Marital Loss of Connection | Banding Position

Marital Loss of Connection Sexual Ritual, Banding Position,, Marriage's Sexiest Secret, D|s-M, Married Dominance and Submission Method, husDOM

Are you suffering from a loss of connection with your husband or husDOM? The banding position is a position you use for a sexual ritual. I am about to share is a ceremonial practice that can be used for many different purposes within your marital dynamics, this includes Connection, Correction and Preparation.

But Why

But why was this position created? We have seen the need for such a position for over 10 years. This is due to, one of the most common issues for married couple’s is the lack of sex or desire for sexual connection. Many times, the EXCUSE IS a packed schedule leaving no time for intimacy. Other reasons such as a lack of trust between partners or even as self imposed societal sexual shame.

Even once you are partaking in Marriage’s Sexiest Secret, something in your life may have you or your partner stopping your dynamic rituals and or roles. Then very quickly, your old vanilla habits take over and you go back to bad or just not great behaviors within your marriage. This is why we created such a wonderful position, The Banding Position, for couples to use in case of loss of connection, wether is it mental or physical or both. This gives you a way for both to reconnect, a way for one partner to let go and the other to take control. Both partners will feel security in knowing they are again being engaged in their roles.

This ritual will help couples with:

  • General a Loss of Connection

This comes if you have been apart or have been slowly not communicating or participating in Downtime.

  • Correction of Mindset

For the partner that feels like they have lost their role, that they need the position to remind them of their dynamic mindset.

  • D|s-M Correction & Fun-ishment

Married couples that love to participate in Dominance and Submission, using BDSM techniques within their marital dynamics can use this position using their roles to communicate a fun-ishment or correction within their dynamics.

  • Preparing the Body for Play/Scenes

The posture of the Banding Position when done as described will help a couple feel more sexually connected and this will help as foreplay into your sexual intimacy or D|s-M Scenes. This will help your partner lubricate. The leader can take this time to stretching his partner, readying her body. You may want to push her past the first couple orgasms so that you can start deeper in a scene to begin with.

Touch, The First Rite

This ritual includes the FIRST Marriage’s Sexiest Secret Rite, Touch. Physical touch is one of the easiest ways to be intimate with your partner and even though it is physical, it helps build and create emotional intimacy, the intimacy every wife desires most. It’s no secret that overall relationship contentment is connected with sexual satisfaction and people use their sexuality as a way to bond and connect, basically be intimate with their partners.

I want to mention the husband, the leader of your dynamic, they need the first right as much as the other partner needs it. They need the physical intimacy to open them up to giving the emotional intimacy that you want.



Taking the back of someone wether in a sport or in sex is an exciting activity. One person is on top and the other on the bottom. One person has the control and the other is UNDER that person mentally and or psychologically. Using banding you are using this same psychology. One person is taking control of the other person with their permission. This is very exciting when a couple uses this psychology in their dynamics.


One person, the leader or Dominant partner knows that they will lead in this activity. Though either partner can ask for a “banding session.” The key is to know first who is calling it, when to call it and why it’s being called into action. The Dominant or Leader may need to sit and think before how he will approach the session. Both partners may want to have downtime before. Maybe one of you would want to shower. If you need any tools or toys readied this is that time.


The leading partner sits with open legs, taking the back of their partner. The partner sits between the legs of their Leader or Dominant partner. The Dom will ensnares their partner in their arm, wrapping their arm around the chest or waste.


The Leader/Dominant needs to make sure that the reason or the issue for this session has been made clear to his partner. Communicate why you’re doing the position with them. Or, the following partner or sub needs to explain, what she needs from doing the position.

The leader or Dom needs to make sure of his partners welfare. They need to take control and responsibility for leading the position and what happens during.

Banding Position Example

For this I used the example of a couple using the Banding Position in their Dominance and Submission scene.

  • Dom sitting upright on a bed headboard.
  • Subs sits her back to Doms front, sub between Doms legs. 
  • Dom Bands sub’s chest with one arm and his other hand collaring the subs throat. 
  • Dom whispers in his subs ear, asking her sub to close her eyes.
  • Her Dom assures her that he knows what it is she needs & purpose of the position.
  • Reminds her she is his subs and she to be still as not to hurt herself fighting against him.
  • Sub is to relax into his arms it head back, giving her Dom her complete submission.
  • Dom states that his sub only comes when he says she is permitted or that you may only find release together.
  • He will now claim what is his. Dish out your pun-fun-ishment
  • Explain punishment ( you’re showing her your control over her that you can give her punishment by withholding her pleasure) 
  • Explain connection (building emotional connection) 
  • The Dom begins his exploration of her body first her chest with the banded hand. Keeping the other on her neck showing ownership
  • Dom voices his love or concern 
  • Breasts first cupping then grabbing then plucking her nipples. 
  • Dom keeping his hand around her neck holding sub to his shoulder 
  • Punishment here
  • Nibble and Lick her face kiss her cheek 
  • Taking hand lower slowly stomach .. belly button … until she shows that she’s relaxed, a sigh or release muscle tension 
  • Then Dom
  • Asks her to spread her thighs or bring her knees up to chest hold them opening to him. Make sure to give her a good girl very important to give verbal rewards. 
  • This will be exhilarating for the sub while and letting her feel vulnerable. 
  • Dom Instructs the sub to pull herself open for him spread her labia.
  • If there’s hesitation ask her again but louder more commanding.
  • You can and you will. The Dom can take her hand on his and help her then stop and have her start again  on her own. 
  • Now begin to pleasure yourself … only the outside lips. once she does ask her to feed you her arousal from her fingers. Make sure to take ahold of her hand controlling the feed. 
  • Of course comment on her taste. Make sure to use your tongue sucking and twirling her digits. 
  • Force her hand again to this time telling her to fuck her own hole. Dom takes her hand and forces 2 fingers in .. not his … pumping her fingers with his hand and then takes them out when she’s heightened before any orgasm just edging. 
  • Do this over and over .. yelling her hand free before completion.
  • She will beg .. the idea is to make her beg over and over.
  • Once the Dom knows she’s very stimulated taking hid collaring hand play with her breasts and nipples being careful not to take her over he edge. 
  • Stop every time lick her fingers and have her start over. 
  • As you feel the connection return  or punishment coming along well, she’s submitting . Dom takes his hand from breasts and plays with her clit or opens her watches her play with herself. Asking her to watch or to not watch …. Depending on if your connecting or punishing.
  • Time to remind her who’s she is, HIS!
  • Her hands are removed And forbidden as you begin to work her, using the thumb on clit and fingers in her core .. Warn her it will all end here if she moves her hands.  If she begins to move keep warning her you’ll stop and she will receive nothing. 
  • Dom don’t forget her ears and neck can use attention .. 
  • Then Dom asks her to help in her pleasure … holding or rubbing whole he doesn’t the other. Then take her over the edge . Finger her hole while she continues rubbing herself. 
  • You can add a digit at the beginning every time starting over. 
  • When she comes the Dom must have one hand on here throat and May bite her shoulder as well, leaving a badge of connection or correction there. 
  • Dom instructs her the mantra to scream as she comes. (I’ve learned master, I love you Sir, or I am yours only.)
  • I take your punishment
  • The Dom can also have the sub bite down on him … his fingers or wrists.   
  • Up until, this point…. No sexual intercourse penetrative other than finger.
  • Once the Dominant has given the correction or changed the mindset to his approval, then he can then truly reward his sub with sexual intercourse.
  • BUT!!!, you have to make the sub AWARE that now she is to get a sexual reward for her behavior. This act is in no relation to the last acts… (AGAIN, if correcting)
  • When connecting this should be a part of it … the final gift to her, the DOM
  • The third option for doing this is prepping the body and you at this stage prep her anus or take her vaginally several times getting her desensitized so that you may push her harder through scenes deeper into subspace and making her body more pliable for your assaults.

Some of the above mentioned steps will apply differently to why you are using the banding position. Once you use this banding position a few times, you can customize it to fit you both for your prepping, connecting or correction. Enjoy!

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