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The feels after Punishments
Hi! Had some questions about when you first got into this as dealing with being punished. I’m still only about 4 weeks in and today was the first day I was punished for a reaction I had and I’m having a really hard time reconciling the punishment (completed and texted to him he is not physically here) and being left alone and not having communication about it afterwards. Is that part of the punishment as a sub and something that gets easier over time? I feel like if I ask Sir he will be annoyed and disappointed again and I don’t want to do that. Any advice would be super appreciated. Thanks!
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6 Replies
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I think you will find that a lot of us don’t have much in the way of punishments. It really is an individual thing and there is no set way they should happen or what a punishment should be.
It sounds like you and your Sir need to have a big downtime discussion about punishments and expectations. You should always feel comfortable about communicating with your Sir about your punishment or feelings afterward or anything else for that matter.
Communication is one of the major foundations for the D|s-M dynamic. I would encourage you to talk to your Sir about punishments, do they have a place in your dynamic and how you feel about them. You might consider writing everything down so that you have all your thoughts and feels down in one place. I find that makes it easier for me to talk with Sir about something that can be very emotional.
Keep Moving,
Pearl
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Thank you – I very much appreciate having the peer support and will use all of the great advice.
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I will post a few articles regarding punishments. I hope they help you. If you need to talk through this more email me anytime LK@subMrs.com!
https://submrs.com/punishments-within-married-domination-and-submission/
Punishments and Corrections | Married Domination and submission
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Thank you!!
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This is such a good question, but unfortunately I don’t think one that has an easy answer as the other ladies have said. I had a lot of the same questions, and there were a couple of things that were key to us figuring it out. I actually think punishments were a major reason we crashed so badly the first time around with D/S-m, so I was especially anxious to improve on our reboot.
One key was downtime, as has been said. We really needed to both share where we were coming from in this department, and the better (read “more effective”, “more open”, “more frequent”, “more safe”…) downtime gets, the smoother we have been able to work through all sorts of things, including punishments.
The other major for me was letting go of control. This has been a steady theme for me. I thought I wanted D/S, but for a long time there were still strings attached. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing, but it was true – I wanted to be able to choose when to follow and when not to. I wanted to maintain a power position. Punishments challenged me; called me out when I chose not to submit. I guess maybe that’s why Sir felt we needed them, but the key to them working was actually my realizing that’s what I was doing more than the actual punishments (the actual punishments may have even made it worse – given me more reason to want to hold on to some power – hopefully this isn’t getting too circuitous to follow!). The realization of what I was doing and why there was so much friction around it came through reading here, downtime discussions and soul searching. When I finally let go and said I would accept whatever he decided around punishments it was super powerful – it was a major step in my submission and Sir really “dommed up” to find a system that worked for us.
Give yourself and each other grace and have patience – you’ll get it!
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