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Not what it used to be
I have some huge concerns about recent play times with Sir. I was hoping that someone else maybe with more experience has had the same and can tell me how they worked through it.
First you should know that we have been married 19 years and have been D/s for about a year now. I have always had great clitoral orgasms with Sir’s expert oral skills and since we purchased a wand have had squirting orgasms. I have never been able to orgasm through penetration alone which doesn’t really bother me or Sir.
Lately, over the last month or so, play time and orgasms are just not what they used to be. Sometimes orgasms are just elusive even with the wand. My brain wants to be into it but sometimes my body just isn’t. The desire is there but it seems nothing that happens in a scene/play session ever gets me going like it used to. It’s not just the orgasm it’s everything! Nothing is as exciting as before. Bondage, spanking, etc, nothing get my juices flowing!
Of course over the course of the last year my pain tolerance has increased and Sir has pushed my limits and certain things that used to be a soft limit is now okay. Could it be that I just now require even more? That really worries me because at what point is more not needed?
I’ve brought up my concerns to Sir and he has noticed the change in my responses. He thinks I am putting too much pressure on myself to orgasm and squirt and that I am trying too hard. He says I need to relax more during play. I even told Sir last night that maybe we needed to take a break from scenes and play time for a while and just go back to vanilla. He is willing to but neither he nor I really want to do that.
Another thought is age. I am 44. For some women that is menopause age but I still have regular periods and have a family history of very late menopause. My mom was close to 60. I don’t have hot flashes or any of the other signs of menopause.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to get the juices flowing again?
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8 Replies
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Have you added or changed any medication?
Also, I have experienced what your Sir suggested, wanting it so much that I can only get so near but not all the way there. My Sir has told me to enjoy the journey, enjoy the play, if I orgasm great and if not I still had a fun pleasurable time.
And switching things up as Moning Glory suggested is worth a try.
Good luck!
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I agree with Beth while the O is SOOOOO desired and can be frustrating if not achieved it shouldn’t be the measure on how good a time you had. Not that you are judging on that but if you put less pressure on yourself it might allow you to relax enough to get there.
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As far as the wand goes I have found that I actually have a hard time with it lately. I have been using the Sensuelle bullet more frequently. It has various speeds and rhythms so there is a change.
Change things up try something different and don’t worry because you are probably psyching yourself out. -
Great share …..I think this happens the many couples. ….us ….included! For sure, you mind can control your body …I believe my shares….
Ooo no never go vanillia ….that’s not a flavor. Lol
Do try just snuggles, loves…..agree no matter what. How much you beg no oooo. For a bit. That helped me lotsMedicine stress real world for me are ooooo killers
Reading or watching porn is fun
Yessss you can be going thru change of life. I never had a hot flash ….visit your dr. The can do blood work to tell…..mmmmm might have low level estrogen ….I think getting a check can never hurt….
Maybe write a Dear Sir letter ……send a Sir your hottest wildest play wish …….I’m still wanting fathom of the opera. Ahhhhhh
I understand the flustration…..I bet it will pass ❤️❤️
Hearts, Cs
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Hello dolce
Yes we did experience the same changes and that is the magic word, changing things. You may want to use a different toy but the more important thing is don’t put yourself under pressure. This lifestyle is so fucking, excuse my language additictive, that sometimes your are in a more, higher, longer twister.
Sometimes it is better to be in second gear, slow down What I really want to say enjoy the ride, even without an O it is worth it.
Another suggestions , go somewhere unfamiliar, get out if it is outside, Master tied to a tree and gave me a good spanking, I was so scared but excited as well.
Hugs bugs
Kinkerbell -
Thank you all for the advice! Sorry I have been silent for the last few months but I had the flu, then was so busy at work, then went on a family vacation, and now I’m getting over a respiratory infection!!! Now Sir is sick and I am taking care of him!
Things are so much better in the play and orgasm department!! Sir and I put away the magic wand and took a break from heavy impact play for about month and that seemed to have helped. We have brought both back into play time more and more recently and I am wanting even more impact play than before! I told Sir that I was fine not having orgasms when we play but he so enjoys watching and making me cum that he wouldn’t hear of that.
We have found some other things that have gotten things fresh and new again. I’ve discovered my exhibitionist side and model for Sir while he takes pictures!!! He likes to take photos during our play times as well. I love it! We also attended our first public event as D/s couple, a vendor fair at a local spanking party and we are contemplating attending a local meeting for people in alternative lifestyles. It will be nice to meet some people with common interests as family and friends are all vanilla!-
So sorry to hear of your recent illnesses, but glad you are on the mend. We understand life happens and can occupy your time. Please give well wishes to your Sir for a speedy recovery.
I’m so happy to hear that thing are going well again for you and I hope you and your Sir can keep things fun and fresh. I hope you meet some nice alternative lifestyle people in your area with whom you can become friends. Good luck!
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This was soooo helpful as I feel I was going through changes and putting too much pressure on having O. Changing it up and slowing it down sounds like a plan! Thank you!
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