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Visualize Your Loving Dominant
In my own personal opinion and some experiences, this is what I would want, need, or have been through to create my perfect D/s relationship. I am in no way a professional or trying to persuade or tell people to “live this way or you must do these things.” This piece is strictly about me. It’s about what I feel in my own person relationship. We have a husband/wife, male/female dynamic in our home. Any wording can be changed to fit you if you live differently. Please do not take any of this as disrespect to any other lifestyle. This is just me, and my views as I live each day.
First this Dom is not about control where He is above or more than me, with or through intimidation, but two equal parts doing our best and accepting each other’s qualities. There is no “ruling with an iron fist” persona, whip and chain wielding, demanding and barking orders. It’s never about being so stern he seems distant with no feelings. It’s not about being overbearing, using threats, or belting out at another, but influencing thoughts, desires, needs, and hopes. I need a protector and provider, not a bossy, possessive owner of property. A loving Dom should begin to feel intoxicated by the level of trust from another human being. He should hold his temper, rationalize. Create or bring the transgression to face in a respectable manor. Just is a good person! Be honest. Respect others. Most important to me, is the willingness to learn, grow, and understand. Communicate! I feel self exploration is also very important, to find his likes and to be confident enough to voice them.
Even though we submissives crave the loving dominance by our partners, I feel we really love the control. Not as stated above, but with empathy. I feel I need a true leader. Someone who is willing to overcome their fears, and help me overcome mine. Lead me in a way that pleases you, and I will manage that position. A leader is nothing without a manager and visa versa. I need my Dom to stick to his duties and responsibilities, yet not override the territory he give and needs me to hold. I need to feel safe and cared for. Safe to be able to express myself and my sexuality and emotional needs. I need a Dom with compassion.
A Dom needs to be confident, with themselves most of all. If I had been wiser in my younger years I would have adopted the D/s dynamic early on in our relationship. Having a D/s relationship, seemed like the most loving, understanding, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play, but how was I going to get that? I want it to look and feel natural. At first I tried to push, big mistake. Slow is so much better. Relax and play with it. Bringing male dominance into my home was first on my list to living a better life with my husband. It was about bandaging the wounds from having taken respect, trust, and communication out. In order to do any of the above mentioned, I had to first look in the mirror. I had to change me, my thought process, my views. We had basically tipped the scales. It finally got to where we weren’t working this relationship for us any longer. We had become more like friends who were roommates. Not true soul mate lovers like intended. We didn’t see or realize the roles that each had settled into. We had become blind to the deterioration of our relationship. Bringing male dominance back and then curving it into a D/s relationship had to start with each of us understanding the importance of the man/wife roles. We have to learn to become two equal parts. We have to respect each other and value each masculine/feminine qualities and begin to build that back into our marriage.
Being a loving dominant husband means knowing his strengths. Maybe help her with chores, like the car, trash, and home repairs. Protecting her and providing for her and his family. I love to feel taken care of, even though I know I can take care of myself. Luckily, my husband values supporting our family. I forgot how to appreciate that. Male dominant traits come out with confidence in himself, and the fact that he is able to provide. Who else better to assure him of those attributes that me. Appreciating this added stability to my family and marriage. A man also loves it when his wife still desires him and accepts him for who he is. Nurture him. Greet him after work. Make him #1! Things like preparing meals, comforting the children, and loving him in an intimate way are all ways that I have started to feed not only my husDom, but my submission as well. To me submission is about voluntary grace. Being of service to a man who will protect me, guide me, and cherish me. Be the leader of the relationship, all I had to do was let him. I had to learn that my charm, when tapped into, will do so much more that complaining or “standing up for myself/feelings.”That gentleness and femininity are elixirs for men. Where else do they get to experience those than with a woman/wife/sub.
I adore pleasing him. It is one of my most precious values that I have as a submissive wife. The feeling is above all else. I want him to have power over me that only I can give. It creates a magic ability to submit. Oh the feeling of peace when power is surrendered. I want him to be able to control my mind and body with just one look. To have a quiet intensity, growling commands in my ear, a confident stare and speaking without words. These are all things that I love. Please share how you see yours. Maybe your struggles and successes. I love you hear about others dynamics. How they came about and how far they have come. (((Hugs))) - 6 Replies
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I had to comment on your post today. Liz has been on my site now for several years and I am so happy to see that she has taken all my foundations and put them to work. Every bit of what I teach is in this post and she has come a long way… very proud of her and the work she has done on herself to get what she desires most, a husDOM. Mirroring or taking a good look at yourself is a great way to really find out how much you want this dynamic. If you are not willing to tear yourself down then walk away from this because it ends in hurt for you. We subport here in the community and sometimes that subport may poke you or even offend. None of us like to be told or shown a perspective that may seem hard or impossible. But all energy here is positive, even some tough love. Every submissive tool I mention is in this post, https://submrs.com/submissive-tools/
Liz delt with her need to control, her worst enemy. Not only her issue but many women that come on everyday. Mine even sometimes…. I am working on a new post about this control. I hear everyday, “I am an alpha/dominant woman but I want my subservient husband to be my Dominant, can this work?” Very important question, great post and future chat coming soon. Liz I am hopeful will be attending.
This forum post is a wonderful testament to a hard working soul/sole submissive that took her time and tried again and again until she made herself SELF-AWARE of what she could do to achieve what it was she desired the most D/s-M. Way to go Liz! It is really about what we are willing to work on, fix and communicate to make us better and in process make our marriages the most they could be. Seeing there is a forest, not just the tree.Enjoy the fruit of your labors Liz, D/s-M . HUGS, LK
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LK, this made me cry a little. Thank you so much for your kind words. All of what you stated above is true. I struggled so very much until I was broken. Little did I know that is where I would find my fix. This site is nothing but love and encouragement. It is truthfulness, even if it hurts. I would be half the person I am today if it wasn’t for this site and the wonderful ppl that gravitate to it. LK you and your Sir have created something unimaginable. Something that actually may save life’s and marriages. Your creating life long bonds through all that is D/s-M. What a wonderful place this earth would be if there were more humans as the two of you. Thank you just isn’t enough.
I am a true testimony that if IT is in you, and you take the guidance that is given to you here, you CAN have a magical fantasy of a marriage.
Thank you,
please tell your Sir even though he does know me that I am ever so thankful! Maybe one day my Sir will be active on his site. Fingers crossed! -
Wow. I love this.
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Thank you Sarabi! It has been a long journey for me.
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Dear Liz,
We have chated many time I came upon your post today while searching for something to feed my submission. Thank you. I’m sure I will read and reread this.
Your friend Batty -
His Batty, thank you!!! Swooning over your kind words!!!
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