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How did you ask your husband to be your Dom?
Hi!
I have expressed my interest a few times to my husband who seems to be interested and has started to become more dominant in bed but I feel I need to really approach him properly and let him know that I really mean what I’m saying.I’d be really interested to know how you all approached your husbands and asked them? Are there any good posts on husDOM that you gave to your brand new Dom to give him an idea of what your asking for? Did you get the initial reaction you hoped for?
Thanks!
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8 Replies
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Hi littleb84, I so know where you are coming from. It took me years (literally) to pluck up the courage to ask for what I wanted in our relationship. In the end I wrote a letter saying everything I wanted, that it wasn’t just about sex it was a whole lifestyle change. I hid in another room whilst he read it, I was so nervous but when I went back in he just smiled and hugged me and said ‘lets give it a try’. We have had to work on communication a lot and in the beginning often found it easier to communicate by text and letter than face to face but we are getting better at that now.
As my Sir put it ‘to have a wife that wants to make her husband happy, serve him, love him and be available intimately and sexually is an incredible offer, why would I not want to give it a try’!
We are both enjoying the benefits of this lifestyle. He comes home to a tidy house and a smiling wife who is delighted to see him and greets him with a big kiss and I feel looked after, cherished, and desired.
I have given him lots of reading material before I found SubMrs & HusDom websites. I found an article online called ‘the nice guys guide to BDSM’ which put things in quite a non threatening way which he read. I also bought a copy of ‘screw the roses send me the thorns’ but that was a bit full on in parts and really only about the sexual side of the lifestyle. By far the most helpful has been HusDOM for him. There is an article on there called ‘submissive expectations’ which I saw open on my Sirs ipad, it explains that this isn’t a game for us, it is a real mindset. Its a good place to start.
Good luck with your journey. Warren chat is great for a bit of advice if you have time! KatieBoo xxxx -
Hi KatieBoo,
Thanks so much for your advice, I’ll look up that article. I think I’m getting braver, it’s just getting it through to him that I don’t just want rougher sex and when I say I want him to take complete control i mean it. I guess like the title of that article suggests, it’s turning the nice guy part of his brain off!!
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Here are links to a few posts that might help!
https://submrs.com/how-to-begin-ds-m/
https://submrs.com/bdsm-is-it-right-for-us/
https://submrs.com/foundation/
https://submrs.com/submissive-advise-formal-acceptance-ds-lifestylefsog-lifestyle/
How to Begin D/s-M | Grey Marriage | A FSOG Type of Lifestyle
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Little84,
WELCUME ! For myself I just got it all out in about 2 minutes ….This was how I was feeling , how I want our marriage of 28 years to change directions ! Sir was driving and just about drove off the road with JOY ! We BOTH embraced it and have NEVER looked back . There is only forward for us …there is nothing to go back to .Proud Texas Sub Living Happily Ever After ,
Curvey -
One night I started talking about a fantasy of him coming home and role-playing as a dominating police officer coming to arrest me with handcuffs. He seemed open to it and I felt very excited about the dominating part of that fantasy. So a few days later I brought up the DS relationship and I talked about how we already play these roles naturally in our marriage and that if we bring these roles to awareness then it will help us grow in our marriage. But I think talking about the police officer fantasy was what broke the ice as far as me letting him know I wanted to be dominated by him and I was able to get a feel for how he felt about bringing out that side of him. And I let him sit without for a few days.
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Although the original post is dated a while back I hope you still are interested how others did so or it might be nice for new ladies.
My King and I always had a sort of natural dom/sub dynamic in our relationship. In the past I had talked to him about how I feel feminism used to be a really good thing but how i felt it went too far and imo was emasculating men in general. And not just the men the women lost track of what is feminem and what isn’t. Ofcourse I’m happy we are allowed to vote and be treated (almost) equally in society today. That being said I have added that what I truly meant is that I believe men and women usually don’t have the same qualities and to be the best together it would be best to focus on what you do best. Therefore in our case it would mean that he steps up and takes responsibility for the family in a different way than I do. We talked a lot about masculant and feminem roles and how we believe one is better at some things and how taking control of that would benefit not just us but also our kids.
Well maybe needless to say from those talks the step to D/s-M is not that big. So we extended into talking about rituals that are working for us as we have kids and how some of that have a tad of sexual tension to it aswel. Honestly we haven’t been ‘officially’ doing ttwd for a long time, about 6 months, however it feels really natural. The only thing he really has some issues with due to his upbringing is the correction/discipline area. But I will just let him figure out how he wants to fill that in and will provide feedback in appropriate times.So for me this wasn’t a big thing, for him it wasn’t either. We seem to have in common that we believe society is the main issue in this area. But then again…. whatever you do in your own house that isn’t damaging another person is none of anyone’s business.
Jezz
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Hello,
He was laying in bed reading his phone per usual. I sat next to him and just started explaining things I needed wanted and desired from him. That this is always how I had felt but to embarrassed to express it. He sat his phone down and smiled with out a word he just listened then went back to reading his phone. This was a few weeks ago. Since he has said he likes me to call him sir and has learned how I react to certain things like spankings etc. He has put a whole lot of effort in sexual play going all pro on me as if he was born to be my dom. We have had three play times but he isn’t putting in as much effort everywhere else yet either. I just keep trying to maintain my submissive attention toward him while trying to guide him in to this. I was getting real frustrated and he still hasn’t visited husdom.com which has been adding to my frustration and makes me feel like he doesn’t undrestand how important this is to me how it is so much more than some kinky sex fantasy. I sent the link to the sight yet again last night with a message saying please sir. When I walked in to the room he said get in to the middle of the bed legs crossed I sat in a submissive pose. He noticed and he gave me two hours of playtime for my reward. I asked him to be my dom but he has always been the one incharge so I know I can’t push him faster than he is ready. -
He did send me a text this morning saying he noticed I am happier which makes him happier. My hope is this helps him want to dom up for me in all areas.
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