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Reflections, Realizations & Refocus
We are coming up on our 1-year D|s-M anniversary in July and I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year. What does our marriage look like as compared to what it looked like a year ago? What are some things that I still need to work on? Have I been putting my all into making sure that I feed the circle or have I been selfishly enjoying all of the benefits of D|s while just skating by? In thinking about all of this I have learned some things (good and bad.)
1. Our marriage is so much better than it was a year ago. I’m honestly not even sure if there would be anything left of our relationship if we hadn’t started this lifestyle.
2. I still need to work on showing respect to my Sir even when I am in a bad mood, don’t agree with him or think that I have a better answer
3. I don’t think I have been putting my all into feeding the circle. I do feel like I struggle with keeping my mouth shut and with being respectful. I speak to quickly and still occasionally pop off with some mouthy comment. I use my Sir’s reluctance to punish me as a way to get around actually doing what I’m told to do when I don’t feel like it.
4. I need to focus more on my submission rather than on his Dominance.
In coming to these realizations, I’ve been reading back over LK’s blogs and one in particular caught my eye. You can read the full blog here: https://submrs.com/showing-respect-to-your-dominant-domination-and-submission-marriage/
This blog has so much information, not only for new Subbies but for anyone! Respect is something that was lacking in our marriage before D|s-M and probably the thing that is most needed to feed our Sir’s Dominance and keep the D|s fire burning. How can I expect my Sir to be the kind of Dominant that I want him to be if I’m not the kind of Submissive that nourishes his desire? Being a Dominant, is a tough job and being my Dominant is probably tougher than most. As a submissive, I only have one responsibility really, just to do what I’m told. Seems simple, but it’s a struggle at times. It’s super easy to do what I’m told when it’s fun or when I’m in a good mood or when it is something I agree with but if I’m cranky or it’s something I don’t like or I have a different opinion of the “right” way to do something, then I struggle. In the blog post, LK talks about a “Forms of Topping” and I know that I have been guilty of several of them. So, my focus for the second year of our D|s-M is to build on all of the amazing things that have been happening in our marriage, commit to showing my Sir respect through my words and actions and to give my all to make sure that my Sir knows that I cherish his Dominance. Wish my luck! TTFN 🙂Showing Respect to Your Dominant | Domination and submission Marriage
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4 Replies
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Hisgirl,
In some ways I cannot believe it has already been a year since you joined the site. I feel as though you are a dear friend that I have just known for years and years. Being on this site and involved in the community gives me and really everyone a glimpse into watching D/s relationships learn, growth, blossom, and deepen. We all start out new and in sub-frenzy. How many talks and chats did you have that reminded you to “be patient as this is not a marathon?” Yep, I am pretty sure I am close to that number. I think about how your tears of frustration have become tears of pride and accomplishment. I hope you and your Sir have a wonderful celebration planned for hitting the 1 year mark. It is a great opportunity to reflect back together and share with each other the goals you will both work on for the upcoming year.
I can’t wait to meet you and your Sir in August!
sub-Hugs,
subMarie -
Marie, I feel the same way about you. The subport and guidance that I have received on subMrs are invaluable. I truly believe that my Sir and would not have come this far without all if you! August cannot come soon enough!
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Thank you for linking that article, Hisgirl. It coincided with another podcast I’ve been listening to (which I can’t mention) about the same thing: Respect. I thought I was a respectful wife, compared to some other wives around me–whoa, the stories I could tell! But I just realize that there is SO MUCH more I can do. I recently started journaling all the ways I try to control or disrespect my Captain and it has been eye-opening. Giving unsolicited advice, fem-splaining, teasing, subtly pushing my ideas. Yikes!
The first step is just being aware, writing it down so that it’s staring me right in the face. And with that knowledge and awareness to make changes for the better. Thanks for bringing this up. It is really helping to reinforce this ongoing theme of respect in my life.
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subcherry,
Thank you for responding. Writing things down is such a good idea! I know I get busy and am pretty forgetful. I think this would be a great way to help me stay on track! Awesome idea 🙂
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