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Ramblings of a single submissive
There is no doubt that the ramblings that will follow here, are more for my own sake than for anyone else. But hopefully we can all learn from each other, whether we be happily married, happily single, or in my case, not so happily single. I simply find venting easier in writing, and it offers me the chance to re-read and re-think things as I go along.
I had a Sir. Or so I thought. One I met online. I have always been careful with online dating, and had to fend off a couple of domineers over the years. Usually these are easily spotted, as their vile personalities shine through. This guy was different. Unlike anything I had ever come across. And I let my guard down for him. He taught me about D/s, and I quickly realised that this was the missing piece. Tracing back, I could clearly see that this was what I had been waiting for. I never understood why vanilla guys didn’t cut it with me.
Sadly it turned out that the person I thought was a proper Dom, wasn’t. I discovered I had been lied to, and I was discarded with the blink of an eye when I called him out on it. D/s, vanilla, whatever, I had been invested emotionally, and this was an enormous blow to my already low self-esteem and huge trust issues. Issues that we had been working on making better together, and then having them ripped apart again by the very same person. We never met, and I’m not sure he ever intended to meet me.
It has left me feeling rather humiliated and pathetic. Humiliated over the fact that I got fooled again, and pathetic because I hear the voices from my past, confirming to me that nobody wants me. When it comes to relationships, I have practically no experience, despite my age. Yet I’m a hard working professional, outgoing, and have only improved looks wise with age (like a good wine that lost a couple of dress sizes and developed a better sense of style!). I have all of that going for me. But there is still a lot of ugly on the inside, and that makes me an easy target. Because as tough as I am in the work place (even had a colleague tell me once after a few beers that “You’ve got balls!”…), as naive I am in my personal relationships. My past should have left me cynical, but the little girl inside of me still believes in the best in people. And she keeps having to pay for that belief.
But as much as I despise him for abandoning me, I owe it to him that he helped me find the real me. And so I can’t stop this, just because I’m on my own. Now comes the task of finding out how to navigate the dating scene as a newly found submissive. I have already had a girls night out since becoming a loner, and although the array of men present at the bar was vast, I saw only one that I found mildly interesting. I’ve started observing behaviour in a different way, and all of the sudden the hot guys are not so hot at all!
I read your stories, hear about them when we chat, and I envy you. Having someone to grow and learn with, to love and submit to. I read the stories on husDom, and they make me cry, wondering if anyone will ever speak of me in the way that they speak of you. But for now I have to grow on my own, and make sure I don’t lose sight of what it is I want. The pool of eligeble men has just become a lot smaller, but I’d prefer to think of it as myself having become more focused. And I need to keep that focus, to get to Him. To that one man who will put His collar around my neck and proudly show me off to the world as His pet.
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9 Replies
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Nameless,
My name is mr flint and I am jinx’s dom. I am sorry to hear you were lied to and cheated out of the happiness we all deserve and strive for…however…this only goes to show that there are bad apples in every orchard, hidden worms in every apple, you just have to keep taking bites to find the juciest, sweetest, ripest apple in the orchard, the one with that little hint of sharpness we all love to taste. Yes, the amount of “right men” have dropped but your expectations have increased. I will finish by saying that no one with your attitude determination strive and sense of humour is “ugly inside” you are an apple tree condensed into a seed, small rough unnurtured waiting for the right person to plant you, feed and water you, care for you as only, a dom can. Your day will come where you sprout and reach for the sun! Good luck on your journey and welcome to d/s
(Sorry about all the apple metaphors)
mr flint and jinx-
hi nameless,
i am a very similar situation, so i understand how you are feeling. at times i feel frustrated…i wasn’t fulfilled within my vanilla relationships, and then i wasn’t fulfilled within my very first D/s relationship either. it’s hard being single and submissive. there is that need to grow, to expand, to experience…but for me at least, i am overwhelmed at how i find that, lost really. i’ve only been here a short time, but everyone here is very welcoming, and they give me hope, even when they struggle themselves. if you would ever like to chat, i am always here to listen.
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Thank you, Mr Flint, for your reply. And thank you Jinx for letting Him write it. No need to be sorry for the metaphors. I use those quite a lot myself. It’s a good way of describing something that everyone can relate to, yet experience in different ways. It’s the first time I’ve “spoken” to another Dom, and I very much appreciate hearing this from a Dom too. His apple certainly had a nasty worm inside it, but until I got to the worm, the apple was very sweet and juicy. I’ve never tasted an apple like that, which is probably why I haven’t run away screaming. Bad apples are all over the place. It’s firstly about finding out what type of apples you like, and then keep trying until you find that one right apple, no worms, no rot. I have found my type of apple now. So far so good.
I’m just grateful that I found this forum before I discovered the truth about him. Otherwise it would have been extremely lonely and scary too. Here no one passes judgement. Hopefully at some point I’ll get to bring a new member to husDom and put what I am learning in to good use.
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I read this yesterday morning, then came upon this….
The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.
Bob MarleyYou’ve been on my mind. People come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. Think of this person as a reason. He helped you find the missing link. Gave you a bit of a nudge into further knowing yourself. Don’t let his cowardly ways negatively impact you. That hurts you. Forgive and appreciate what you have to take away from that experience. That relationship. And build in this part of yourself as you move forward finding your D/s partner.
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Thank you Coral. That is such a true statement. I have come across a few of those guys, unfortunately. But I do learn a little bit every time. I’d prefer just to go straight to happy ever after, off course! But all you can do with a bad situation, is to learn from it. Seems I just have a lot more to learn from this one than previous ones. And well, “meeting” him brought me to all you wonderful subs! 🙂
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Hi nameless,
I’m so very sorry for what you are going through. I will say that it took a great deal of personal strength to write so beautifully about your struggle to find your true self (and a Dom.) I think in every relationship, be it vanilla or D/s, we open ourselves up to being hurt by the idiots and posers. It’s hard to date and know the correct questions to ask – then when you add in the kink, it’s a bit dicier. Of course, if you “have the balls” to find out about any local BDSM clubs in your area, most of them would welcome a single educated woman to their monthly “munches” or get-togethers. Those are the lunches, dinners or parties prior to play parties whereby people get to know one another with no pressure to play whatsoever.
I myself have never been to one, but I have heard they are great to meet those people who are into D/s in your area. If you live in a big city and don’t mind driving, there may be several. It would be best to hook up with other D/s women in your area to see who is trustworthy and who is NOT as far as the single men go! You can Google BDSM clubs (your city) and see what comes up. Or fetlife.com may have links for your area.
It seems to me… (knowing myself,) that you should move very slowly. Don’t jump into anything even if a guy seems like Prince Charming. You don’t want to risk your self-esteem again. Anything you try should be baby steps, not giant leaps and bounds. That’s kind of what my Master and I have found. Anytime he tries to rush me, or plows ahead, it makes for great unhappiness and fear.
Wishing you all the best as you find your way in submissiveness.
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hi nameless,
i am a very similar situation, so i understand how you are feeling. at times i feel frustrated…i wasn’t fulfilled within my vanilla relationships, and then i wasn’t fulfilled within my very first D/s relationship either. it’s hard being single and submissive. there is that need to grow, to expand, to experience…but for me at least, i am overwhelmed at how i find that, lost really. i’ve only been here a short time, but everyone here is very welcoming, and they give me hope, even when they struggle themselves. if you would ever like to chat, i am always here to listen.
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Hi nameless,
I am sorry to hear that you had met a horrible person. Don’t worry about being a single submissive. In fact be happy that you are a single submissive. You found this place which is great for all submissive, single or attached. It gives you time to learn about yourself and grow. I myself am a single submissive and quite happy here to talk and learn and grow as I find my own dom.
I do hope you get to find the dom must suited to you. -
So much wonderful sub-port in here. It’s priceless!
As far as rushing it goes, I have no intention of getting back to online dating or to meetups just yet. Discovering D/s is a whole new ball game, and I think I need a better understanding of what it is I want in a man, before going out to meet them. I’m already finding it amusing how differently I look at men. I never went for the same men as my friends, but even within the limited group I was looking at before, I have now started mentally discarding within that small group. Hopefully diminishing my options means I’ll be closer to the right one.
As much as I want everyone to have a special someone, it’s nice to see other singles on here now. Be able to share the single ramblings 🙂
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