Better Sex Secret | Kegel Strengthening and Control

Improving the strength of your kegel muscles as well as your control of them improves not only your sexual health and sexual satisfaction. This is yet another great “better sex secret” that Marriage’s Sexiest Secret wants to share with you. Having strong kegels and control of your pelvic floor will lead you to having BETTER SEX.

  • Learning how to relax or contract your vaginal muscles, thus opening or closing the vaginal canal, helpful during sex or even the dreaded pelvic exams.
  • Using your kegels Improves blood circulation to your vagina and pelvic floor. This helps with increasing sexual arousal.
  • Orgasm Intensity, having strong kegel muscles makes it easier for your body to reach orgasm or helps you have control of their intensity.
  • Staying wet, increasing your body’s ability to lubricate itself.

Kegel Muscles

Kegel Muscles are the muscles of the Pelvic Floor. Your pelvic floor muscles form the bottom of your pelvis and support the organs; the uterus, bladder, and bowel. Your pelvic floor muscles are those muscles you use to stop your stream of urine or keep yourself from passing gas or having a bowel movement. When you have an orgasm, it’s that muscle that contracts and gives us the wonderful sensation.

Kegel Exercise

Kegel exercise is a physical activity performed by a woman to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, involving repetitions of both sustained and rapid voluntary contractions of the muscles. These exercises are used to treat urinary and bowel incontinence along with improving sexual function. It takes up to 5 months to achieve noticeable muscle strength, just as if you were strengthening any muscle in your body.

In D|s-M we encourage couples to keep tuned up. Add Kegels and Kegel devices to your monthly subMrs care. Kegel exercises are not just for women, men can benefit from practicing these exercises as well. When a male does kegels it strengthens their pelvic floor muscles, which support the bladder and bowel and affect sexual function. They may help improve erectile function, ejaculation control, and orgasm intensity in men.

How To:

  • First find your pelvic muscles: To identify your pelvic floor muscles, stop urination in midstream. Don’t actually practice stopping your urine stream, especially if your bladder is full. This can weaken muscles and lead to your bladder not emptying completely in the future. This practice also risk of urinary tract infections, or UTI. Once you’ve identified your muscles you can do the exercises in any position, although you might find it easiest to do them lying down at first.
  • Technique: Doing Kegel exercise, imagine you are sitting on a marble. Yeah you know the ones you played with as a kid. Try tightening your pelvic muscles as if you’re lifting up the marble. Try to hold your marble for three seconds at a time, then relax for a count of three.
  • Maintain focus: Concentrate on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles. Try to NOT flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs and buttocks. Make sure you are NOT holding your breath.
  • Repetition: Exercise three times a day. Do 3 sets of 10-15 repetitions.

Kegel Devices

Kegel strengthening many times is done with the help of a kegel device. Devices such as, kegel weights, kegel electro-stim, crystal eggs or ben wa balls. These are not just for the vagina, some may help the anal muscles as well. These devices cut down the amount of time needed for each strengthening workout. As with any toy or tool that is inserted in the body, do your homework, make sure it’s safe and clean every time you use it. You can learn more about these devices in our Toy/Tool Workshop Group on subMrs! Contact the group for the name of some of these devices.

Mastering Your Own body

The submissive knows she does not control a BDSM scene or the intercourse that goes along with that scene. But she understands that in learning her role she can make herself more knowledgeable about her body and prepare it, sharpen it and make it a better tool for her Dominate’s use. This goes for any partner in a relationship that wants to hone their skills.

Winking for Your Mate

You first can learn to “wink” for her Sir, wink your vagina for him. This is achieved by letting him watch your vagina or anus do a kegel exercise. This is the first step in learning control of these muscles.

Once you have gained the knowledge, strength and control of the pelvic muscles you can move onto really mastering your body by achieving the Kama Sutra Mare’s Trick. In India it is called the “Pompoir,” the Arabic word is “Kabbazah,” and in the Far East it is known as the “Singapore Kiss.” Article to follow all about this topic! ;0) Wink……Wink… ;0)….

No matter if you are a submissive, a couple using our D|s-M Method or just someone wanting to improve your marital intimacy, mastering your own bodies sexual skills (techniques) is very important to your sexual health and sexual satisfaction.

Kama Sutra

The term Kama Sutra comes from an ancient Hindu textbook written in Sanskrit about erotic love called The Kamasutra. The book is thought to be written sometime in the third century, its’ author, Vatsyayana Mallanga, nothing much known about him other than his name. In this book it discusses, The art of living well, the nature of love, finding a life partner, maintaining one’s love life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of human life. It’s not just about Sexual Positions as MOST times it is suggested.


Here are a few positions of the Kama Sutra for you to practice as a Dominant (D) and a submissive or sub-servient (S) partner.

The Queen of Heaven

(S) lies on their back with knees bent to the chest. The (D) positions their thighs on the outside of the (S) bent legs and leans forward.

The Padlock

(S) partner sits on a firm surface like a table and reclines back slightly. The (D) partner leans in, lifting the other person’s pelvis up, and cradling it securely. Then the (S) clasps their feet together behind the standing partner’s back.

The Milk and Water Embrace

With this position, (D) sits down in a chair, on a short stool, or on the bed. Then the (S) partner sits down on the lap of the (D) with their back to their chest. The (S) legs are on the outside of (D) legs. The (D) hands are able to rub the clit or nipples. Add a little more fun with an anal plug and nipple clamps!

Start your exercises today and check in with our subMrs Health & Wellness Group Discussion Thread about Kegel Exercises and your experiences.

Community Membership

Not yet a member? Interested in become part of the secret, Marriage’s Sexiest Secret?  To become a member of our Married Dominance and submission Communities, please see links, and If your husband cares to sate his interests in becoming or learning about becoming a husDOM, send him this husDOM link.  

Want to Hear More?

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*The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that subMrs shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

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