submissive Lessons | Run, Fall, and Scrape your knees

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Whether your husband has already accepted your Formal Acceptance and his role or If you have yet to get his full commitment on the D/s-M dynamic.

YOU WILL RUN, FALL and SCRAPE your KNEES!

** There is a submissive lesson amongst this short tale. We will schedule a live submissive chat to discuss this post. Be there or be vanilla. Watch the calendar for the date.

The excitement that fills your mind and body is bubbling out uncontrollably. Your days are bright and sometimes you are blinded by the intoxication of all that is Domination and submission. Your running along a newly constructed road, deeply graveled and uneven from the lack of traffic upon it.

YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FALL BUT YOU’RE NOT ALONE!

I am familiar with BDSM, we have done Domination and submission before, heck, we have been doing it all along. I am ready to

RUN!

Unfamiliar and irregular stones of different sizes.  The best laid roads have dips and potholes and hair-pin curves.  Yet you still RUN…. Run, hurry!  It’s a race, isn’t it?  Is it?  You will see others along the way, the fallen.

WE are not going to be one of those that fall, I am in control.

FASTER!

You will compare other’s experiences and what they say their D/s-M is like. Measuring what you have to others.  Why?  Why isn’t my D/s moving like theirs?  I need to grab my husDOM’s hand and keep… RUNNING!

You’re working up a sweat, but as you run and your hands start to slip… grasping at your Sir.  You look into his face and then let go.  He is saying something to you but you can’t hear him, you’re already too far ahead.  You have take up the race on your own.

I will meet up with him next time around.

Your internal voice says, “Wait…. have I been going in circles?  Have I seen this tree before?  Are these my own shoe prints I just rushed by?  Nah, it’s ok……  Whew, I am getting tired but I have to get to the finish line.  Keep RUNNING!”

 Perspiration is dripping from all your neither regions.  You start to cramp, your pace slowing but you keep going.  All that talking to other running submissives, now your mouth is parched and dry like the dessert.

Oh my, was that a camel or a mirage?  This is a lot of work. Am I fooling myself, is this going to work?

WHEN SUDDENLY, it happens, your footing slips and you start tumbling, YOU’RE FALLING.

It STINGS, tears fall and your heart hurts.

Was it that detour, the promised short-cut?

 It’s his fault.  He did NOT do his part, as I did.  I ran soooo hard.  I did all the work.

Yet we still FELL or FAILED!

What are you going to do next?

Are you going to sit, complain and point fingers in all directions?  Their is no room for fault or blame.

Stand Up, wipe yourself off, take responsibility for your part and begin again!

Turn to your new communities, ask questions and educate yourself on how Mr Fox and I represent it.  The steps and foundations are all here and on husDOM.com.  We show you how to get started.  After you have the foundations you then can take the controls and work together to form a D/s-M that is like none other. Your D/s can enrich your marriage.  D/s-M helps you focus again on what’s important mid-life.

submissive Lessons **

What does the community do for you and your journey?

It’s pretty simple, you need someone to communicate with about what you’re feeling and experiencing.  The sub-port you receive here is coming from some of the worlds best married submissives.  They can talk about their experiences.  The community has groups to join and be a part of.  We offer live submissive chats for new submissives twice a month.  You can make friends with others that understand what you are going through.

You’ve been in D/s before why is D/s-M different?

D/s, before the way that it has always in the past been represented as a singles dynamic, a dark perversion, mythical and something to be hidden and sometimes relating to swinging couples. When Mr. Fox and I began our journey there was no place that brought D/s into a light or taught it promoting it to monogamous married couples. Someplace that would show you how to do it in a way that advocates relationship foundations of  honesty, communication, respect, trust and intimacy (Love).

D/s-M, is not just kink. Many times someone logs on and tells me they have been doing this for years and didn’t know what to call it. D/s-M is not just a spanking during sex. We show you how to have the dynamic in a healthy and sustainable way where it can stay viable within your marriage. Giving you that something, the magic, that other couples do not have and can not comprehend it without a thorough explanation.

 

 

Remember, this is a partnership.  Team work is the key.  It’s not about how bad you want it, it’s about how bad you both want it! It’s about both your knees.

Register Now

Please I need comments with this post, questions and comments, I will bring them to our Scheduled Live submissive Chat and discuss your comments and answer your question. Thank you submissives!

Best Wishes, Little Kaninchen

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      1. I will give this more thought; I don’t have any questions right now. Often I read something in your blogs or the chat that sparks a question or interest that I haven’t discovered yet on my own, so I will be sure to record it back here. I do enjoy learning how other couples define D/s for themselves. Whenever my mind starts to compare theirs to ours, I remind myself that each dynamic is unique. If I learn something that creates a new desire or need, I bring it to Sir and we discuss it. The same for the bumps that we have experienced so far. Sometimes I find it is more productive for us to call a future DT so that we can process our individual thoughts thoroughly before speaking to one another instead of dealing with the issue immediately and incompletely. Thank you for your guidance to keep our focus on one another and taking each step of this journey together.

  1. This was a great post LK! I can sooo relate to this. For the first 4 months I would get frustrated because I kept running, even when I felt I was walking, my Sir still felt I was running. I was pushing. Then suddenly we had an experience that made him ready to move forward at a faster pace, start researching and really exploring his role as a Dom. He’s still of course growing all the time as I am but I no long feel the need or desire to run. I still might make a suggestion during DT but I don’t feel the need for constant guidance. He still is keeping me grounded in other ways, like jumping into munches and public play. He keeps me walking and not running, easing us in at the pace he feels is best for us. ❤

  2. Man, I remember wanting to run…while Sir was walking. The result was a lot of bruises on my knees! It was so frustrating. I remember being told by you that I had to be PATIENT…that was a four letter word to me, lol! After hearing it enough though, I finally resigned myself to walk along side Sir. I still find myself wanting to sprint forward every now and then. Thank God, I have my subbies here to talk to and Sir to grab me by my hair and get me walking again! ?

    1. You have learned and can cum testify to your journey down this road V…. at the live sub chat. What you mentioned is so many times the case. Thanks for commenting and see you at the chat. HUGS!

      LK

  3. Subtastic post as always LK and so true! I also wanted to run and knew my Sir was farther behind me in the knowledge of D/s and it was frustrating as hell sometimes. It wasn’t that Sir wasn’t learning but Sir wanted to do things right the first time as much as possible so we would only hit small pot holes and not craters in the road. So Sir sat down with me and said we are going to take it at a slow pace and be on the same page to learn together and to grow together. We tend to forget that are Sirs are the pilot and they have more to learn on how to navigate the course for us without going off course, choosing the manual made for us only (rules, rituals, scenes, playtime, DT, learn how to use implements correctly) plus work a full time job. So I understand why us submissives need patients. Lol!

    1. Thank you LT. Your experience with having an empty nest right in the beginning was different then most and I would luv for you to share those differences on the chat. HUGS ALWAYS you’re a special woman!

      LK

  4. THIS is EXACTLY me!!! I saw this wonderful world. That two normal married people could have and just knew that ttwd would be the icing on the cake in our relationship. I didn’t take into consideration where we had allowed our relationship to get to throughout the years. Bad habits, kids, and they “way” you should live, get relationships so out of wack, that it’s hard to live this good when your so use to repetitively not so good. I did ALL of these things just as you have posted here. To a T. Now not only did I slightly damage his willingness, my heart and soul felt as if they were flushed down the toilet, and he pushed the handle. I felt that I laid myself so bare and in the most raw form and he didn’t care enough. The one and only, the man I have chosen for life! The one who I am his everything, his entire world, didn’t care enough. This is exactly how I felt. If I’m being honest, it’s the closest I could have been to leaving. I actually felt like I didn’t care either way. I was damaged beyond repair. It was absolute hell.
    When he finally came to broken because of my actions and behavior is when I realized it’s not all about me. It’s about US. What is comfortable and enticing to me may scare the heck out of him. I was too much for him all at once. I showed him this new world, which was 100% opposite of what we had lived, and expected, key word there, him to jump in and be hand in hand while I was running. One, I shouldn’t have expected that out of him. Two if I want him to lead, I shouldn’t have been tugging so much on his hand. Three people don’t change overnight and I know this. I expected us to just write off the way we had repeatedly lived for years, without fixing things at the root. I just expected him to see this as wonderful as I did and….GO. The healing period has been a very rough time. The feeling of being unworthy was almost to much for me to handle. But…I have learned through those pain and tears. What I have learned along my journey, I can not put down. I carry on each day. I have seen his dominance. There are things, boot removal especially, that I know he likes. So I try to do those. Not just because he likes them, but because it feed some need in me. I try very hard to see those dominant moments and respect them to the utmost, so that he is proud of himself. His confidence to stand up and be man had been damaged, and it hurts my heart. I try to not put labels or put much emphasis regarding D/s right now, even though I see IT. I send him a few kinky things every couple of weeks. I was brace enough to send him a post on wax play and the levels of pain in order to fly. He played very well. There are many times I look at him and us and think there is nothing D/s about this moment. Or, times I see his D side just isn’t in the vicinity. It’s those times I do that create hope. It’s my knowledge of who I am, what I like, and the journey ahead, and the strength to know I’m ok with those things. It’s what I’m willing to do and endure to get where I want to be in our relationship one day. Sometimes I feel sneaky. Like he might just realize he is the Dom he never considered. The hardest part in all of this was dealing with my feelings. My heart and soul being crushed by the one who is suppose to hold me up as the Queen in his life. Little did I not realize, how crushed he felt when I felt he could/would not do those things. If I had someone who had been through or could have given me some insight on where I was and that I’d be okay. Someone who could honestly relate, may have helped me. I felt completely alone and that I was a failure. At one point he told me I had given up on him and us. My reply…no I have given up on me. Honestly I did. I had to. I had to give up all the things I wanted. Where I thought we could be some day. And how I thought IT should be. This was and still is the largest internal struggle I have ever had, and you know what, it humbled me. I didn’t see that then, but I do know. Letting go of the expectation allowed me to see the experience. I was blinded by a light that I was shining.
    LK, this is probably one of the most profound posts I have read in s long time. This touches me in a place that has laid down in a dark place for a while. My only suggestion would be to include how to get over the deep depression of the fall. It’s s deep wound before it’s a scab.
    I wouldn’t miss this scheduled chat for the world…unless He said so ?

    1. Unfortunately, I have to warn everyone when they begin that this dynamic is not for everyone. Some husbands will not want to be the Dominant in a relationship. Also, brings up how important it is to follow through with the steps the way I present them so you don’t have to repeat and try to go over the writing that has already been written. Liz, I think you know that this can be a hard journey, but if it is that hard is it worth going through all of this over again? Sometimes it does take another try. Sometimes you may not be D/s-M, You may just be a “Top/bottom” dynamic… We will discuss all these topics in our chat and I appreciate your honesty regarding your experience. As for the depression if you don’t achieve a D/s-M, I would look at it like I have two roads I could choose from. Stay on the road of D/s without my husband or the road where you both stay together and find another way to deepen your relationship. Which is more important to you? Having D/s-M or Having your husband? I know that is over simplifying it but it really cums down to that. Since becoming a life coach, If someone came to me today, asking what to do? I would tell them sit communicate your wants of your relationship with your husband. Acknowledge his wants and listen to his words. Validate his feelings and find a road you both deem to be the right one. Many Best WIshes, HUGS! See you at the chat! LK

      1. I couldn’t agree more. As of right now, I want my husband and to deepen our relationship. If it leads to D/s-M then great! If not, then I have the journey and a deeper relationship. I appreciate and value your opinions, views, and the great efforts to help others. This may or may not work for us. I have something in me that I can not let go of. For now, I am trying to better our relationship. With hope for more.

  5. This is a great post as always LK. 3 years into our journey and there are still days that I want to run. In the beginning I was running, my sir was walking and we hit many road bumps along the way. At one point we even compared to others. This is a NO NO. Thank you LK for walking me off the ledge a few times and for all the ladies out on site for the support. I can’t stress enough of building the foundations for when you do hit these walls you can recover and continue on your journey. Thank you for these posts that help us along the way. Today my sir and I are walking side by side growing, maybe a small step back here and there but still moving foward.

    Look forward to the live chat!!

    Hugs
    Sweetness

    1. Yes, that is how things have to go… but as long as your’e holding hands and have a secure grip or foundation then you can’t get to far ahead of him… Please bring your thoughts to the chat!

      LK

  6. O man! This is one of those stories that I skip because I know there’s stuff in there I don’t want to hear. I really want to throw a rope (ha ha I said rope) around hub-sir, put my fingers on my ears and run faster all the while humming “I can’t here you LK, must keep running, must keep running”.
    I read you need questions so here you go:
    1. How can a sweet loving subbie know the difference between gently guiding , sharing suggesting as opposed to gently draging , pushing and pulling there hub-sirs.
    2. The D/s relationship is not going in the direction that one of the partners (marathon running subbie) wants it to. Subbie is starting to feel sadness and even rejected by her hub-sir. How can our tired little subbie quit the race all together without making her husband feel that he has failed her?
    I’m so happy to have found this place. I literally have no one to talk to about this part of our life the loneliness was about to make me go crazy.
    Thank you,
    E☆

    1. Estella, this is sooooo the norm, never feel bad, just be aware that you are doing it and let your Sir catch up once in a while. If your Sir is like mine, he will throw you a life preserver and pull you back a bit. We will discuss at chat! Thank you for your questions and comments… HUGS! LK

  7. “Remember, this is a partnership. Team work is the key. It’s not about how bad you want it, it’s about how bad you both want it! It’s about both your knees.” Love the focus on togetherness in these closing words of your post, LK. At its heart, this journey is one to be taken together. Reminds me of running a 3 legged race. You have to work together with your partner to pick the pace, the route… and if you trip you have to help each other back up again or you just keep stumbling. Such good advice, especially in these early stages of the dynamic that we are currently experiencing in my house.

  8. Thank you for this gentle, yet very real reminder about taking things slowly and building a foundation to create a unique experience that is our own. We are new in this dynamic (together), but I have longed for it for most of our marriage. My Sir just returned home from a deployment and agreed before hand to be my Dominant and explore and incorporate a D/s dynamic into our relationship (in and out of the bedroom).

    I’m becoming more comfortable explaining what it is I need from him and he has expressed that my openness and vulnerability excites him and is helpful. He has also expressed that all of the information that is “out there” (on the web, in books, etc.) is overwhelming. Being one to take great care in researching and dissecting everything in life, he’s moving and understanding things a little slower than my sub desires want him to. I know it’s important for me to step back and let him learn and move at his own pace. I also know that I need to adjust to his cadence. Just as a backpack molds to your body when you strap it on making it easy for you to maneuver, I believe I need to make it easy for him to carry me through this – this lifestyle that I have requested. I should not be contradicting or withold my feelings. I should be consistent and willing to let him run ahead and I follow. Some of the excitement is in not knowing where he will carry me and believing his promise of helping me achieve fulfillment, being my best and pushing and testing my limits. One thing I fear is guiding too much, but I know he needs and wants my input. And realistically, I know that just because it took years for me to tell him what I honestly wanted to make our relationship better (for him to be my Dom and I, his submissive), it will take time for him to evolve and grow into his Dominance and accept and mould my surrendering.

    As he begins to establish his role as Dominant, I will focus less on what I want and more on what I’m willing to give as his submissive. I’ve noticed that this seems to be the key to lighting a spark within him. When I willingly surrender and submit (relieving myself of all the questions, doubt, or even embarrassment – wanting one thing, but feeling the need to act as though I don’t), he always responds positively. He seems to appreciate when I am genuine in my surrender. I need to just remember that I can’t run ahead. I have to run with him or maybe even a step behind in order for this to work so that it evolves gracefully and organically. To us, it seems that this is all unfamiliar, when in reality, we seem to be tapping into who we really are slowly, but surely. I quickly become disappointed when I don’t achieve a certain level of satisfaction, but I will slow my pace to run with him.

    Just my thoughts…

  9. So much good info and reminders here. EarmarkIng it as I know I will need to revisit in the near future . Thanks for the advance warning , and signs to look out for. Slowing my pace. …
    Wildflower

    1. Welcum Wildflower! I am happy that you enjoyed the post. It is very true you have to revisit this post at certain stages of your D/s-M… Please keep reading and commenting.. HUGS! LK

  10. We have been D/s-M for 2 1/2 years now and what is interesting is that at the beginning, I had tons of “Sub-frenzy” and wanted to run like the wind while Sir was in his slower pace. I have since learned to slow down and walk with him, side- by- side, in our journey. Sometimes I feel that he does not keep up in our current walking pace (during our ebbs) but instead of placing blame our pointing out what I think are short-falls , I turn the focus on myself to get in my sub headspace, meditate and remember that he is in control and I am his co-pilot. It is not about me….the journey is about us. Until… bam! There is something new that I want to experience, like a new type of play, or something that used to be a hard or medium limit that I am now ready to explore. I get “sub-frenzied” all over again, doing lots of reading, research, and suggesting to Sir what I am so excited about, sometimes not waiting until down-time to do it. It is important to mention that this kind of response from me does not happen with every new wanton experience, but only sometimes with special ones that were once a deep fantasy or taboo. I am typically a good girl and keep by pace with him. When the “frenzy” does happen, then he corrects me to once again “slow down”. I stop and think ” I should know better than to run like the wind” and I do slow it down. It just goes to show, that even though I am a couple of years into the D/s-M , which by the way we are D/s 24/7, there are some certain times where I get ahead of him. Not very often, but sometimes. So the journey and growth continues for both of us, including ebbs and flows. What do they say? ” It is the journey that matters, not the destination”

    1. It is important to note that my Sir introduced me to D/s at the beginning so some may have a different experience to how they first were exposed to the concept. He approached me first and that is what led me to believe that he was sort of “running” down the path at the beginning. Later I learned that how he thinks is very different than what I first imagined and I discovered that he is very cautious and thoughtful of the pace that he has decided to take us on our journey.

  11. Speaking of Ebbs and Flows, my Sirs post about the subject is a great one so I will post it here.
    https://husdom.com/ds-relationships-ebbs-and-flows/
    Please read this to your Sir’s ladies and get your husDOM’s registered on http://www.husDOM.com . There is so much there for them to learn from.

    We all run, we all fall and we all scrape ours knees. We all need to get up and pat ourselves on the back and tell ourselves that this will pass and start to walk again, hand in hand with our Dominants.

    HUGS! Little Kaninchen