This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Veruca MOD/Mr. Cain 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #29568
     SubHolly 
    Participant

    I am 44 years old. We have been together for 23 years married 6 in May. We are very new to putting this in action. I read The Beauty Trilogy years ago and have had fantasies of being Dominated. It took some serious tragedy in my life and a long separation. My Mom passed away, the funeral was in my home town. I live on the west coast family in the Midwest. Two days before the funeral I broke my foot and was unable to go home for two months. Longest separation we had in 20 some years. I know now that I do not want to waste any time settling. My amazing Sir is learning, excited, fighting his sweet nature, embracing his power and we have been closer since I told him what I wanted. The thing is he is sick and I work. I am in education and always the strong decision making leader. I think this will help him to feel better about his role in our relationship as the Dom and help me to shed some of the stress from always being the one in charge. I know this is a long topic and I am so new I need all the information I can get.

    How does this work when family are around? I am a very strong independent woman, if my attitude/actions towards my Husband change people will notice.

    What about in public?

    How do other Ds/M couples handle this?

    Right now it is just sex play, we want to learn and evolve.

  • #29569
     Lady 
    Participant

    Premium subMrs™

    Hi SubHolly, I am lady. I have been with my Sir for 18 years, it will be 19 this October. I would like to say Welcome, and this is a place where you can certainly learn from other subs. I joined last year and have received some good advice.

    Regarding your post, I too work in a environment that i take control of most everything. I have always been one to take control in most situations in every avenue of my life. Our D/s relationship has been in the bedroom for most of our relationship and over the past year or so it started to makes its way out of the bedroom and into our daily life. When we first started exploring the relation ship more, it was challenging to know how to act around friends and family. I struggled with knowing when and how to act as Sir submissive.I read the post Showing Respect to your Dominate, and that really did help. I think that respecting your Dominate is the most important.

    My Sir and I have always had fun banter back and fourth, picking on each other. And at first I thought “I cant do that now, that would make me a bad sub”. I really didn’t know how to act. I talked with my Sir, and told him how I felt, wanting to be his submissive in all ways. He said something to me that really made me think. ” Lady, you may be my submissive but you are also my wife. I love the fun we have together. You can still show me that I am you Dominate in little ways that only you and I know about” So we started with small things, like when i get to work i text him and let him know that I am safe. When I text him, I always start it with Sir. When we are around family and friends, we act as we have most of our lives together. But when he grabs my hand and pulls me aside, he will call me his lady and make a request of me (Usually something that is done when we get home) and i reply Yes Sir. Then we go back to what we were doing. Other little things that he does, he always opens doors for me, he orders me my drink when we go out.

    I make sure to tell him what a wonderful man he is in all ways. When he tells me about his day, i listen making sure to keep my phone away and look at him. These little things can amount to so much. When it comes time for me to be obedient and submit to him in all ways, we have two ways of signaling this. The first is a phrase he will say “Are you going to be a good Lady?” or he will get one my chokers and put it on me. Both are followed by some instruction from him.

    Our relationship is still growing and we are both learning. I hope that some of this helps. Again welcome.

  • #29570
     SubHolly 
    Participant

    Thank you this does help. I always text him when I get to work, about a year ago I was in a car totaling accident. I think adding sir would be a good thing.

  • #29572
     Staci *AMB/WMizell 
    Moderator

    Premium subMrs™

    Hi SubHolly!

    The more you get to know all of the other subs, the more you will realize that there are many strong, independent, professional women in this community. I am only submissive to my Dominant; in every other situation I am in control.

    In public, he is still in charge. I show him respect and deference, but that does not mean that I suddenly become meek or shy. Here’s an analogy: He is the President, and I am the Vice President. I have considerable power, and he is the only one with authority over me.

    I’m frequently in the chat if you want to talk about this more.

    HUGS!
    Staci

  • #29586
     Veruca MOD/Mr. Cain 
    Moderator

    Premium subMrs™

    Hello and welcome to submrs! We are glad you are here! There is a lot of information between the blogs and forums that I think will be beneficial in your quest for knowledge! At the top right side of your screen, you should see “Search subMrs”…utilize that to search any topic you are interested in and it will pull up all the blog posts and forum discussions that address that topic. I will not tell you how to do the things you’ve asked about, but I will tell you what my Sir and I do…I am a very strong, independent woman, but like Staci said, I submit to my Sir and his authority willingly. We have an analogy as well…Sir calls me his lioness (I am fierce but respect his authority and dominance), lol. Being strong and independent does not mean I don’t have the ability to submit, it just means that I only submit to HIM and when it comes to everything else, I use my strength to accomplish the things I need to for us as a family.

    How does this work when family are around? I am a very strong independent woman, if my attitude/actions towards my Husband change people will notice.

    People most definitely noticed when we changed our dynamic…it wasn’t so much that he was in charge (because he always has been), rather the power struggle was gone between us. An outward showing of mutual respect was very evident. I addressed him as Sir and responded with, “yes, Sir” or “no, Sir” when he asked me a question or to get him something. They also noticed that he was not calling me by my given name, but “V”. I am sure that they noticed much, much more but those were the two main things. We had a few discussions about how to answer questions if they were asked and Sir was adamant that I simply respond by saying as little as possible, but conveying that I liked calling him Sir, having him order my food, etc…and that our relationship was stronger than ever.

    What about in public?

    Showing our dynamic in public is the MOST FUN! I love being in public and following our protocol…the looks were funny at first, but I have grown to appreciate that most people just don’t understand the level of respect that Sir and I show each other. I am proud of the dynamic that we have and welcome the looks because I know that they are seeing something that is wonderful! And who knows…maybe it will spark a desire in someone else!

    How do other Ds/M couples handle this?

    If you are talking about the many aspects of D/s-M…Sir and I handle it day by day and always together. We learn every day from others and from each other. It is impossible for us to know how we are going to handle every little situation that may come up, so we don’t try to, we figure things out as they come along…lol! D/s-M for us is an extension and enhancement to our marriage, not a replacement.

    I hope to see you soon in the chat rooms!

    Smooches,
    V

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