What have you done today to build your D/s dynamic? Are working toward making the most of your relationship or marriage? If you’re not working to strengthen it…IT IS WEAKENING! This is the submissive’s responsibility until your Sir can take that responsibility in full. Even once he has taken the training wheels off you still have a responsibility to keep it fresh and inspired. A good woman knows that you have to be the wind around the flame. You have a garden and it grows into fruition you can not just let it go after that fruition. You have to still weed it and til it to ready for the next planting…. or it becomes a dried up weedy mess, right? This message is so very important to new submissives as well as the more seasoned ones.
Dominants Inquire With-in Your submissive
You have to take this D/s seriously. This is something once you have a taste it changes things between the two of you. You have fallen down the “rabbit hole” and you now have to see the fairytale through. You come out the other side a different person..both of you will. You want the rays of the sun to be warming your skin as you come through the other side.
A submissive is an emotional and complicated being. She/he has many positive attributes. Her personality can be one of many. She is cunning yet soft. Her skin may not bruise easily but her heart will. How as a Dominant do you find out who she really is, What she is really thinking of or What it is she really wants from you. Dominants Inquire With-In. Dominants have to communicate with their submissives. We may not be able to translate what we are feeling to our Sirs before something becomes an issue in your daily interactions. The Dominant eventually will be able to see a difference in his submissives attitude or her mannerisms. Sensing something is “off” with his sub is when a Dominant should sit you down and communicate with you. This is what we call DOWNTIME. Now, sometimes issues can seem so big or confused that you can not communicate to him. I know sometimes I feel like its too small of thing that I perceive being an issue maybe in future. This may come into fruition or it ay not…yet I am afraid that it will become something at a later date. I will feel silly bringing it up. So important ladies that you do bring those issues up because it shows you are thinking ahead and are committed in making your dynamic the best it can be. Also, you are showing your commitment to your role. Your Dom will see it and bringing an issue to him will help him build his Dominant. Him helping you talk and work through your issues in essence being your rock will make him “puff” up his chest.
Say you have another issue that seems so confused and not even all the way thought out… Hard to communicate…. Been there….. I learned this over time. You have to still sit down and communicate to him how ever you can …tears, snot and lots of stuttering…LOL! You give him what you can. Let him decipher what he can. I found lots of times these things are based on feelings your having. Sometimes sitting and writing something down as well before downtime can help you share to him what it is thats bothering you. Take care of it before the small mound becomes a mountain.
Ok, anger is the hardest to try to communicate to your Dominant. Say you want to let him know that he is not doing his part in the dynamic. I talk about this daily with submissives, so I am using this as my example. First, Look in the mirror…. What is it you may not be doing to feed and grow his Dominant..Take responsibility! Are you doing all you can to be his submissive? Most if the time the answer is I could be doing more…. Write down what you need to improve on before you sit in your downtime. ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS… Do you still want this dynamic? How BAD do you want it? Then use a cooling off period before speaking but let one another know there is a certain amount of time then you both sit in downtime. ie… 20 min cool off then downtime. When you do sit…You will probably have a different outlook… You have to recognize you still have to submit but you have a voice so be respectful and talk to him about the situation you are in. Ask for what you want…. You are allowed to do so. Downtime you show your submission yet you fear NO retribution for what is said during this time. He will see your pain and your tears and will do the right thing… He will see you doing your best and will reciprocate.
You have to communicate even when you don’t feel like it. Your Sir should be able to demand that you explain what is happening in your mind… Let him inquire with-in…. I am always very pleased when he has helped me sort through issues… Men, in general like to fix things.. Let him help you.
This is not meant to be instructional for Dominants (Would NOT hurt to read this to him though.) but this is meant to be instructional for a submissive on how to translate what your feeling into a language that you can communicate to your Dominant. This will help you build your Dominants understanding of his submissive, you….