Phases of Dominance & Submission

Whew!….. Formal Acceptance is done. Subs think the work is done, HA! HA! …

husDoms… the work/play has just begun.

Phase: a distinct period or stage in a process of change or forming part of something’s development.

**This is the knowledge I have gained from my journey into D/s and helping all the other wonderful women & men in their journeys.

This by no means is not a “check the box type list” or “have to do it this way”.

Just a small glimpse into what I have experienced to make a successful transition from Vanilla to D/s .

You as a submissive take from it what you can and make it yours.

If you have anything to add please comment. We all learn from one another.

~Yours in Submission~

*Phase 1 is made up of 3 stages.

Phase 1/ 1-12 mo.

1-6 Months/ Guidance

The sub guides the D/s… You’re NOT the captain… but the first mate/copilot.

Defining your D/s… Definitions, Titles, Limits (hard & soft), Rules & Rituals: Keep it SIMPLE!

Learning the difference between play and a scene.

Finding things to keep the mindset, both Dom & sub

Practicing Downtime….

Sexy Communication…..

Work on Foundations:  Communication & Honesty, Trust & Respect.

Start working on your Instruments… Your Bodies.

Nipple Play… So important you learn about your nipples..appreciate what they can do for you before and during your scenes.

Begin Scenes: Spanking, Body Exploration, Mirror & Chair Scene.

Start as Bedroom submissive and it will move out of bedroom naturally.

Start Inspections & positions.

Learn S.O.A.P.

Learn to kneel.

Start your D/s Toy Box… Make sure to have the TOP TEN TOYS/TOOLS.

Purchase leather cuffs.

Discuss collars and differences between Day Collars & Training Collars.

You are both now Registered on subMrs.com & husDom.com 

Discuss Punishments. Physical Punishments I do not recommend at this stage.

Doms get to know their subs tolerances. (before physical punishments)

Gain your Dom’s Commitment.

6-9 Months/ Partial Training Wheels ( This term is just used as an “expression” not meant in any kind of disrespect. )

Sub is still guiding. Dom is engaging.

Keep feeding his Dom by being submissive.

Your Dom is thinking of ideas to keep atmosphere.

Dom is freely asking for your input yet giving you a hard time if you do…LOL!

You both understand how the Power Exchange works.

Others notice You have that something, A secret. You and your Sir get noticed… Putting off Pheromones…

Scenes are still rough but you are practicing regularity. (A blindfold/mask can hide a lot.)

Discovering new toys. Buying some naughty accessories.

Hotel getaways… Find some kinky friends to chat with.

Sub is learning how to work her body for her Sir. (Practice Blooming Scene.)

Learn to have a Squirting Orgasm.

Training begins: Oral, Anal and positions.

Oral: Learn what your Sir wants in a Blow-Job… You will be surprised..You don’t know until he instructs you… One on One… LIGHTS ON!

Anal: Lots of us have little experience on this end..LOL! Learn what anal plug works, how to use an anal probe..how to have anal sex so it pleases your Sir.

Positions:  Basic Positions … learn one at a time… 9 all together.

We all do Bratty sub….. You want to run…. Please slow down….. Make conscious steps…

You will hit “The Plateau” or the wall… but this happens and the other side is where all the growth happens.

Practice Punishments… They change from phase to phase.

9-12 Months/ Celebration: Congrats! 1st Phase over

Yeah, You have made it First Year Down…. Your D/s Anniversary is here!

Make sure to celebrate it BIG!

Reminder : Drinking and D/s does NOT mix…. For many reasons!

He is YOUR DOM!

This is where Your Sir takes the reigns…

This is where as subs we have to LET GO! Subs that like control will have trouble here.

Subs have to work on their submission in this stage. Let your husDom feed from your submission. Stroke him mentally and physically… :0)

Dom’s should be comfortable using tools/toys.

Subs Learning to SUBMIT here. We asked him for his Domination and he will be leading now.

Keep Mindfulness both sides D & s .

Get Inspired by those images, videos and books.

Dom’s engaged in his role & making atmosphere on his own.

Start tasting different dynamics with-in D/s. ( Lil’s, Sado/masochist, Pets, Slave, swing, Poly… just to name a few.)

Let each other know what turns you on… The things you kept deep inside.

Add role play to play times & scenes.

Downtime happening automatically … Do your Annual Review. Look over rules ect… make changes where needed.

Make goals you both want to reach.

Keep sharpening your skills.

Healthy is SEXY…

Phase 2 / 12-24 mo.

Listening & Hearing …………………Communication! 

Dom starts leading….. W/O your help.

Letting him lead, letting go of the control.  Subs LET GO!

Sub is working on her submission.

You may be listening but NOT hearing….  Downtime!

Doms make her feel safe within this Lifestyle..show her your commitment…

Protocols… High & low … Define for your dynamics.

Scenes are more successful for both of you. Include more of the slices of Pizza (dynamics) that you tasted and liked.

Learn the differences in the anal, vaginal & clitoral orgasms… Try to achieve all at the same time… See the fireworks…

Mind reading… physic ability…Not in use in D/s…. All out in the open. No more shyness or holding back. Your husDom knows you as his wife but is still learning to know you as his sub.

Communicate your feelings… Doms want your attention, say so… No Assuming…. anymore. Doms state your feelings or what you want to happen so that there is no misconceptions about any situations. Subs ask for what you want, it’s ok. Doms want to know so they don’t have to guess.

Stagnant issues. Both work on keeping things fresh… Schedule D/s time away..vacations & hotel stays. Meet other kinky couples.

Keep the D/s flowing. Do not do anything that will damn-up your D/s.

Keeping the sub engaged giving us something to look forward to. We are still wanting to run ahead…. find those things that will ground us yet make us happy.

Keeping Dom engaged and getting ideas. Doms PUSH your subs limits… Take a good look at those HARD limits…

Celebrate Your D/s regularly.

Doms…. Little gifts and surprises … Feed us… We as subs will feed you 10 fold…

Phase 3 / 2 + yrs. 

TIME of DISCOVERY 

Today, this is where we are. I find us going over things in all the above stages. Always keeping with the foundations.

At this point we are adding the “EXPERIENCES” that we all have on our “BUCKET LISTS” .

Taking a look at the hard and soft limits and finding ourselves and new higher heights to climb.

Plans are more complex. Trust is what got us here. Trust in one another.. We only do this as a team.

We have to make some decisions about how far are we willing to take this journey.

I ache for the DARKNESS... She calls to me daily… I want to swing from that chandelier.

My Sir is still holding me tight and making sure each step is taken only when we are both ready.

I will add to this list as we go… We will keep forging ahead, clearing the way for others to travel. I believe in Domination and submission.

 This is my reality.  

~LK~

****This is not an exact science and true for each couple… This is what I have found to be average in most cases.

Phases of Dominance & Submission