married and monogamously committed to our partners. Who else should you explore the darkest, kinkiest parts if your mind and body with? 

Sex is fun, NOT A SIN! 

Who else should you explore all sex can be? Who else should you open up to in ways you may have never before? Your husband, Your partner, Your Lover, the relationship you have put many years into, a relationship that has been built on a long time foundation.

Become accepting who and what you look like. We are human beings, husbands, wives, partners with another person, your person, the person whom you have decided to attach yourself to until death do you part. You have invested your mind, body and soul in this person. You need and want the dividends that cum with such an wonderful investment. 


Stop the self loathing, and accept yourself and your partner for what you are, Where you are in life. Most of us are not 20 yrs old anymore and are not super models. We all need to quit comparing ourselves with that unachievable picture in our heads. If we have shame over our bodies then D|s-M gives you a great reason to change it. Shame is a fear.

Both partners need to get on the same frame of thought, the same boat. Get your SEXY BACK… LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE! BECOME the EYE OF THE TIGER….. LIKE ROCKY! Set an intension, a goal to both find your sexy internally and externally. Set goals!

  • Try looking at what it can be rather than maybe what it is.

Visually begin seeing yourself and your partner as a sexual being. You are internally that same sexy woman or man that you were 10, 20, 30 years ago.  Think, what could you do and take that step in finding that sexy again? These Improvements start in the mind and moves to the body. 

Self Care

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS SEXY!  When you talk about some type of self improvement, have you noticed that peoples ears perk up.  They want to know what you’re doing and if you are having success…….. Why? Because taking control & self control is SEXY to EVERYONE. You have to stop codependent bad habits. Things like over indulging in things together. Have heard the quote, “Misery loves company”? Well, so do partners that are taking part in destructive or not-so-good-for-you-behaviors. Change the bad habits into new self care habits!

Self care is not just about working out. Self care is the overall care of your whole being. Taking control is not about being super restrictive. This practice has everything to do with your mind, body and soul. The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness. Engaging in a self-care routine has proven to reduce or eliminate anxiety and depression, decrease stress, improve concentration, minimize frustration and anger, increase happiness, improve energy, and more.

There are 8 main areas of self-care: physical, psychological, emotional, social, professional, environmental, spiritual, and financial..

Caring for yourself is about Movement of the body, health, nutrition, sleep and resting needs.


  • Yoga or stretch -Stretching for better posture, better flexibilty and elevate your heart rate.
  • Eat Well, Just make better choices, no diets, just better choices. Become a responsible eater.
  • Get Enough Rest – Couples Naps are Great! You can self care together!

When others and especially your partner know you have control, that you are being responsible by bettering yourself in some way…. They are attracted to you.

Lights On

Having sex with the lights on or during the day will enhance your control during sex.  Often times both men and woman can get caught up in their heads about what they think is visually going on.  Especially, when we can’t actually see what is happening.  Our minds will begin to fill in the blanks for us and sometimes our minds don’t put our “best foot forward”, we are not complimentary of ourselves.  Having sex with the lights on actually allows us to be more present in the moment and take more decisive actions. Instead of our minds wondering around often creating negative scenarios that do not exist we now have another source of information, visual information. The darkness is now illuminated and our minds now have something real to focus on. 


Sight is another form of stimulation.  Woman and men are both stimulated during sex by seeing things. This added stimulation also helps us in getting out of our heads and more into the moment.  Many couples find that having sex with the lights on increases and renews their participation and desires.  

Having sex with the lights on gives each partner and entire new catalogue of sexy stimulating images to add to their database of memories.  We will look back on these images in our minds and remind ourselves of the pleasures that we experienced.  When our memories are coupled with our senses they are more profound and meaningful.  In other words we as couples will begin to fantasize and be turned on by one another and the little things that we have shared during our intimacy.  Look out porn there is new competition in the house.

Becoming better at marital intimacy is a team effort, but you will find that personally you have to work on things for yourself to be that better partner that trickles down to having a better overall marriage.

Control the Atmosphere

The control is not all in the Dominant’s hands… Take control of not only you but your bedroom atmosphere…and the intimacy that happens inside it. Ask yourself, “Does my bedroom make me feel like being intimate”?

Taking Control of Your Atmosphere. Make sure you have a visually pleasing Atmosphere in your bedroom. Does your bedroom feel relaxing? Try a few of the things listed below.

  • New Bedding & Pillows
  • Clean it Up! Distractions… TAKE THEM AWAY! 
  • Use great scents, Find the perfect ones, not just your everyday scents.
  • Romantic Lighting, candles, lights on dimmers, twinkle lights. Try a color light bulb, strobe light, disco light.
  • Temperature, keep it warm in winter and cool in summer months. Where you can be comfortable nude.

Lighting Up the Darkness

Filling in the blank, the darkness with light… being in the light can be stressful….. Here are some things to try in the light.

  • Stay Present with each other.
  • Being ok in silence, silence is ok…. Use your eyes to speak.
  • Verbally being complimentary to yourself and your partner. (Use Your 5 senses, Article)
  • Get used to looking at one another with great fondness.
  • Learn your own sensuality, Reach out and feel, appreciate your partner using touch, rub and explore one another.
  • Use a blanket to comfort yourself. 

New Eyes

Focus with new eyes, EYES OF A TIGER. Project your new perception of yourself, your partner and your sexual intimacy. Turning the lights on can bring you new heightened pleasures. You will see partner with the eyes of a tiger! Bringing Sex into the light and making your intimacy a priority, makes for a better marriage, NO A GREAT MARRIAGE.


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