Sexy Christmas Calendar | Couples Ideas and Inspiration | Candles & Lights

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It’s that time again! Time for the subMrs Community Sexy Christmas Calendar, an adult calendar full of fun! Our calendar will be full of couple’s sexy ideas and inspiration. We will post an article each week, listed daily those sexy or kinky ideas for members to participate in. December, Week 1, Candles and Lights.


The month of December sees and has seen for hundreds or even thousands of years, festivals and holidays all around the world.  Especially in the northern hemisphere, they almost all include themes of community, warmth, and hope – and most use candles and lights to symbolize those themes.  

In Norse mythology the sun is a wheel that changes the seasons, and it may be from the Anglo-Saxon word for this wheel, “jul”, which the word yule comes from. At the mid-winter solstice, the ancient people of Northern Europe would light bonfires, tell stories and drink ale, in addition to making sacrifices to the gods to earn blessing on the forthcoming crops.  One most important sacrifice was the burning of the Yule log, a whole tree meant to be burned for 12 days in the hearth.  The light and warmth of those celebrations fostered community and brought warmth and hope, a reminder that spring would come again.

Got to Love those Greeks… Boy, they started everything kinky!

The ancient Greek Goddess Hestia was Goddess of the Hearth and was known for her hospitality. To honor Hestia, it is and was suggested to keep a candle dedicated to Hestia burning on your hearth or mantle.  The idea of candles signifying welcome can also be traced to colonial times and the Irish whose faith was outlawed by British priests attempting to repress the Irish Catholics, preventing them from practicing their faith. As a result, the priests went underground, traveling and worshipping in secret. Irish Catholics began lighting candles in their windows and leaving their doors unlocked at Christmas.  This was a sign that it was safe for a priest to visit under the cover of darkness.

Candles & Lights

Our more contemporary December holidays all incorporate candles:  Christians use candles at Christmas to represent the star of Bethlehem, and Jesus who is often called the Light of the World.  Hanukkah celebrations revolve around the lighting of the menorah to recall the miracle of the candles that burned for 8 days on a single day’s supply of oil.  Kwanza sees the lighting of a candle each day for one of the Nguzo Saba, or Seven Principles of building and supporting community and heritage.

With all this history from a multitude of different backgrounds and cultures, it’s not surprising that our holiday season is filled with candles and lights.  So maybe this month, find some time away from the blue lights of your computer, the fluorescent lights of the malls, and the red lights of your commutes, to allow the warmth and peace of holiday lights to build your submission and your dynamic.  We’ll give you some great ideas on subMrs’ sexy Christmas Calendar, but we’d love to hear yours as well. Please post some of your ideas and experiences and we’ll use our holiday candles to build community too!

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Sexy Christmas Calendar -Hygge

Day 1

Hygge and Christmas are a natural pair – if you have cozied up your nest, great!  Can you extend it with some more festive warmth?  If not, now is a wonderful time to do so.  Start with some lights – twinkle lights, candle light, or fire light – how can you create some warmth in your space?  Some heat in your dynamic?  Today also happens to be National Christmas Lights Day, so deck the halls…and the bedroom…with the soft, cozy glow of light!

If you have the lighting set, what else can you do?  As the weather gets cooler, we tend to want to snuggle in a bit more. What’s more snuggly than a new set of flannel sheets?  Wash them up and make them fresh.  Maybe add a scented candle or air freshener to the boudoir.  Perhaps white sheets and peppermint, or red with cinnamon, or cozy plaid and Christmas cookies.  Can you match your panties to those sheets?  Of course, you also must christen those new linens in the most delicious ways!  

Pooling of Hot Wax

Day 2

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You had to know it was cumming!  One of our favorite uses for candles in D|s-M is Wax play!

Wax Play is a sensual temperature play involving warm or hot wax usually dripped from candles or ladled onto a person’s naked skin causing a slight burning sensation.  It is common practice in BDSM scenes.  In D|s-M, it is a way to build on the foundations of trust, one of the main pillars of this dynamic. If this is new for you, check out this Wax Play Article on subMrs, as well as the forums on the website, or ask questions on the NEW subMrs Discord App.  



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Christmas Twinkle

Day 3

Christmas lights actually started out just as candles, attached to the tree using wax or pins. The practice began in Germany during the 17th century and over the next 200 or so years; it became an established practice in Germany and began to spread out into other countries of Eastern Europe.  The purpose was to illuminate and make those beautiful works of art that decorated the tree become even more visible. In 1915 glass balls and lanterns started being used, replacing the candles on trees as the main form of illuminating and providing glittering beauty.

Tonight, perhaps your Sir would like to illuminate and make his own beautiful work of art more visible.  You may want to use a little Christmas bondage, by stringing Tinsel & Christmas lights wrapped around his submissive… She will shine bright, be the TWINKLE he needs!

Intensional & Purposeful Submission

Day 4

One of the tools we have, to build our submission and our dynamic, is to be intentional or (yet another “P” word, we love to hate.) purposeful.  While most of us acknowledge the power of thinking and acting intentionally, sometimes vanilla life gets in the way.  We don’t make the same choices, the same effort, to put living our dynamic ahead of other things.  We don’t plan for our submission the way we schedule our meetings or plan our grocery list.  Heading into these busy holiday weeks, could your dynamic benefit from some planning and intention?

Ask Yourself

Could you add downtime or a scene to your calendar, just like you do dinner at your Aunt Moles ?

Do you need emotional or physical sub-port from your Sir to help you get through a painful office party?  Ask for it!

You know, those things that you want to do personally or professionally, that keeps getting pushed back, tonight, talk to your Sir about these things, open them up to the cosmos. It will answer you by the full moon. Put your dynamic on your schedules. Schedule your intimacy like it is the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE… !!

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New Moon

Today is a new moon, the last one of this year.  The new moon marks the beginning of a new lunar cycle and often brings with it an array of new beginnings. This means new moons can be the ideal time for self-reflection, course correction and goal setting…for manifesting your intentions. 

Take some time to craft intentions that are clear, concise, and as specific as you can make them.  Journal about them or share them with your Sir.  This can help you find allies in your partner and the universe in pursuing your aspiration.  This can help to keep you focused on what it is you’re really after.  Bring some light into your life in some other way, lighting a candle on the darkest night of the month can signify your desire to bring a little more light into your life. 

If you don’t know where to start, maybe you need some self-care time, a new moon bath to figure that out.  A Ritual New Moon Meditation can help to cut out some of the noise – try the candle meditation you see below.  

Candle Meditation Ritual

  • Turn the lights out and light a candle. Position at eye level, or slightly below. Slight tilt of the head, looking down at the candle but making sure that your not slumping.  It’s important that you are able to maintain a comfortable upright posture that feels natural to you. Sit with your candle at least a few inches away, you don’t want it too bright.
  • Then stare at the candle and allow the image of the flame to burn into your mind.  At first, your mind will probably wander about and your eyes may resist your efforts to keep them still. This is normal behavior for eyes and it will ease as your meditation progresses. Like any meditation, if distractions arise, simply return your attention to the candle flame and ask the flame to help you let them go.
  • You can deepen this method of meditation by imagining that you are breathing the light of the candle in and out. (Don’t visualize the smoke, as if you do …you will cough.) Never make your meditation too complex as your goal here is to allow your natural breathing rhythm to fill you with awareness.  Then you will casually start to sense that the light of the candle is flowing into you as you breathe in and out. You’ll sense a purity and clarity infusing with your body and mind as you absorb and fall into this meditation.
  • In the depth of this meditation, you may feel stillness of your eyes and mind, meaning your brain will stop the processing information of what you are seeing. Slowly your peripheral vision may start to fade until you have no visual awareness of anything but your candle flame.  Your eyes are open, but you are actually only seeing the small flame in front of you. It will feel as if there is no distance between yourself and the flame. In essence, you’ll become one with the flame.
  • To achieve this profound experience, you MUST have mental stillness and the physical stillness of your eyes. As soon as your eyes move, your brain will flood with sensory input and you will instantly snap back into everything that’s going on around you again.

Setting Intension

This is just one of many things you may choose to perform during the New Moon. Make your own D|s-M ritual or prepare your bathing area for you and your Sir.  The important part, whether you choose to journal or meditate or take a different approach, is to be present, be patient with yourself, and be purposeful (how’s that for P words!?).  What will you do to be intentional for the full moon, today, … this month?  

The Candle’s Flame

Day 5  

It’s not an accident that high end restaurants classically use candlelight as part of the decor – it makes you more relaxed, in less of a hurry, and some studies show you actually eat less.  Tonight, plan an intimate and relaxed time with your HusDom. A candle lit dinner for two, a relaxing bath, or even extra downtime.

You probably do not want scented candles for a meal, but here are some ideas for scents you might consider helping set the mood in the bedroom or bathroom. You also can never go wrong with a “Christmas scent” to make you more “jolly”.

Candle Scents

  • Vanilla is sweet, warm, and soothing; it’s also a natural aphrodisiac! Historically, the Mayans, Chinese even the the French have connected vanilla’s scent to sexual arousal. Its sweetness can reduce drowsiness and help ease tension and stress.
  • Festive peppermint is known for invigorating qualities and is used as an herbal stimulant. Maybe even on those nipples! It can help women achieve multiple orgasms.  A fun buttery fragrance with menthol undertones, match it with candy cane stockings and very little else.
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  • Ginger, spicy but sweet, the perfect metaphor for a SubMrs. Hearing the word “Ginger” can cause panic in the heart of some submissives, getting their hearts pumping. Figging, the practice of inserting a piece of skinned ginger root into the human anus or the vagina in order to generate an acute burning sensation. Historically this was a method of punishment, but it has since been adopted as a practice of BDSM. The term “figging” comes from the 19th-century word “feaguing.” Ancient Greeks were the first to use the method in physical punishment and discipline on female slaves in Ancient Greece. Back to the pleasure of vanilla, the scent of ginger is known to stimulate the circulatory system, especially the sex organs. Spicy and warm scents can also lead to perspiration, which can heighten chemicals that lead to sexual attraction.  Kama Sutra often refers to ginger as a powerful aphrodisiac.
  • Jasmine has been used for erotic purposes for centuries, particularly in Hindu and Muslim traditions. It contains indole, a compound that is found close to human genitals, connecting it innately to a sexual experience. It can also produce feelings of euphoria and confidence.  Try it with sandalwood.
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  • Neroli is a modern favorite when it comes to scents. Made from steam-distilled bitter orange blossoms, it is sweet and refreshing with a metallic undertone that can make it an overall head aroma. It blends particularly well with several other scents on this list, including jasmine, ylang ylang and sandalwood.
  • A traditionally masculine scent, Sandalwood has been used for over 4,000 years as an aphrodisiac. Sandalwood relieves tension, relaxes muscles and is well known for its meditative properties. As the name suggests, it has a woody, muskier aroma, but is still creamy and milky.
  • L.K.’s favorite scent, for the bedroom or during the Yule Season…. is Voluspa, Gilt Pomander & Hinoki.

We Wish You ….

As we close this first week of X-mas, we wish you a candlelit, romantic and kinky first week of subMrs ideas and inspiration! Be the moth to his flame! Begin your XXX-Mas December with joy and light! on subMrs, keep watching each week for more Sexy Christmas Calendar suggestions to fill your dynamic’s stocking, using the wonders of this holiday season.  Don’t forget to print this off and take it to your husDOM for their review!

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