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Sexy play & body image (baby belly & such)
Hi all, new to this community but loving what I’m reading so far.
my question is, does anyone here struggle with their post-baby body to the point of it being hard to really feel comfortable in sexy lingerie, bondage, etc?
I have many children and had my first very young, starting out very thin (I gained 65 lbs with baby #1) so I have basically had a stretched-out abdomen for over two decades now.
While I’m a good 20-25 lbs heavier than I was in my 20s, in some ways my tummy looks better (naked anyway) as it is now “filled out” whereas when I was very thin, it was very saggy/floppy.
I stay in good physical fitness with strenuous yoga, lots of walking, some running & strength training. I don’t mind the dimples on my thighs and butt; those just feel like a natural effect of being a woman plus some aging (I’m over 40). But I’ve never really gotten over my belly situation, in 20+ years. Clothed it’s fine. Clothes-off I feel like all the lingerie that looks so hot in the photos is just…uhhhhh, not going to work on me. Thinking about going further with bondage is hot until I picture it squishing against all my loose flesh. (By the way my youngest is 11 so this is not a situation that is just going to “recede” in time…this is basically how it is, minus surgery.)
I’ve considered a tummy tuck and that is still mentally on the table, though financially not an option at the moment. But I wonder if anyone else ever struggles with this kind of body image stuff, especially in midlife, and if you’ve found a way for it to NOT get in the way of being completely open sexually?
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3 Replies
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Good morning and welcome to the community!
The simple answer to your questions is that we all have body issues! The remedy is a little more complicated. LK made a great post about seeing your body through your Husdom’s eyes, https://submrs.com/ds-mirror-scene/. It is a great tool.
In my personal experience I had to ask myself, did I really think BayoWolf was lying every time he told me I was beautiful? He is one of the most honest men I have ever known so that wasn’t the case. So the problem had to be with me. One of the things that helped my along the road to really accepting myself, bumps, bulges and all was simply seeing myself on a regular basis with clothes on. So now the very last thing I do in the mornings is get dressed. I walk around naked in our bathroom that has so many mirrors it made me cry at first to see myself. But I kept on. Sir tells me specific things he loves about my body. Slowly I began to accept my flaws as just part of who I am and maybe not flaws at all.
Maybe you can reshape you thinking about your belly. Look at it as a badge of honor. You have given birth to your children and that belly is a reminder of every one of them. It is beautiful and should be celebrated.
Hope this helps
Keep Moving
Pearl
Fitness group leader
Submission| D/s~Married Lifestyle | Mirror Mirror Exercise/Scene
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Thank you Pearl 🙂 I read the post and that does sound like a very helpful tool (as well as terrifying, but I guess facing fears is part of the journey, eh?)
It totally makes sense that the more we see ourselves naked the more we can embrace our bodies…after all you can’t love something you aren’t even used to yet, right?!
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Thinking more on this. Pearl, you mentioned BayoWolf telling you that you are beautiful and that struck a chord because my SO does not really do that. He told me when we first met that he does not give any insincere compliments, so believe me, when he DOES compliment me I take it very much to heart! But still those compliments are few and far between. Objectively I know I am a reasonably attractive person, but it’s one thing to know I’m attractive, and another thing for my love to tell me HE thinks I’m BEAUTIFUL. Or, if I dress up for him or do my hair the way he likes, he will say “you look pretty” but he never says “you ARE pretty.” It seems like a subtle difference, but it’s really pretty huge, right? You ARE _____ indicates that you just ARE that thing all the time while more conditional compliments are transient, I might look pretty today but not tomorrow.
I think this is just not an area of skill with him and I have hinted around before but I haven’t been direct enough with my request/stating this as a real need. (My exH was bad at giving wholesale, unconditional compliments too and I should have been more honest about my needs from the start.) (Also when I was dating post-divorce, every time I had a boyfriend who told me I was hot or beautiful I secretly distrusted him and thought he was lying, even though I actually DO think I’m pretty good looking, so how do we unpack THAT circular thinking, LOL!)
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