Submissive Soul Searching 

(A.K.A. Kneeling Challenge)

Kneel, What Do You Feel?

What does it mean to kneel? Socially, kneeling, similarly to bowing, is associated with reverence, submission and obeisance, particularly if one kneels before a person who is standing or sitting: the kneeling position renders a person defenseless and unable to flee. For this reason, in some religions, in particular by Christians and Muslims, kneeling is used as a position for prayer, as a position of submission to God. ~ Wiki

*** I have knelt now for over 5 years.  Everytime, I’ve been the student more often than the teacher. My dynamic originally came from trial and error and looking at and talking to single subs. There wasn’t much out here for the married D/s couples to learn from. My Journey was NOT about religion but about a deep feeling of wanting a submissive dynamic that I had read about in the trilogy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Not a how to book but so inspiring and life changing.  I think submission chose me. I made sure the thing we would do I could live with in my heart. I have had time to chew and swallow & create the D/s-M dynamics. I do not expect everyone to grasp or conceive this post the way it is meant to be understood. This is all meant to be taken in a positive and uplifting manner.  What you learn and gain each time you do this challenge will change as you go deeper into your journey. If you can just take in small parts and begin the process of comprehending where you are and where you want to go then this has done its job. ~LK

How do I know that I am submissive?

Am I really meant to be “a submissive” ?

Will this work for my Marriage?

Can I be vulnerable and let go of control ?

Can I forgive or be forgiven? 

SUBKNEELINGONRUGSSPIOPT244shutterstockpd, Kneel, What Do You Feel and Submissive Soul Searching, subMrs.com

These questions I get almost everyday in some way. I have found a way for you to answer your own questions. Kneel! As an Intimacy Coach I will tell you, you have all the answer’s to your questions internally. Sometimes we don’t recognize it or want to admit what we know to be true. A kneeling exercise will give you time to center yourself and do that submissive soul searching that is so important for you to grow and you help your D/s-M grow. This will be a the time for things to raise to the surface. Those things deep in the corners of your mind or the things you try to not think about. Some will be directly related to your submission and D/s-M and many issues will emerge showing you they need to be dealt with before you can go further in your submission or dynamics.  They will show themselves in your kneeling time. You think about them and then communicate about them with your husDOM.

If you come to me as a brand new submissive or as an experienced one I tell you to make sure you have the foundations and you must do a Formal Acceptance. In this Formal Acceptance I advise that you must put yourself out there and be vulnerable. Being vulnerable to your future (Dominant) or husDOM is a must. When your Sir sees you in the kneeling position in the nude he will take you very seriously. Seeing this part of you &  your commitment to asking for what you desire will help him engage into his role as a Dominant. The best thing is he will get vulnerable and flexible as well. If you have done a Formal Acceptance then you know how your heart aches and your legs quiver. This feeling of submission comes up and fills you….it can not stay inside and you’ll risk it all to achieve the fantasy that you have read about and come to crave.

I am going to challenge everyone this next week to Kneel. Sit in your room nude by yourself, kneeling. When you do this try to get yourself in the open part of your room. Trying it  in front of a mirror if you can. This adds another element that we will touch on in discussions. Kneel on a pillow if you SUBKNEELINGONRUGSSPIOPT244shutterstockpd, Kneel, What Do You Feel and Submissive Soul Searching, subMrs.comwish, for 10 minutes. Sounds like a short time but when you’re in this position its long enough. If you have trouble in the standard kneel position then find a position that makes you feel vulnerable. I am not asking you to meditate but to soul search.  Sit and experience what the kneeling makes you feel.

How do you start? I usually center myself and count myself in first. 1-10 . Kneel, get down and put a part of you to the floor that sets your root. Visualize it the roots coming from your knees, toes, feet even your bottom. Feel all the roots become deep and strong. Then, clear your mind and visualize a cloak of warm gold liquid pouring over your head covering you in a safety and protection. Feel the perfection of it, relax your muscles, starting at your head and move down your whole body. You’re rooted and warm. Now, clear your mind, use your three deep breathes and begin.

After every session I want you to write down what you thought about in the order you thought about it. Write down any feeling that you felt connected to those thoughts.

Number ONE RULE!  You have to be honest. Please be honest to yourself and your husDOM. 

Please do this for at least a week, getting at least 5 session in. I would like you to discuss the soul searching with your Dominant in downtime after your week is up. As you describe your experience you can refer to what you wrote. If you get emotional, and you will,  he will be able to reference what you wrote and understand why it’s happening.

We will have a live submissive chat about our thoughts feelings during our submissive soul searching in the Scheduled chatroom. During discussion we will talk about the over all experience we had and how our downtime discussions with our husDOM’s happened.

shutterstockpdimage,shutterstockpd, Kneel, What Do You Feel and Submissive Soul Searching, subMrs.com

What do you feel?

Do you feel turned on?

Do you have an overwhelming need to cry?

Are you crying happy tears or sad ones?

Do you feel like rejoicing?

Do you feel angry?

Do you feel like you’re being controlled, in a good way or a bad one?

Did you get wet?

Do you feel embarrassed about it?

Do you feel FREE? Like you grew wings….. 

Did you feel tied down?

Do you feel nothing?

Are all kinds of things bubbling out?

Is your mind wondering? ……. What am I going to make for dinner? LOL.. seriously, are you preoccupied with something else? What was it? 

Does it feel forced?

Does it feel very natural?

Do your knees hurt, Do you like that pain?

Do you feel opened up and raw?

Did you close things out? What were they?

Do you have a hard time kneeling for the total time?

Too BAD!  LMsAO….

What are you thinking & feeling? 

What is the goal of this exercise? It really is up to you. You may first feel what submission means to you. Things will pop out to you that need to be dealt with before you can move forward using this dynamic. A lot of the time, you will find those internal or external blocks keeping you from your general happiness thus keeping you from enjoying your journey D/s-M. These can be general vanilla issues or a D/s-M topic questions that you need more information about. This challenge will give you the answers you’re looking for or at least the time to gain that perspective you need to deal with it.  I recently got certified as a Life and Energy Coach, my specialty in Relationship Coaching, adding to what I can offer to our communities. Please contact me email LK@subMrs.com or Private Message me on site to discuss setting up a private coaching session or joining a submissive group coaching session that will will be offering in the near future.

The biggest benefit couples get from this is having this process of communicating in honesty in a downtime, D/s-M way. You as a sub get to think, feel, communicate and take action on what’s happening in your life, fulfilling your new role.

Another important issue, speaking of roles. After the submissive soul searching I have had ladies question the dynamics or if they fit in the “label” of a submissive. If you’re not a submissive, you could be a bottom, a switch, or simple someone who wants to have the experiences but not the lifestyle. Which is fine to feel any of these ways. No one is right or wrong. You find what you feel or connect with most then it is what is right for you. Maybe you want to taste each one of these labels before deciding. Some of the most well rounded dynamics come from experiencing each one of these things. Wouldn’t you want to know where you fall into this whole new life? Wouldn’t it be great to quit spinning your wheels trying to be something that you’re not and instead grow a seed into something that changes your life and your marriage and you internally and all for the better?  You know that you fit into this kinky world.. but where do you belong within it? Take your time and explore and enjoy!

There are many different types of submissive’s. You can get online and there are many types listed. Many different types of subs participate in different activities. I could list a page or two of them but for my sanity and for the sake of what I see and have experience with I will list the types that I see in D/s-M, or types that can live with-in a marriage. You probably are a mix of all these but one type you have the most of.  Sexual, You are only a sexual submissive, in and or out the bedroom. Domestic/Service, You love to serve and get your fulfillment from doing so. Having said that, some are hung up on are you 24/7. Meaning are you always D/s-M and practicing it all day every day. I am going to be honest, 24/7 means nothing here. If you are married and adding D/s-M to your marriage in the bedroom and out then yes in essence you are 24/7. It’s team work and you have to both work on things and you both have to enjoy things. You start in the bedroom and it comes out when it can and if it cant or has to retreat back into bedroom at stages then that is ok to. NO JUDGEMENTS! We are real couples with real lives and real families all of us adding the magic that D/s-M offers. You’re simply D/s-M…….. Whew…. I luv it!

Let’s define some labels. Labels, yes they are a necessity. It’s the energy people put around them that can hurt. Be as accepting and non-judgemental as you can about them.

What is a TOP ?  A DOMinant partner in BDSM play like flogging, bondage, Leadership & Training, humiliating, and sexual play and scenes. This partner plans and applies stimulation to another, and who may or may not be dominant.

TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM:
Topping from the bottom is a BDSM term, meaning a person simultaneously adopts the role of bottom and dom. You are NOT Topping from the bottom if your Sir (DOM) is new and you are guiding him respectfully into his role. If your Dominant is an experienced then you may be Topping him/her if you are telling him/her what they should be doing.

What is a Bottom? Let’s talk about this a little so that “bottoms” can start to recognize what they are. If you are not totally comfortable with being submissive…You may be one of the following… It’s a real group and it is barely starting to be recognized. In some submissive worlds and our world even we all place an expectation on ourselves. We may even feel bad if we are bottoms. We have to understand our sexuality and not feel bad about what we feel like inside. You may start as a submissive and decide to be a bottom… It is all ok ..drop the expectations of what you think or caring what you think others think.

A bottom is the partner who receives stimulation from another, and who may or may not be submissive. This partner enjoys submission on a their terms only. They will command and direct the play and scenes. Also, a bottom in BDSM does not have to be the receptive partner; for example, a female dominant may command her submissive to penetrate her.

What does it mean to be a Switch?

A switch someone who participates in BDSM activities sometimes as a top and other times as a bottom or (in the case of dominance and submission) sometimes as a dominant and other times as a submissive. The best thing you can do in this situation is define things carefully on what you want and expect at every experience. Again, I have had a few women and men switch and it can get very confusing. You both have to be honest with one another and accept what you both are feeling and feel NO GUILT in it. Try it and if it feels right then Accept it, Embrace it become it. If its not what both partners want then it can destroy a D/s relationship. Do it on a trial bases and talk through every step…. HONEST COMMUNICATION… is what this is all about… for all of us. We all have work to do and experiences to work toward. Switching is a real dynamic…. explore and have fun with it.

What we all have in common is our submission….. We all belong within the realm of D/s. We all are submissive in some aspect. Are we not? Set intensions and goals and work toward them. I wish you all wonderful journeys no matter the way you get there… You will get there with sub-port here with subMrs. and husDOM .

HUGS,

LK

website for Dominant: www.husDOM.com

Kneel, What Do You Feel and Submissive Soul Searching

Kneel, Am I a submissive?

Submissive Centering Challenge/Exercise

ShutterStock Paid Images

Update 05/19

19 Comments
  1. Rogerssweetie45 3 years ago

    Thank you LK for posting this it was very helpful and I too am gonna take this challenge and journal as well. I wonder if you might do another one with an after chat soon as well?

  2. Veruca MOD/Mr. Cain 3 years ago

    Excellent post LK.
    Love the break downs and definitions.
    I am looking forward to this challenge, the results and the upcoming chat!

  3. Sweets/MrB P.A. 3 years ago

    What a great post.. I can remember this challenge from before and now doing it again almost a year later I can’t wait to see how much I/we have grown.
    Thank you for posting this challenge and I look forward to the results and the chats!!

    Hugs LK
    Sweets

  4. MarieT 3 years ago

    Based on an earlier posting, I have been kneeling daily to center myself and place myself daily in the mindset to be submissive. I have found that I am truly free when I let go and give control to my husdom. The daily exercise reminds me of his care and control and puts my mind at ease. :). Plus it’s always helpful to maintain flexibity and core strength for the evenings 😉

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 3 years ago

      Hello Marie,

      Thank you for commenting and I am so happy that you enjoy the exercise. So many things come up in that private time that you take. This is an exercise where you find your truth…. whatever it is…

      HUGS! LK

  5. Curvysub Moderator 3 years ago

    LK ,
    This has been more than I expected ! I think Curvey needs another week 🙂

    Hearts,

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 3 years ago

      You are welcum to keep going but I wouldn’t recommend doing this more then 2 weeks because it can get overwhelming and then not be as helpful as you wanted. I take about 3 months between doing this exercise.

      If you wanted to you can switch and kneel with your Sir. This you will find will stir a completely differ reactions and feelings. You kneel with him like you start downtime. Just do 5-10 min. You don’t speak to him but you can touch each other.
      I want to expand on the energy of this exercise and make it a couples exercise…

      Thank you for commenting and subporting the site… HUGS! LK

  6. Hiswife04 3 years ago

    Hello everyone. I’m new to this community, but no stranger to the idea of submission. What I have found here with you all is a safe haven to further explore the feelings that I’ve had for years and I feel validated and understood. Before I knew the depth of submission, I wanted to submit and approached my husband about it. I never felt like I was able to fully brought him onboard. I’m going to tell a long story and eventually bring it home. Bear with me, please.

    Through reading others participation in this lifestyle, I gleaned that I should focus less on him and more on myself. The idea is that if I submit, he will come around and on his terms and naturally. I have had moments where I felt I was in a zone that I cannot describe and my behaviors and mindset reflected submission. But he never really took the bait. I’ve talked to him about it many times, but I don’t think he understands this energy that is within me to have him dominate. Without going into detail, things became dull and I would find myself unfufilled as was he. He later claims to begin feeling inadequate, un-appreciated, that I was never satisfied (with him) and was tired of being selfless. He decided to be selfless and stepped out on me. Random, casual, kinky affairs with other women (that I discovered). One he said was even D/s role-playing. I was floored and even for that particular situation felt truly betrayed compared to the others because he had no reason to play it out with others (I’m here), but something within me truly connected with him and I have forgiven. Nobody that I have confided in understands how I can be so forgiving. Nobody but us knows what we’ve felt, talked about and what really happened. I think I’m a wonderful wife, but know my shortcomings. He is getting in touch with himself in ways he hadn’t before and is aware of his. And despite the hurt, I believe he is still a wonderful man. We also are very realistic about human sexuality and I can compartmentalize things that some people just find to be unacceptable. We are both working on our marriage. Things are better than they were. We’re practicing radical honesty and one thing I have tried to be honest about again is that I need his dominance. I casually talk about it, I’ll admit. He plays the part every now again, but we haven’t delved off into formal acceptance. I haven’t asked him to make this a formal arrangement. I haven’t known how to until now.

    What I feel has been missing from our relationship is him having the total control that I desparately want him to have. He’s been left to feel inadequate. He, by nature, is a very nice easy going, tolerant, kind guy. He snapped when he felt I, his unicorn, was taking advantage of and didn’t appreciate him. Per him, my money management sucks, lack of self-care (caring for everyone else and making no time for myself – new mom, was a SAHM for a few years), I wasn’t doing anything to make myself attractive to him intellectually or physically (not who I was when we first met and he was smitten). Not to mention my sex drive is through the roof. He is a great lover (the greatest I’ve ever had and satisfies me immensely, just not to the point I crave, consistently). I found a message he’d sent to one of his female companions when she asked if he ever denied me sex and he responded that it was hard to make love to someone that you are mad at and yes he did. And he was denying it (and getting his rocks off elsewhere). And all along I’m thinking “I’m great what is happening here?”. Deep down, all along, I’ve been feeling “I want to be led, supervised, held accountable, and come to know physical consequence if I do not comply”. But he made no demands and I’ve been feeling like a lost puppy dog for a long time. So I coped in different ways and just lived. A dog without a leash will wander will always find trouble….And yet he always referred to me as his unicorn and to him I wasn’t living up to the image/impression he had of me when we first met. My greatest desire is to please him and I feel that my sin of not having done so is as great as his in being unfaithful.

    I failed to mention ours is a love story that started in the Navy when we were 19. I am no longer in, but he is still on active duty. We’re 35 now. I didn’t give him the time of day when we first met and friend zoned him because to me he was too damn nice! I told him that too.Then one day, years later, I took a chance to reconnect with him and here we are today. He’s still a nice guy, but I know now he is also still a man and this new “edge” has been exposed that I like. I had put him up on a pedestal in the past, as well, and seems we’ve both fallen from grace. What vibrates within me is that if he’d just take control, I know I could be the woman of his dreams. He’s explained how confidence and decisiveness are attractive to him. I could never say this outside of this circle. I want him to make me his. I want him to challenge me. I want to feel physical restraint and uncertainty of his next move. I don’t fear him, but I kind of want to.

    In the wake of my discovering his affairs, which we are now healing from, I am also now dealing with his deploying in the midst of our healing and reconnection and exploration period. He left last week to go overseas for a few months (sad face). We were on the cusp of exploring D/s roles more. Someone I communicated my feelings with online enlightened me based on some of the things I described about my husband. This person thought that he may be more submissively inclined and less dominant and that he may never truly bring the dominant side out the way I’d like without proper guidance (from someone actually teaching and mentoring him or exploring websites like this one. I decided to experiment with that idea because some things started to make sense. In some cases, sexually, he was extremely aroused by my acts of dominance (particulary when he is offering his oral talents to me). It was a turning point in our sex life. He enters the very mental space that I find myself in when he gives me the dom response that I crave. I found myself lost in that moment with him a couple of times, but I long to feel the opposite – that he be the one in control. And then here in this community, I found the definition of a “Switch”. He has dominated me in the bedroom successfully driving me to high stimulating points of arousal that left me speechless and in what I guess is subspace. It is not consistent. I have to work hard to get it and I don’t want to encourage. I just want it to happen. Outside of the bedroom has been more of a challenge.

    As I stated before, he’s now deployed and I coerced him into giving me a spanking one night before he left and with it came very explicit instructions on what he expected me to do (or not do) in his absence. The requests are important to him, so they are to me, but none contain an element of ritual or testing my wills to drive me to that “zone”. It lacks kink. I must work on my physical fitness, be creative (paint and make stuff – that’s my thing and he loves that), the house must be inspection ready, he wants my pubic hair to remain untouched by a razor, and suggested a weight goal. I am in charge of our finances and I’m working again so the money must be managed and debt paid down. I am working on all of these things and making progress But something is still missing in his directions that help me remain in that mental state of submission. Am I the one resisting?

    Since then I found this community and it’s funny that one night after reading a few posts, I decided to kneel nude before I dressed for bed. And I thought of him and what he means to me. And I became aroused. And I did feel wide open. Exposed. And I felt the desire to be connected to him, but there was a missing feeling of sorts (that this is what he would want, although this kind of reverence is what I so desparately want to give him). I felt grounded. So I wrote him and I told him what I did and asked him how it made him feel. He said “thank you for doing that – it makes me feel closer to you”. Instead of talking and questioning things to death like I always do, I left it at that.

    And then I found this blog post and what are ya talkin’ about? KNEELING.
    But my question to you is what else can I do? I already feel like your definition of a Sole/Soul Submissive or maybe we are finally making progress towards my desires? How can I submit in his absense. I have no way of being held accountable. The need for that is intense. What’s a Navy Wife (with all that going on that you just read) to do? I want to be his unicorn (in hopes of showing him that I will do anything he desires)…but I want so much more. Maybe I’m complicating this and I just nee to follow his wishes and see where it leads. How can I show him while he is away (working on himself – and working). Please share.

    Thank you for reading my rant/ramble/thoughts!

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 3 years ago

      Hello HisWife04….. Wow, thank you for opening up and sharing your story of how you got here. If I could ask you to look at your comment and please private message me your questions that you mentioned here. I would be happy to help anyway I can. Thank you for commenting!

      HUGS! LK

      • Hiswife04 3 years ago

        I will. I hate that I wrote all of that in this particular area. I suppose I was hoping it would reach the right person who could guide me. That stream of consciousness gets the best of me when I start typing. And then the typos….I’ll be in touch.

  7. HisPurpleKitten 3 years ago

    Wonderful article. Kneeling for me has always been a way to enter a place of safety. It is how I greet Sir at the door, it is how scenes start and it’s even how I prefer to do downtime talking or difficult discussions.
    I try to work extended kneeling into my yoga practice for the sake of comfort and flexibility – but now I think of doing it more consciously with more soul-searching moments.

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 3 years ago

      Thanks, HPK! I am glad this have given you a new perspective.. We have the challenges every few months, probably in March 2017 we will do it again… HUGS! LK

  8. KittyKat18 2 years ago

    I have been with a true Dominant for two years. I have searched high and low looking for like women, never finding the insight or answers I was looking for. I’m so happy to find this.
    First, I have never knelt. It’s sounds crazy maybe, but I’ve only knelt when preforming oral sex. I guess I didn’t understand the importance.
    So I will do this exercise and report back.
    Thank you so much for the guidance.

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 2 years ago

      We are currently in a kneeling challenge/exercise now. I will be hosting a chat in June to talk about it. Please see the Warren chatroom and you can talk to other like subs there about it as well. Thanks for commenting. LK

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 2 years ago

      Hi KittyKat, please do keep us in the loop and let us know how it is going. I am going to post a chat about the Kneeling Challenge soon. HUGS! LK

  9. sub16 2 years ago

    this was a great post I loved it I kneel down before my dominate wife everyday and kiss her feet and tell her how thankful I am to serve and obey her I kneel down before my dominate wife after I am punish and thank her for putting me back in my place

    • Author
      LK Founder D|s-M 2 years ago

      sub16, welcum to the site. You love to serve …. I can sooo appreciate that! Can’t wait to chat… HUGS LK

  10. coco/Tryitout 10 months ago

    Thanks for this post! I’m a couple years late, but as a new sub I think this is something that I need and want to try. 🙂

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