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Power Sruggle Within
Inside me an internal power struggle is ensuing between the selfish B I’ve been for 20+ years and the submissive I need want and yearn to be. The battles are two voices screaming in my head.
B: I don’t want a quickie!
Sub: Knock it off you want to please him this is what he wants.
B: I want to be pleasured too!
Sub: STOP! You are being selfish and this isn’t being submissive!
Submissive recited s.o.a.p. over and over again trying to tune out the B’s thoughts.
Ultimately the submissive failed to enjoy the pleasure Sir was having because the selfish B wouldn’t shut the f___ up.
B didn’t win entirely she was more subdued and did not get to throw her normal temper tantrum.
The submissive must be the stronger person. She cannot give up. I am counting on her to win. She has to.
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9 Replies
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I know what you mean Princess. Slowly but surely I am ridding my head of my other voice but it is slow work and I feel continually guilty that it is there at all. More and more I find that if I have had a number of tasks to complete I am in a submissive mindset and think in that way. When I am caught off guard is when I can struggle and that is a work in progress for me.
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So this was a while ago. How’s the inner B voice now? Is it quieter?
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funny you should ask
I have been mostly successful at keeping her in her cage but she tricked me Friday. It was awful but I learned more and Daddy and I talked. I have already seen positive from the experience. -
I’m new to D/s I am going through this now. I want to do what I want to do but I want to make him happy as well. I’m known to need to control everything around me because it makes me feel safe and secure. I know it will get done and now being with master I’m scared of giving up the control it bothers me i try and stamp down the rebellious nature. My master is a good master he understands but it is something I’m fighting with constantly because he wants total control.
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I am new to this and having such internal struggles with control. I was previously very much in control of my whole relationship then met the man of my dreams who i whole heartedly want to give my full self to him. I constantly battle my smart mouth. How do i deal with it?
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Here are some really good posts by LK! I hope they help!
DownTime
Showing Respect to Your Dominant
Bratty Submissive Behavior Beware
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Practice, persistence, and patience
It took a while of just biting my tongue to keep from automatically responding. You must think before speaking and be more careful of your wording. Ultimately time and a lot of self reflection on my part. I want this so I must control my actions and figure out why I respond the way I do. Ask yourself Do I trust him? The answer should be yes or you have other things to work on first.
Some like a smart mouth when it is done PLAYFULLY. You may have to put that on the back burner until he knows and you are only doing it with that intention.
Good luck
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The inner voice has changed a lot.
The voice that responds almost without thinking is offering massages when she knows he’s hurting even though she would prefer playtime.
When there are struggles it’s not so much a selfish B as it is a hurt Babygirl. She is much better at reaching out to Daddy to resolve her hurt. -
Thank you for sharing this. I’m struggling with this and it was helpful to read your experiences.
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