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Lessons from the eye of the storm…
It has been a week since our lives returned to semi-normal following Hurricane Harvey. When we first started hearing about the storm headed our way, we knew that our kids would be with the other side of their family for the weekend, so Sir was excited to be cooped up in the house, alone with his sub for a few days. It did not turn out to be a lazy snugglefest.
We had 6 incredibly stressful days, including some time that we were truly terrified, followed by frustrated and uncomfortable, and finally wrapping up with emotionally exhausted. You can probably guess that it was not a conducive environment for a passionate scene, but that was lost on me at the time.
After the dust settled and we finally had Downtime, some fairly important insights emerged:
1. When I feel insecure, I crave Sir’s dominance of me even more. During our first two days of confinement, I knelt at his feet a couple of times, and did not get the results I was hoping for.
2. When I was not able to manipulate Sir into behaving the way I thought he should, I decided to journal about it. As is our protocol, I moved my journal to his side of the bed to signal him that there was a new entry. That way, he can read and reflect upon the entries and respond when he is ready. The journal stayed there for 4 days, unread. I felt he was slipping into vanilla mode by not holding up his end of the journaling bargain. I took the journal back to my side of the bed, in a pouty attempt to make my point.
3. On day 5, I pitched a fit about his neglect of my needs. This was not wise, and not even a little bit submissive.
4. In Downtime (3 days after the storm passed), Sir explained to me that part of his dominant responsibilities are protecting me and our family. During the hurricane, he was completely focused on my survival, not my satisfaction. He also pointed out that “Not right now.” is a completely legitimate response from a Dom to his sub.
5. He promised that in the future, he will try to give me a little bit more physical dominance when he knows that I need his control to feel secure. However, he said that the passive-aggressive nonsense will not be tolerated and that I can expect consequences every time I attempt emotional manipulation.I don’t know if anyone will be able to relate to any of that, but writing down the lessons I learned helped me see that it wasn’t my Dom slipping into vanilla mode, it was me.
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6 Replies
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Staci – Very interesting look at this stressful time~ Thanks so much for sharing!
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Wow Staci! Very insightful! Thanks for sharing. I have found that it is hard for me as well when uncontrollable “vanilla” situations happen. I want the D/s to stay fully and not recognizing that sometimes my Sir taking care of the vanilla is in it’s own way another way of him showing his Dom…it’s just not the sexy attentive Dom I want at the time, lol! Kudos to you for seeing and making it a wonderful learning experience!
Smooches,
V -
I just now read this, and certainly agree with you (in your comment on the other post today) that we have a lot in common. 🙂
I can see very good reasons for the modes you both were in at that time, and why things happened as they did. I am quite sure I’d have behaved very much like you did, and I’d bet that Sir would have been focused on many of the same things yours was during that time.
I too crave more Dominance when I’m feeling insecure/vulnerable. And if I didn’t get it, I would have struggled with it very much like you did, I am sure. I just hope that I would learn from it, and take away from the experience, the lessons that you learned… and grow from it like you did. I love the way that your Sir handled it, including DT, as well.
Thank you for sharing this! -
Thank you so much for sharing!I’m so glad that you and your Sir are ok. I too crave my Sir’s dominance during stressful times. Sometimes he complies and sometimes he doesn’t. It all makes so much sense now! Thanks for sharing this insight!
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Staci, we have had a similar experience during the storms of life. Figuratively and literally (we are in So. Fl and just got hit by Irma). I realized through Sir’s help that while he is the Dominant at all times, he also relies on me to be by normal strong ‘self’ that he married so many years ago. He can’t focus on my “needs” as a submissive when basic survival may be what is on the forefront. It was a good lesson and discussion for us. Now when we hit another one of those storms, he generally tells me what he needs from me ahead of time and then when we get through the other side, he will tell how much he appreciated my strength and then we will schedule a scene to help us both de-stress!
I hope your home is recovered from the storm. we used to live there and love your city! Has been in our prayers for on-going recovery.
Hugs,
Bliss -
Hi, Staci. Thank you for sharing what you learned during Harvey. I understand your reaction. We are in the Houston area, and were hit by Harvey, too. When things spin out of control for me, I want to lean even closer into my protection in the storm. I think it is natural. I, too, tend to try passive aggressive when I am not getting the response that I am looking for. I am learning to open up and clearly ask for what I need…even if it sounds like absolute insanity to my own ears. LOL I like your journal idea…switching from his side to yours is a great system. I may see if my Sir wants to use that communication method, as well.
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