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Sub-drop or Insanity
I think almost everyone here knows I’ve been working through marital issues, personal issues, and trying to introduce D/s to my somewhat reluctant Husband. But lately, I have literally felt as though I’m on an emotional rollercoaster.
I have great days, where I’m not only focused on my submission and marriage, but enjoying all parts of life. I recently had a Bus. trip in Colo. Springs and was practically running at 110% the entire trip. I finished reading a book that I honestly believe has helped me understand more about my marriage than I thought possible, and came home feeling on top of the world.
While my welcome home wasn’t stellar (primarily because I always try to pack too much into a weekend), Sunday night ended with a two hour conversation and cuddle session where I really felt like I was getting somewhere. I believed, through yesterday, that my Husband was finally starting to understand me and himself.
Last night, we had amazing play/sex. But after, he rolled away, and I felt that sucking sadness pulling at me. I thanked him for the evening but told him how it makes me feel when he just turns over and goes to sleep. He said he was hoping for a back rub, which I gladly gave, until he fell asleep.
It seems like the nights that the sex is really amazing, where I have many o’s and totally lose my mind, those nights, unless I fall right to sleep, I almost instantly drop from euphoric to depressed bag of tears, laying next to a sleeping sir.
I’m not sure what to do. It almost makes me not want those amazing play sessions.
Is this sub-drop? Or am I just bi-polar…
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12 Replies
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Wow. Mel, I feel like I’m in no position to give advice on this. But I definitely don’t think you are bipolar and I think you may be in a sub drop but with your Sir’s hesitance, I think that makes the sub drop feel more depressing for you.
I may be way off the mark with that, especially since I have not been doing ttwd very long. But I hope that helps in some way.
Btw, I follow your blog and love it, and I hope you get everything you desire in this lifestyle. Keep your head up lady!
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Mel,
Sub-drop absolutely!
There is no test that you can give someone to identify sub-drop. It can materialize from many different scenarios and it’s effects can vary considerably.
Aftercare!
You are in need of adequate aftercare… You are not bi-polar…
This sensation that you are experiencing may leave you with thoughts and emotions that you have difficulty comprehending and this is most likely due to the high levels of hormones and other chemicals that are racing through your body and your mind right after play. The more intense the play becomes along with the more intense orgasms, the more intense the sub-drop.
While Dominants are often physically exhausted after play they rarely suffer from any type of psychological sub-drop.
Your Dominant should be rubbing your back until you fall asleep… Cleaning you… Stroking your hair… Telling how well you have done… How much you have pleased him…
With kindest regards,
Mr Fox
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Mel, Mr. Fox is right! You are not bipolar! Even in the vanilla world…women need touch (comfort) after sex right? When the kink is ramped up, the highs are super high…you do need aftercare. My advice is to tell him. Because it won’t get better until he knows exactly what is happening…exactly how you’re feeling, and what triggers it. It doesn’t have to be some huge gesture, simply covering you up if you’re cold, and pulling you close, stroking your hair…general cuddling ; ) You need a connection afterwards to help you not drop. Go tell him! Big hugs…we’re all here for you!
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I will tell him. I wasn’t sure it was possible to have sub-drop, but what GOF said makes total sense. It is much more pronounced/extreme after skyrocketing orgasms. I’m not sure how to explain it to him, though. I’m afraid this will seem like just one more thing he has to work at. Why oh why must I be so needy…
Thank you, Belle, Mr. Fox, and Cailin. I’ll let you know how things progress.
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You’re very welcome Mel.
I think everyone hit it right on the nose. Sometimes, I think being needy comes with the territory around here and you deserve the sweet aftercare!
♥♥
Belle
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I know that needy feeling Mel! My Sir and I have talked about it quite a bit. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Its a big insecurity I have…and I’ve told him that too. He assures me that its okay, that he loves me and my neediess. And my needing him is important to feeding his Dom too!
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I wish I was confident that my Sir felt that way. I often think he resents how much effort he has to put into our relationship these days. More talking… Too bad relationships don’t create an instant neural link so that your partner was always aware of and understood what you were thinking and feeling. But, I guess there would be flaws with that too.
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POL…..
I can’t say it any better than my Sir and everyone else….
I’m sending you hugs and warm thoughts. Has your Sir read about aftercare? Maybe read him some info online or my Sir has posted on it as well.
Formally asking him for the lifestyle lets him know that he will have those responsibilities…. Email me if you need some direction on asking..
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100% in agreement with Mr. Fox. I need my Sir to hold me and stroke my body after a long scene or intense play. It is entirely different feeling than his warm up touching, more of a “landing”. I cannot talk afterwards to ask for this, so I’ve had to talk to him afterwards. Since My Sir doesn’t experience this drop, it took some time for him to realize how important it was to me. You are in sensory overload in sub space, and just like you need your Sir to take you up, you need him to bring you back down safely. I hope this helps!
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Mel,
What is your blog? I’d like to follow you. You hit right on so many of my feelings and fears. I, too, have a reluctant husband and feel like I’m too much trouble. I’m afraid I’m not worth the effort it takes to be Dominant. He already has so many responsibilities. What do I do if he just doesn’t put forth the effort? Go back to being a miserable vanilla nag?
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PushingOurLimits.WordPress.com
I am struggling with all of that. I get tons of great advice, but the biggest thing I will tell you is make sure he understands that it’s important.
Check out my blog, but I’ll warn you in advance, I’ve got way more going on than D/s reluctance. . .
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So that’s what it’s called.. I have experienced sub-drop several times now. Thanks for all the advice here, I have read it out to Mr P in the hopes that this will help us understand more of what’s happening to me on this journey.
Mr Fox, your explanation is great and very helpful. Makes me realize that what I am going through is a common reaction and I like that this website gives me answers to questions I hadn’t even thought of yet!
Mel, Thank you for bringing this up, I follow your blog and hope that the answers and advice here give you hope to keep going, to keep trying.. Sending you warm hugs from a sunny part of the world.
littlej
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