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Keeping the sub mindset…dominate me please!
While away on vacation this week, Sir and I ended up in a discussion regarding my request for him to help manage my diet. We have a very open / honest relationship. We were discussing how him managing this area for me was working, or in this case not working great. I slipped and made the comment that I was feeling annoyed with some of it. This was not meant to be an expression of annoyance with him or disrespectful, however, it was obviously a vanilla statement that rightly offended him. I proceeded to attempt to defend the statement and the whole conversation devolved into pure vanilla.
Sir stepped away from the situation after expressing to me that my choice of words was inappropriate to think. He approached me a few minutes later to begin the ‘what do you want?’ discussion. We have struggled in this area in the past. A slip-up happens and rather than either of us calling for high protocol downtime we end up discussing something important face to face, like a vanilla couple, even if our words and actions in effort are remaining within our D/s dynamic.
When it comes to disagreement or argument, speaking face to face tends to ignite my vanilla confrontational self. I immediately feel challenged and defensive. Maybe it is from so many years of vanilla fights with him.
We worked through this issue after a lot of talking and practicing our daily rituals on a more high protocol level; both our mindsets and our dynamic was restored.
During downtime the following day, Sir was discussing how the situation was handled, what he thought he and I did correctly and what he thought both of our misgivings were in attempting to resolve it. With some distance and thought regarding the situation, I revealed to him that what I needed, in that moment, was a harsh reset. I had lost my submissive mindset and needed a quick reset. I had no desire to end our D/s and never expressed such. I expressed to him during that downtime that yes the /s holds the power to end it all (the D has this power too in my opinion). If I ever decided to end our dynamic it would be with those words, not with accidental non-submissive actions. In that moment, I made a vanilla statement and I needed him to assert dominance over me and force me back into the proper mindset, rather than approaching me with a non-dominant discussion about what I personally wanted.
The example I gave of how he could have handled it differently, I wish he would have taken me into the bedroom, forced me to kneel, spoken to me in a harsh manner to let me know that he is still my Dominant and he did not feel my choice of words were appropriate. I think him expecting an act of submission such as taking him in my mouth or him expecting me to please him without me getting pleasure would have been appropriate. In that moment I NEEDED his dominance; physical, mental, and vocal. I needed to be fed to reset my mind and get me back in my proper sub mindset.
How do you reset when slips happen? How does your Sir help you get and stay in your sub mindset in moments like these? - 1 Reply
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I was asking a question similar to this today and went searching through the forum and found your post. The example that you gave and what you said you needed from your Dom is a a great answer to what I was looking for. I have been wondering how other couples handle fights or arguments.
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