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what if it's just not in him to be a Dom?
Hi, not sure if this is the right forum… looking for either advice or hope or…?
I haven’t been on this site in months. My husband and I were on the verge of separating last summer, but he’s put a lot of effort into being more open, and I agreed to stay and work on our marriage. Part of that was to be trying to create a D/s relationship between us. Our fall was franticly busy. We did play with toys. But he didn’t get around to any research, or work towards understanding/becoming Dominant. I actually tied him up once to try and give him a taste, but he didn’t seem overly submissive either, which I was wondering about. What if power-exchange is just not in him?
Things came to a head again, now that our schedules have eased up. I realized that I had given up hope that he could become what I feel I need. I finally blurted out my frustrations. At least, realizing I’m still serious, he has finally joined HusDom. He’s not much of a reader, so I think he probably needs a mentor or at least to chat with people in a forum for this to work.
He’s so reluctant, so fearful of this, and I don’t want to be some evil woman leading him into something he’ll feel terrible about. He says he doesn’t know where to start. I did agree to come up with some ideas, roleplay scenarios, so I guess I’ll try to do that and set up time for them.
Thanks for listening, I needed to air this out
imp - 2 Replies
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Hi imp. Thanks for sharing. I know the struggle of feeling like your Sir is reluctant or just not moving fast enough. I do think that since he has agreed to join husDom, that it is a good sign and a move in the right direction! Don’t give up hope.
Have you asked for downtime, and expressed your concerns to him in a submissive manner? If not, I would. I would tell him everything you told us here and then ask him if your view of it is correct and if so, why? We can give you all the advise and subport we can, but I have found that ultimately, when it comes to issues like this, it has always been better to get the answers from the source. I had a hard time learning this lesson in the beginning because it was easier to come here and vent, but not really take it to my Sir…when I did start doing that, it was amazing how quickly things seemed to change for the better. That is what downtime is all about…honest communication in downtime has been one of our tools to stay on track (or get back on track if he have a road block). It is my time to express to him ANYTHING I need to, always as the submissive and ALWAYS with respect.Smooches and Good Luck!
Veruca -
Veruca – I love the advice you have given here very much.
imp – sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles, and figure out the right time and place for everything. I do hope that when you sit down with your husband you can make some progress towards understanding what is going on in his head regarding the D/s-m lifestyle – or perhaps it is actually helping him figure out for himself what he thinks. Hang in there.
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