-
Newish and struggling
I was new to this lifestyle when I met Sir, he has had over 25 years experience.
I always knew I was submissive but to what degree etc I had no clue what I was really doing.
Sir encouraged me from the start to research and find my way without pressing me. Sir collared 8 months ago. I have minor rules and protocols etc and thought I was doing right things. I have asked Sir for some more rules etc but he says I am not ready, and he doesn’t want to break me.
We had our first big fight in our relationship 3 days ago and I couldn’t differentiate between our relationship and our dynamic, I thought he was breaking up with me and made the mistake of asking him if he was wanting collar back so of course he promptly said to hand over the collar. I was devastated.
We talked things through the next night and he says i will have to earn collar back. Sir also says that I only give him the bits of myself I want to give not all of me.
Our biggest break down is communication, Sir admits he needs to communicate better.
How can I learn to be better submissive and act and say things appropriately? -
5 Replies
-
GypsyRose,
Hello and welcome!
I first want to point out something that really stuck out to me. You said:I have asked Sir for some more rules etc but he says I am not ready, and he doesn’t want to break me.
To me, that sounds like you have a caring and responsible Sir…so keep that in the front of your mind.
To actually answer your question; it sounds to me like you guys need to work on your foundation. You mentioned communication as being an area that needs improvement, but communication is only one part of the foundation. Here, at submrs, we are taught to build a foundation of HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, TRUST, RESPECT and LOVE. In my opinion and limited experience, I believe that if one is not solid then ultimately none of them truly are. One great way to work on the honest communication is to start practicing the downtime ritual…especially when it comes to topics of our dynamic. It is so much more than “talking to each other”. The formality of it puts and keeps both Dom and sub in mindset in order to better communicate with each other concerning our dynamics.
Here are some links for you to read up on that may help you:
Foundation
Downtime
Expectant submissive Personality
Showing Respect to your DominateSincerely,
Veruca -
GypsyRose
Reading this I had so many feelings I had to respond. Losing your collar, whether your the one giving it or it’s being taken can be devastating. I had a moment in our relationship that I thought about taking off my collar it was a very low point. I know others that have either taken theirs off or had it taken off at some point in their relationship. Please don’t feel that you are alone in this. Change is not failure it’s an opportunity for growth and learning that’s all. Growth and learning are good things.
A couple things I noticed in your post was:’I couldn’t differentiate between our relationship and our dynamic’ in my opinion the dynamic should feed the relationship. The connection and intimacy you build in your dynamic feeds your relationship so that they become one. How? That leads me to the other thing: ‘Sir also says that I only give him the bits of myself that I want to give not all of me.’ I would look into this. Why does he feel that way? Is it true? If it is why are you holding pieces back? What do you need to be able to give those pieces freely? These can be heavy questions and there are no wrong answers. For me journaling helps me think out big questions and sort my thoughts. Do what you need to sort your thoughts then downtime to share them. You mentioned communication can be troublesome. Sometimes Sir and I do mirroring in our talks. It’s when one person shares their thoughts then when they are done the next person says ‘what I’m hearing is….. you feel, you want, you need,ect. Then the first person can agree or correct what they are trying to say. You repeat until it is clearly understood by both. Then the second person shares. It helps us clear up misunderstandings.
This is all just my opinion so please take what ever you feel helps and discard the rest. Please don’t get discouraged we all have road bumps in life. I wish you all the best in your journey
Jsbunny-
Thankyou Veruka and Jsbunny, I am taking all this information onboard.
I discussed with Sir last night about downtime, foundations etc as well as why or what he feels I am not giving.
I am in a much better place than I was a few days ago, and truly appreciate your advice
Sonya x
-
-
A quick update, Sir and I are back on track, talking a lot, I am now journalling, AND Sir gave me my collar back last night 😀
I have a question though, when Sir gave me the collar the first time, he made the comment that I wouldn’t get another one. He made the same comment last night and I am not sure how to interpret this? Sir and I are not married but I know to Sir the collar means more than a wedding ring….. -
First…Yay!!!!! I’m soooooo happy for you. I glad to hear things are moving in the right direction for you and your Sir. Second if you have questions on his meaning ask him. You guys have got the lines of communication open so use them. It could mean a number of things or just be his wording at the time. It never hurts to ask but assuming or trying to interpret meaning into things sometimes can. Downtime could be a good place for this conversation.
Again Yay you two!!!❤
Hugs
Jsbunny
Log in to reply.