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Emotions
Hi all,
As I noted in my intro post, I’m a super-newbie. I’ve really only recognized I’m a sub fairly recently (or maybe admitted to myself what had been there for a long time is more correct), and it’s been less than two weeks since I first had a talk with my wife, C, about this. She’s processing, maybe a little curious maybe a little dubious, so it’s not like anything has really changed, except maybe I’m doing things like foot massages etc, that I would have already done anyway, with a different mindset. That said, something happened yesterday that I’m still processing myself.
C just left this morning for business, she’ll be back tomorrow evening. So last night I wanted to take her out to dinner. I got the kids fed and told them to get to bed by 9 as I was going to take mom out and waited for her to get home (she was getting a manicure, part of prep for the business trip). I was literally shaky I was so emotional – nervous, excited. This is really out of character for me. We’ve been married for 10+ years, so it’s not like going to dinner is anything new, but it was like when I was a teen getting excited and nervous about a first date with a girl I was into. Then, when she got home she asked where her dry cleaning was, as she wanted to pack up. Shit! I forgot to get it. Suddenly I went from elated to distraught, I felt so bad for letting her down. She was really pissed, as she had picked those dresses for her trip and now the dry cleaners were closed. She’s gone down in dress size recently and doesn’t have a lot of things yet in the right size. I suggested a couple of things, but that almost made her more angry. I suggested running to the store, as Ann Taylor didn’t close till 9. She said okay, but when we got there she told me I had to go in myself and find something. I texted her a couple of pictures and she told me there was one she liked, so I got it. We got home and she tried the dress on (and looks stunning in it btw) and was in the end happy with how things went. So then I was back to being extremely happy again. Later she apologized to me for getting angry, which made me feel so special and loved.
Anyway, this was such an emotional roller coaster. I’m not sure if I was ready for that or expecting that, but the rush is intoxicating. And note, as I said above, we’re not even really doing anything that looks D/s (yet, hopefully).
Thanks for listening. Not a question, just needed to get this off my chest.
BPS, I love that to send this post I have to click the button that says “submit”. 🙂
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7 Replies
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Bnh69
Thank you for sharing. Our emotions can become very open and raw during this exploration. You are becoming aware of your submission and that is very special and can be at times unsettling. We have open chats or you can private message if you want to chat about how things are going.
I have found that I hate disappointing my Syr so much more than before. I just want to help him and for him to be happy.Hope to chat sometime
I.am.His -
Bnh69, I second what i.am.His said. My desire to please me Sir has multiplied exponentially! I have always had a difficult time feeling comfortable in my own skin, when I became plagued with an autoimmune disease, it was even worse. D/s has helped SO much because when, like today, I’m having a bad day, all it takes is my Sir to say something sympathetic or supportive of my necessary self care to remove my feelings of being useless. Often he even is able to point out things I didn’t notice. Over the phone he noted that my usual difficulty with depth perception is worstened, and complimented my ability to laugh at spilling water on the floor instead of getting it all into the plant’s pot. I feel much better even though there are times that like you, I’m almost mortified that I failed him. I think it’s because of the deeper connection that the D/s relationship creates. Hugs, and welcome! ~Kanna
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Welcum to the community, Bnh69!
I can just feel your excitement with your written words. I can totally relate. My Sir and I are high school sweethearts. We have been on this magical journey of D|s-M for a little over two years now. We both feel like two love-struck teenagers all over again. It sounds like you may possibly experiencing a little “sub-frenzy!”
My advice is to treat this journey as a beautiful walk. Talk it slow and build a solid foundation. Many of us want to jump right in and race to a finish line. If you have not done so already, ask your ma’am for her Formal Acceptance. Be very clear in what you are asking for and gain her agreement. This is a walk you will need to take together and be in lock-step.
There are some great articles available to Premium submissive members. The one I recommend most is “Guiding Your Husband in Domination and submission Married D/s.”
Please cum join us in chat! We’d love to get to know you!
sub-Hugs!
subMarie -
Hi all,
Thank you thank you thank you. I wish I could reach through the internet and give you all a big hug. I’m normally not very expressive, but, as I.am.His said above, my emotions are pretty open and raw right now. C is away tonight and I just can’t wait to pick her up at the train tomorrow.
One question I have – thank you for the links to the articles – they are written from the perspective of sub wife and dominant husband. Are there any differences that come with sub husband and dominant wife? Or do I simply change the pronouns and everything else is the same? I mean I know everyone is unique so each couple’s experience will vary, but I mean are there any general trends for sub husbands that are different from trends for sub wives? I can imagine that there might be differences in the dynamic, because as our society has traditional roles of dominant husband, (this is totally me just musing as a newbie, so feel free to tell me that I don’t know what I’m talking about), sub wife/dominant husband is a deepening of that traditional dynamic, whereas sub husband/domme wife is a bit of an inversion of that. Looking around the internet for sub male stuff, the large majority is definitely NOT written from the perspective of being in an established marital relationship. E.g. I just googled sub-frenzy to learn more based on subMarie’s post, and a lot was warning against the dangers of ending up in a room with a stranger (yikes!), but that’s definitely not where I’m at. Mostly right now I’m just aching to be cuddled and held by C. So you guys are definitely my peeps, as this little corner of the internet seems to be all about long term established relationships that move into D/s.
Much love,
B -
Bnh69,
I would not get hung up on the pronouns. The root of submission is basically the same regardless of gender. Most of the articles will be written from a subMrs perspective but could easily be from a subMr. You are correct in that there does seems to be more communities for submissive women. The majority of submissives on subMrs are female though we do have a few male submissives. Occasionally the conversations may be centered around “female” issues but I would say submission is submission. It does not matter if you are female, male, hetero, bi, or homosexual. All submissives are welcum here. I saw you found the subMr forum. Feel free to post anything from a male submissive perspective there. Perhaps one of our male community members will chime in. It would be great to see the subMr. community grow.
And please stay away from a strangers. LOL! We definitely ONLY promote love, intimacy, and submission with your spouse. I would describe sub-frenzy as the state where you are just absorbing as much information you can find as quickly as you. It is on your mind continuously. Your feelings are exploding. It is kind of like an adrenaline rush. It is like a natural high. Like cupid just poked you in the butt with the arrow of lust and love. As excited as you are, just remember to take in bits and pieces. Do not get overwhelmed and go slow!!! 🙂
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Hi SubMarie,
That’s a definition of sub-frenzy that probably accurately describes where I’m at. An article I read made it sound like jumping in and trying ever sexual practice possible right away, but for me it’s definitely been all about thinking about this and reading everything I can – I’ve probably thought of little else for the past week.
I had been wondering about the female/male ratio around this group. I just posted about prostate cancer in the men’s group, but there’s very little traffic in there. That’s fine, I’m happy to learn from the ladies – let’s face it, the whole thing that brings me here is my desire to learn from one particular lady.
Hugs,
B -
Hi all,
C is concerned for me. She knows I’m a little sub-frenzied, though she doesn’t know the vocabulary for that*. I’ve been highly affectionate these past ten days, getting emotional, wanting lots of physical intimacy (e.g. we’re not usually morning people, but I keep waking up wanting to start things). I’m usually the more steady one in our relationship, and at times she needs me to be the anchor when crazy stuff is going on. Also, she told me she’s wary of big emotional highs and lows, so she doesn’t want to get swept up in a big emotional rush if it ends up crashing down again.
I love that she’s worried about me, but I also don’t want to cause her stress. Trying to take deep breaths.
B
*And I DON’T want to say “oh, it’s totally normal and here’s the term for it”, because if you google sub-frenzy you don’t get the nice definition subMarie gave above – being all excited, devouring information, thinking about being with C all the time. Instead the first google hits are things like warnings against jumping into bed or other actions right away with multiple people you just met.** I don’t want C to think that’s what I’m doing or even wanting – I just want to be with her.
**I read those articles and was like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??? That just sounds nuts and is sooo far from my mindset. But then I remembered my freshman year of college. There were a couple of guys who realized they were away from mom and dad, so they could get drunk every night, and ended up having some real problems with alcohol. I suppose it’s the same here – once those restraints come off, some people have no self restraint and can run into problems. (no bdsm pun intended on “restraints” 🙂 )
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