- January 9, 2019 at 11:17 pm #31548charmedkarma*SA/kumaParticipantPremium subMrs™
So my Sir and I did something that REALLY helped us both a month or two ago and I thought I would share in the hopes that it will help any others that may be struggling. Finding the right words to communicate can be difficult sometimes. Especially if two people communicate in different ways. different love languages etc. But what if it’s not only the words that are getting jumbled? What if the expectations are different too? Instead of realizing that that, the struggle continues to be real to have both people content and HAPPY in the D/s-M life.
So here’s how we fixed that with US:
Disclaimer: Everyone is different and all of our D/s-M lifestyles are tailored to us as individuals too, so what worked for us, may not work for everyone…
We sat down and I asked him, what does D/s-M look like to you? An entire day from wake to sleep. What am I doing? what am I NOT doing? What am I saying and what am I NOT saying? These are important things. How am I acting? What are you doing, saying and not.. (basically vice / versa) I had him really focus, close his eyes, and I asked for detail after detail, down to what I was wearing and how I smelled. After I got those details, I did the same for him… EVERY detail. It was eye opening. We saw different days…how could I make him completely happy and content not knowing those things? I couldn’t. We both assumed our idea of what this looked like, was the same as the others idea. We are married after all, LOLOL. We had MANY things in common, but those small details that meant something to us, were our own.. and each needed to hear them. Let me tell you, this made a BIG difference. I have no complaints since then. That doesn’t mean bumps in the road won’t happen, but it means we are SOO much more connected then we were and been smiling since 😉 Obviously we re-visit this in downtime when we need too, but it only helps and never hurts. You’d think we would have done this in the beginning.. but again, we assumed our ideas were the same. While we were on the both on the same track… we were each missing a few pieces. Hope it helps, happy reading!
- January 9, 2019 at 11:50 pm #31549Staci *AMB/WMizellModeratorPremium subMrs™
Charmedkarma, this is a really FANTASTIC idea! I think we may have to take a shot at something similar. Thank you for sharing!
- January 10, 2019 at 8:41 pm #31550SeaShellParticipantRegistered subMrs™
thank you for the wisdom. Just starting down this path- there are many expectations and part of the fun thus far has been to run ideas (expectations) by each other as we figure out what the expectations to come will be. One thing i have noticed is that we are communicating more, are more relaxed, are taking things slowly, and most importantly – are enjoying our time together. looking forward to the journey. Thank you again for the wisdom to take time out to communicate and explore.
- January 11, 2019 at 5:18 pm #31553Jsbunny/Jay DomParticipantPremium subMrs™
Charmedkarma, I really enjoyed reading this. When your married for so long it feels like you should just know the other person’s perspective. This exercise could be so valuable. I would definitely like to try it. Thank you for sharing
- January 14, 2019 at 5:47 pm #31568Minx/SirOTWParticipantPremium subMrs™
Charmed…. my Sir just asked me this question at our downtime yesterday to think through this week and talk about it next Sunday. My Sir heard about it on HusDom, so thank you and your Sir for sharing. I’m very much looking forward to thinking through this and hearing my Sir’s thoughts on this question later this week!!
- January 14, 2019 at 6:44 pm #31569SirsBeauty/TierParticipantPremium subMrs™
Charmed, this is fantastic! I really love that you dug in deep for the details (like smell). Way to go on improving communication and expectations! I will be mentioning this exercise to Sir later. Thank you.
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