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Why submission? To save Him, to save us.
Hi everyone – I am new here – been a member for about a week, a voyeur for a month, and had my awakening about being a submissive about four months ago. So happy to have found this community. This is my first post, and I want to share my journey, because I feel like this beginning part of the journey is fast-forwarded in the literature out there, and maybe my post can help someone else.
I have known my Husdom for 30 years and have been married for 8. Long story – another day. We used to have a fabulous sex life, and then we got married. One of us nearly died from an alcohol addiction in our first year of marriage, and here we are, eight years later, healthy, yet celibate. Not what I had planned for my self as a married woman. I have a super high sex drive, and suppressed it while we found our new level in health, sobriety, employment, finances, blah, blah, and blah. You live it, you know it too.
Let’s get to the good part. So, me and my sex drive. A few months ago, I was wrestling with a decision to pursue a divorce because I was so disheartened about my inactive sex life. But WTF – how do you initiate a divorce from someone you love? Someone you have been to hell and back with, but just do not know how to make things better anymore? Circumstances with work lead us to spend a month apart from one another on separate coasts and I began to focus on my self, my sexual health, and my physical appearance. I got a wax for the first time in forever (full-Hollywood), I started masturbating like five times a day (those endorphins are fabulous, why did I ever stop doing that?) and I bought myself some lingerie and a vibrator. I started sleeping in the nude and accepting that no, I am no longer a size 6 (I am now a size 16, when did that happen?) and in general I worked on getting to a place to accept my physical self for who I am. Right now, today.
My fantasies have always been about my Husdom being “the man” in the house, and making me his sex slave/mistress/submissive. I am the high earner, more educated, and have a natural ambition – it is an endless driver – my mind is always working. My husband, is somewhat of a passenger in life. Because he is lazy (his words), and for so long I have created a space for him to be this way. Me. My fault. Totally have to take the blame here. I realized, two things: I truly long to be submissive in my marriage – I am the boss everywhere else; second, submitting myself to my Husdom is in fact going to be the thing that saves him for blowing his life as a celibate, passive, sad, and depressed person. The realization and the rationale became crystal clear to me. But how do you do it? Right? Here I am sleeping in the nude every night next to him and he is in a sweatshirt, sweatpants, socks, and blushes when he sees me. Him initiating a conversation about “hey honey, why are nude around the house all the time?” did not happen. In three months.
In for a penny, in for a pound. Having gone through my first bout of sub-frenzy, and then sub-drop thinking my case was hopeless. And knowing my husband like I do, that telling him to his face I want to be fucked. Often. and hard. Well, that just wasna gonna work. So here is what I did. Knowing verbal communication was too much confrontation for him, I wrote him a letter asking for a leader-follower relationship in our home and letting him know I wanted to be submissive to His dominance. I left it in a gift bag, with a large wooden spoon with a black bow tied around it. And asked him to read it one hour before I got home from work. Maybe I am a mental sadist. That day was the scariest of my life waiting to get home. I either had (a) destroyed my marriage or (b) made the first step in saving it.
Well – the jury is still out. Negatives – he whined that he did not want to be the leader in our home because, direct quote here, “you are so good at it, and I like it this way.” He asked if I wanted to be chained up and whipped (I declined but you ladies know I really wanted it but, time and place for everything right?) and then (first of the Positives here) he told me, for the first time, he doesn’t know why he has no sex drive. That it makes him sad too, and that he doesn’t know how to be better for me, because he loves me, and believes he should make me happy. Two more positives. He has agreed to listen to some Married with a Twist Podcasts (especially the first episode) and, I got my first spanking with the wooden spoon when I got home from work on Friday.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. This is going to take a long time, but I believe if I stay consistent with my drip campaign, who knows, I maybe swinging from the rafters by New Year’s. Send me hopeful thoughts.
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2 Replies
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HELLO loggerskat!I am wishing you the best of luck on this journey! On subMrs I refer to your situation as “The Recliner Husband Syndrome”. You have been in control of your marriage so long ..that you husband has become comfortable with it, actually become submissive to you and in the relationship. It’s easier to let you have control than to fight for it.
After some time, you no longer want a follower, you want a leader.
I would say to bring him into the dynamic equally… Let him read husDOM and you read subMrs and come together and figure out if it’s WHAT YOU BOTH WANT. Take away assumptions… make him a part of this… straight on… This will not work if both of you do not engage in your roles. Let him know you want..no desire to research and give time to do so as well. Then, you are putting him on equal footing… You will need to show submission to become a subMrs… Show him patience and understanding by giving him the place to research….
Again, best of subMrs wishes… and I hope by New Years … you are swinging from those D|s-M chandeliers!
HUGS,
LK
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Welcum to subMrs. Thankyou for sharing your story. Take it slow and try your best to communicate with your husband. Writing him was a good start. Just wondering if he has been to a doctor to get some blood work done as in his testosterone levels. Low T in men can cause a diminishing sex drive. Anyway take it one step at a time and nice and easy. Do a lot of reading here and get on discord and talk to others. There is a lot of subport here for you to work on your own submission. So glad you are here.
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