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Hello :)
Hello there!
My name is kayliwen, married to Andoren. We are 42 and 48 years old and have been happily married for 18 years. Never having had the pleasure of children, we have spent our time together focused on each other and are truly soulmates. We’ve always erred on the kinky side, and have had a longstanding interest in bdsm and TPE relationships. We’ve tried both a Dom/sub and later a Master/slave lifestyle at a couple points during our marriage. We both loved the experience and have always felt like those roles fulfill us more than anything.
However, both times we ended up going vanilla again after about a year or two. There was just something missing in how were were going about things that, over time, left Him stressed and overwhelmed, me frustrated, and both of us feeling more disconnected from each other than when we started. At the time, neither of us could put a finger on what had gone wrong, and though he’s asked me several times since if I wanted to give it another go, I’ve maintained that I’m not comfortable doing so until we can figure out where we went wrong and how we can avoid it in the future. Looking back we feel like we dove in too deep too fast, trying to implement the end result from the beginning, without slowly building up our foundation and easing into the lifestyle gradually. (We were just too excited about it!)
About a month ago he brought it up again, and this time I happened to stumble across this community! Finally – something aimed at our demographic! After spending a few hours reading various blogs and articles posted here, I shared it with Andoren and he dove right in on husDOM. With what we have read so far, and everything we hope to learn from those who reside here, we now feel very encouraged that we will be able to transition into the D/s lifestyle in a more successful and sustainable manner – permanently this time!
Thank you for reading,
kay 🙂
- 12 Replies
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Welcome and I am so glad you two found our communities. We definitely have a great support here specifically for married, monogamous couples. I encourage you to check the calendar and join our zoom chats when you can. You can turn off your video and microphone and just observe too. We are all just normal people wanting to make the best of our dynamics. There are so many good articles on the site. The best way to be involved is spend some time on site, in the chat room and discord, read read read, check the calendar and join zoom chats. If you have any questions please ask. Again welcome. I am so glad you are here.
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Thank you! So glad to be here. I’m definitely looking forward to attending the zoom chats when I can.
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Happy you found us…We are kinda a “Society” of sorts!
We really are Mid-life, Married & Monogamous bunch!
THE SYMBOL we have is 3 M’s if you look close… We have about 2 dozen tattooed symbols on our members at this point. ;0)
Looking forward to chatting more!
HUGS!
LK
DON’T forget to attend our new subMrs Live Video Chat later this month!
LK
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Oh that’s interesting about the symbol. Very creative!
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Welcum, @Kayliwen! This IS a GREAT community… specifically because it IS focused on our demographic and the intricacies of all of TTWD within marriage. With my husDom Neo for 29 years, married for 27… and though we’ve been into various shades of kink through the years, we’re newbies to D/s-M, since earlier this year! When it came up with us (it began with my husband), I was hesitant because SO MUCH out there is simply about hooking up in a singles community. Coming across these 2 sites was such a gift; it’s great to have a community of like-minded (and like-hearted) individuals who are coming from the same place. What’s particularly beautiful to me is how we each have such unique dynamics within our relationships and yet many similarities as well. Extract what feels relevant for you, and make it your own!
We all hit walls, bumps, whatever on the course – even in the short time we’ve been doing this, Neo and I have hit a few, and it’s all focused on growth and expansion for us individually and together. We’ve committed to doing this as long as it feeds and grows both of us; and the beauty is WE get to decide what it looks like in our dynamic!
Besides the articles and podcasts, poke around on the postings, and check out all the groups – they ALL have something to offer! I have a particular bias for bondage, and thus am group leader for Bondage Bunnies… come on over! Also make sure you check out Discord regularly; there are some great conversations that go on there!
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“Extract what feels relevant for you…..the beauty is WE get to decide what it looks like in our dynamic!”
This is excellent advice! I feel that has been a big issue for us in the past – trying to mold our lifestyle too closely around what others are doing (as if there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to go about it) vs learning from the example and experience of others and then choosing to only do what feels right for us and making it our own. That mindset will be a huge benefit to us going forward.
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Welcome Kayliwen. I’m so glad you found us. This is an amazing supportive group. The ebb and flow of TTWD is known to all of us. Having subbing around to support and lift you up is what we do. There is lots to read on site, take your time and comment on anything that speaks to you. I look forward to getting to know you on discord and chats.
🤗 Js bunny
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“Ebb and flow” is a good way to look at it. Glad we are not alone!
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A great article about Ebbs & Flows… This is how we refer to you having highs and lows.
https://husdom.com/ds-relationships-ebbs-and-flows/
I warn many new subs to not measure your dynamic with anyone else… You will compare as that is human. But, remember your dynamic is unique and like none-other. We offer the start-up method here on subMrs… but where you take it is up to you and your partner.
https://submrs.com/foundation/
Make sure to come to the new sub live chat. They will go over the steps in the start up and answer any questions you may have!
GO GIRL!
LK
Starting Your Foundation, Wiping the Slate & Climbing the Ladder in a D/s-Married Dynamic
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What a fantastic article! We definitely had a couple of large ebbs that we did not recover from back when (some major medical issues at the time also played into the mix). But this time, being a little older and wiser (hopefully!), we are striving to take things slowly and lay a firm foundation, while enjoying the journey together.
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Hi Kayliwen! I’m SB, 51 and married to MisterF on husDOM for 34 years. We’re so glad to have you here. This is an amazing, subportive community of married, monogamous couples just looking to better ourselves and our marriages thru TTWD. I have been a submissive wife for several years now, but my Sir and I started DsM in April 2021 and it has expanded and strengthened our already strong marriage/relationship. Please reach out if I can be of any assistance to you. Have a beautiful day!!
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Thank you, SB!
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