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Weekend Experiment…
Wanted to share an experience I had over the weekend! Btw I joined last week as “midlifeseeker” but just changed my name the other day.
For anyone who missed my intro I am 43, divorced 4 years and in a LTR. Relationship has been going very well and I didn’t really have any reason to HAVE to look into something new…it’s more that the roles we seem to have naturally settled into (particularly in the bedroom, but in other aspects of life too) felt different from my previous relationships and seemed to spark a need I didn’t know I had. I went searching for information to show me what on earth these feelings and desires are I’m dealing with 😄 and wound up running into SubMrs. And here I am!
As I mentioned, our earliest physical encounters took on a D/s undertone from the beginning and we’ve always done a lot of sexy talking and storytelling between visits. We both have our kids 50% of the time on a schedule that is similar enough that we get one long weekend together every other week and then only one night together on the opposite week. We get our kids together pretty often and see each other when we can otherwise, but our opportunities to dive deep and play IRL are limited.
So last week leading up to our long weekend, our conversations started getting more pointed. I told him I’d been doing a lot of reading about monogamous D/s and what that could look like, and he seemed intrigued to learn more. For a while we have had a ritual (I guess I don’t say “rule” because this was offered on my side, not requested on his, and we never agreed to it mutually) that I always ask him permission to masturbate and orgasm when we are not together. Usually after a little teasing he grants permission…but last week he denied it day after day and began giving me other little assignments that had me on edge all week (I’m amazed I even managed to work or get the dishes done, frankly!)
By Friday things were getting very interesting. From the time my eyes opened in the morning I was ordered to text him and he had me on a specific timeline of activities and rules including how I was to dress all weekend, what I was to do when I got to his house (not say a word to him, put all my things away in his room, then strip down my lower half and lie on his living room rug.) He also asked me sign a paper stating that I would give over complete control to him for the weekend, and if I broke a rule, I would accept his punishment. !!!!!!
So, obviously I was in quite an agitated state when I arrived at his house – very excited and frankly a little nervous but I trust him so I knew it would be OK. Friday was incredible. We really took on more of a M/s dynamic that day – I asked his permission before I did literally anything and he was in complete control. We went out for dinner with friends that night and it was challenging to keep those roles while hiding the outward expression of them. One little example, the server was waiting to take my order and he wasn’t paying attention and it was my turn so I just went ahead and ordered myself a filet. Later he sternly reminded me that I was supposed to let him order for me and he was planning to order me the ribeye. I got a good spanking for that one 😜
So, Friday night was amazing. I don’t think either of us slept much at all. We woke up Saturday morning and picked right back up where we left off. Then by Saturday afternoon, things seemed to just kind of trail off. He wasn’t feeling great that afternoon/evening so we did a lot of lying around. I waited on him whenever possible but he wasn’t demanding it so I was a little unsure of how to behave. Sunday was full of “have to do” things – church, he needed to snowblow and grocery shop, I had work to catch up on, etc.
Last night (Sunday) we played for a couple of hours, and I spent quite a lot of time on my knees 😆 but it was definitely more like we normally are – “vanilla with a twist” – and not the dynamic we’d had Friday. We had especially cuddly nights both Saturday and Sunday which was nice after all that intensity. This morning I had thought maybe he might demand one last BJ as the “contract” didn’t end until 8 AM, but he just kissed me on the forehead and left for work. I was disappointed for a second but honestly I was so exhausted after the weekend that I was glad to have another hour of sleep, lol.
So – here are some takeaways from the experience:
-At some point Saturday night I started feeling disappointed that I had been set up for this crazy weekend that was starting to feel as though it was fizzling. I took a nice long bath and thought through those feelings. Here’s what I came to: as Sir, it was up to HIM how the weekend played out, not me. In my expecting him to do things just the way I wanted, I was in a way usurping his role and undermining his judgment. Also, he didn’t feel well, lol, and had that been me he would absolutely have made allowances and given me a pass.
-On the other hand, the missing element to all this was clear communication ahead of time of what the weekend might look like. I think I was anxious to hold up my end of the bargain and not let him down, and on Friday, when I was playing at being his slave, it was very clear what that role entailed. You could almost say that Friday into Saturday morning was one long scene, only without a clear beginning and end – and I wasn’t in on the choreography. Once we shifted away from that dynamic (without discussion), I’m not sure either of us knew exactly what to do.
-This of course just illustrates the D/s-M method emphasis on communicating! On Friday when things started going in this direction I kind of had a feeling there might be some moments of confusion. But I didn’t want to step on his toes since he was so enthusiastic and seemed to want to take control. I just don’t think he thought the plan all the way through – or maybe he had certain intentions, but just found that after all that buildup and so much intensity for the first 24 hours, he needed to shift gears.
-The upshot: while the idea of a whole weekend of D/s play sounds amazing, I’m not sure it was realistic or sustainable right now with all the other things we both have going on in our lives and the fact that we are early enough in our relationship that we also want to spend time just being together and talking. But I’m glad we tried it because I think we learned a lot about each other and our tolerances. I know that Sir needs a lot of downtime between draining activities (too much socializing, multitasking, etc) and my guess is that he’s learned this is another kind of thing he has to have fully-recharged batteries to do the way he wants. I tend to be someone who will completely exhaust and deplete myself and only later realize that I should have paced myself, so in this case, him slowing things down was really taking care of me, too.
-That said, I REALLY enjoyed Friday and if all we had shot for was one day and had a clear beginning, middle, and end with expectations all laid out ahead of time, I think that would have been more than satisfying.
-It’s definitely time for us to have a real conversation about “what this is” for us – whether it’s something fun we do in the bedroom, or moving in the lifestyle direction. Right now I feel fine keeping it in the bedroom and using that as practice for all the foundations. We probably won’t have a chance to have an in-depth conversation until sometime NEXT week but I will point him toward HusDOM in the meantime. My guess is we will chill on it for a while as he ponders and prays and I will have to be very patient – not exactly my strongest suit but I’ll do my best.
Whew, sorry so long – again!
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