This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Veruca MOD/Mr. Cain 7 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #31187

    Registered subMrs™

    My husband and I have been married for 6 years this past May and just this past summer came to realize that a D/s relationship was very fitting for us. My husband came into our relationship more aware of his sexual desires whereas I was as vanilla as one could possibly be. While we played around and he introduced me to some kink, D/s was never discussed or even implied. This new dynamic just fell into our lap and we ran with it. For the majority of our marriage, our sex life was pathetic. At one point I had said to him, meaning every word, that I would be happiest if I never had to have sex again. My husband, a very sexual man, was not very pleased. Since we’ve come into our new roles, my Sir is thriving and I’m happier both in and out of the bedroom than I have ever been. I’m not saying that it’s been an easy transition but I’m in awe of how naturally we’ve morphed into this new lifestyle. It goes beyond bedroom play for us, it’s how I live my life. I am Sirs submissive when I’m at home, when I’m at work, when I’m grocery shopping. These morals, values and ideals are what have been lacking and now that they’re being implemented in our everyday lives I feel stronger in our marriage, in our life that we share. With that being said, I’ve recently noticed an issue that Sir is having a problem with. It seems that when we are faced with a problem not relevant to our relationship, For example; money stress or disobedient kids (we have two, 11 and 14, which are mine from a previous relationship), my Sir is quick to lose his patience and the overexert himself into his Dominant role with me. I feel like he possibly feels like he doesn’t have control over one situation, so he’s going to “over control” another. Which in return puts a lot of extra stress on me. I’m at a loss because I’m trying to balance the household and then balance Sirs need to throw himself even more so into our D/s relationship. I feel like it’s setting me up for failure as his submissive because I’m being pulled in so many other directions when these issues arise. Thank you for taking the time to read my rather long post and I look forward to hearing any and all advice anyone has to share with me!

  • #31189

    Premium subMrs™

    I would suggest you do a couple of things to enable the two of you to work through this.

    1. Journal. You need to write down specific situations where you feel this is happening. Be very specific. Write about how you feel in the moment. Then let you HusDom read what you have written.

    2. DownTime. After you have written in your journal and your HusDom has read what you have written schedule a downtime to talk about it. You must stay calm and focused while taking about it. Don’t accuse just discuss. And then try to come up with some strategies to deal with the issue(s).

  • #31190
     Sweets/MrB P.A. 

    Premium subMrs™

    My suggestion is as Pearl stated. Journal and most important use Downtime to discuss.

    Is your sir on HusDOM? He can reach out the thenother Doms for suggestions or help with the balance also.

    You both need to find the balance in your dynamic.. when he feels the pressure he needs to step back a few minutes regroup before he attempts to dominate you.. domineering and dominated is a fine line… talking about how your feeling in downtime
    Will help you both remember your roles!

    Vanilla life can really try our patience so we need to remember to step back and breathe!

    Thanks for reaching out💕

  • #31200

    Registered subMrs™

    Thanks for all the advice! While we haven’t implemented the “Downtime” laid out on this site, we do talk very openly and discuss these issues, including what I wrote above. Between the helpful feed back I’ve received so far and even just writing my thoughts down on the subject helped me immensely. Yes, my Sir is on HusDom, I can’t even tell you how much he’s gaining from being a part of that community.

  • #31205
     Veruca MOD/Mr. Cain 

    Premium subMrs™

    Totally agreeing with what Pearl and Sweets have already said. Journaling and Downtime. I think you will find that downtime is much different than normal discussion and does wonders for your mindset because it is all about the ritual and roles of Dom and sub during the discussion…it feels different and really feeds both Dom and sub.
    Good luck and hope to see you around soon!

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