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What to do when you feel neglected…
Hi. I’m not 100% new to D/s (or at least aspects of it)…I have been married for almost 20 years and we’ve toyed with various aspects of the lifestyle for a good 13 or 14 years. Recently we decided to take it to a 24/7 dynamic. And so far all I’ve been left with 98% of the time is feeling neglected and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve almost got the feeling that since we moved things from a “sometimes” thing to a 24/7 thing my husband has changed! I don’t mean that I feel like he’s doing a better job of being my Dom. No, it’s more like… “Be available when I want you, where I want you, and how I want you but the rest of the time f off and keep your mouth shut. Be content to cook, clean, do laundry, homeschool our son, feed the cat and dog, answer the phones, keep track of appointments, go to bed alone, sleep alone, spend the majority of your day alone (aside from teenage kids, cat and dog) and I could give a F less about what you want”. :/ So today I’m doing laundry, I’ve assigned homeschool lessons, I’m thawing the meat for dinner, and I want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I don’t really want to be a brat and throw a hissy fit because the last time I did (almost a year ago and before we went into 24/7) all hell broke loose and our kids thought we were going to get a divorce. But sadly I feel like his online friends that he plays some PS4 games with are more important to him than I am. I hear him sitting up most of the night laughing and having fun with them while I lie alone in bed trying to make myself go to sleep. It’s like he has to spend countless hours 7 days a week hanging out with these people, yet I do good if I get an hour of his time once a month!! He wants sex WHILE he plays with his friends…and in a position that 99% of the time leaves my legs so sore I can barely walk :/ So right now I am so horribly frustrated that it isn’t even funny!!
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3 Replies
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I have to say that I am going to be very honest with you about what you have written here. I feel your hurt and frustration, but with that said…what you are describing is not D/s and further more, not D|s-M. D|s-M is about enhancing the marriage where both have a voice and work together to build the foundation for their dynamic TOGETHER (honesty, communication, trust, respect, intimacy). There is also a huge difference between a Dominate man and a domineering man. What you are describing sounds domineering and is in no way Dominate. Unless you AND your husband are willing and ready to learn exactly what 24/7 means and looks like (which is not what you’ve described), this dynamic will not work for you.
Wish I could help more, but that is all for now.
Smooches,
Veruca
Head Ambassador -
https://submrs.com/foundations-domination-submission-married-couples/
https://submrs.com/introduction-to-dominance-and-submission-for-married-couples/
https://submrs.com/domination-and-submission-married-lifestyle-set-up-the-ds-m-arrangement/
https://submrs.com/how-to-begin-ds-m/
Foundations of Domination and submission for Married Couples, D/s-M
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Thank you for pointing me to the right articles 🙂 Now I have something to read today.
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