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Need to get it out.
Those ebbs and flows… I wasn’t expected how I would feel when it happened. His trip came and went. I was not the most well behaved while he was away, which we discussed in depth.
He came home exhausted, and went straight into another workweek that is off his normal schedule.
I’m PMSing so I mostly feel worthless. Definitely not the same as before he left.
But that makes sense. That intensity isn’t sustainable. We’ve talked and he has expressed his exhaustion. He has asserted himself in small ways. So the anxiety riddled part of me that says maybe he doesn’t want to do this anymore, I know is wrong.
I also know my tone with him has floundered, they way we’ve interacted in general, and so he’s pulled back.
I’ve resolved to give him some time to rest. To let him take initiative, but otherwise to stay patient and remember that our D/s is beyond the bedroom and not always exciting. That I can take over some tasks at home and with the kids that will feed both of us.
Most importantly that. That I feed him. Testing him is just bullheaded and doesn’t serve our dynamic. When I’m alone I’m going to find some time to kneel.
Then I am going to compose a journal entry, and in a few days I will send it. I will explain what I feel is missing in this dynamic, and ask what he needs from me to feed his Dom.
Patience and realistic expectations are not things I’m known for having, but they are important for any relationship.
He went from not being able to get enough of me, and me and him, and real life got in the way. And that’s okay. -
4 Replies
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It’s ok to feel this way, but learning to deal with it is important.
He’s always the Dominant but he may not be actively directing, depending on real life issues. You can certainly use your judgment to act in ways that will show him that you continue to serve him and his house while he rests and recovers.
I’ve found that acting out does not get me what I want (attention), so I try not to do it (although I was famous for it in the past).
It’s not just realistic expectations and patience you need- you need experience with what this feels like when he’s either away or occupied with other things. Learning how to cope without his direct leadership can be very difficult, especially if you haven’t talked about HIS expectations.
hugs and good luck
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Kitten,
We’ve all been there at one time or another…and for me, multiple times! Here are some links to the posts that helped me the most when these times came along! I found that as long as I was committed to my submission and that Sir was committed to his Dominance, they never last very long at all (even though it call feel like it does).Smooches,
Verucahttps://submrs.com/phases-of-dominance-submission/
https://submrs.com/bdsm-ds-married-lifestylesubmisson-being-fed-from-the-circle-power-exchanges/
https://submrs.com/ds-married-couples/
D/s- Married Couples | Interacting as Dominant and Submissive
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Thank you for the information, guys. I’m learning that some aspects and emotions aren’t sustainable all of the time, and I am paying attention to the smaller shifts in our dynamic and how he responds to them.
I will take a peek through the links.
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Read through the links…they were great, revitalizing! It’s hard to keep the dynamic going with little ones in the house and the regular, everyday duties taking over…I had some time with my sir yesterday and I feel so much better!!! I loved the article about feeding each other…Seems it’s easier said than done but I am working on it ❣ Kitten, thanks for starting this!
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