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He’s not committed
My husband asked me almost 2 years ago now to try this lifestyle. It wasnt something I was interested in at first but I knew it was important to him so I did. After working out some of the normal and natural kinks we have successfully made this work for us. He’s happy, I’m happy. It’s been better than I expected. He made some amazing changes initially. Really caring deeply for me in ways I had never seen him do before. It was something really special and very intimate and deep. My issue is that he’s not consistent in this lifestyle. He goes in spurts. For months at a time he’s exactly what I need my dom to be. He keeps me in line and I serve and am at his service as he sees fit. Then I notice he slips. He’s completely gone. No dom. I can’t pull him away from his PlayStation or golf or tv or his phone. I mess up intentionally to see if he will discipline and he doesn’t. I disobey regularly to entice him to fulfill his role and he doesn’t. This has happened many many times over the course of almost two years. I guess I feel like I shouldn’t have to do this every few months should I? I feel like he’s not consistent and if he’s not consistent then he’s not committed and if he’s not committed then to him this is just a game. Not a lifestyle. It makes me feel like he’s using me when it’s convenient for him. Is this normal? Does anyone else struggle with this? Is this my fault, am I doing something wrong? I follow all the rules he has in place. I rarely stray from the guidelines we’ve set up. I serve and please him as instructed too. I mean…what’s happening? 🙁
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2 Replies
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Let me ask a few questions:
Do you have a regular DownTime scheduled?
Do you have any rituals that you do all the time? These could be things like bedtime rituals. I have to get on the bed head down, ass up and wait for BW to give me permission to get into bed, for example.Lastly, I would recommend that you double down in those times, not act out. It’s tough, I know, but acting out isn’t getting you what you want.
Here is a great place to start reading some great blogs about married D/s and how to make it work, Where to begin
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Beau’s sweets,
When I read your comments I had very similar thoughts to what Pearl said. You are having a breakdown in communication which is critical for a strong foundation in D|s-M. When you resort to acting out by being bratty or intentionally trying to get a rise you are reverting back to old vanilla behaviors. My recommendation is to get on your knees and ask for Downtime. There are rituals and protocols that can be added to your dynamic to help you both stay in the mindset. When vanilla starts creeping in, you need to call it like you see it in a very respectful way.
My Sir and I have been D|s-M for a little over two years now. The most important thing we have done to ensure our success is to surround ourselves with like-minded and goal oriented individuals. We are both active in our respective husDom and subMrs communities. We BOTH have to be willing to put in the effort to learn and grow. We make the time to chat on a routine basis as well as attend the scheduled chat topics. There is magic to be found if you both put in the effort!
sub-Hugs!
subMarie
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