Just starting out..

[liebchen]

Hi RedHeadChick! I’m new to this too, but since the memory of asking my Sir to go down this road with me is pretty recent, I hope my experience can help you…we started TTWD about 5 months ago. That day, I got my first spanking. I had mouthed off (I know all about that bratty submissive thing you speak of), and my Sir told me to go bend over our bed and pull my pants down. I remember staring at him, and my mouth went dry. The fantasy just got real, if you know what I mean! I did as he said, and got 10 swats that day, followed by a quick, hard fucking and a very memorable orgasm on my part. That day was a revelation, for both of us. What led up to that day? Well, it didn’t happen all at once…I had begun sharing articles and blog posts I found online; we even read some BDSM erotica together, and discussed the relationships of the characters. It was pretty gradual, but after that first spanking, things were definitely different. We are obviously still growing and learning together; it is a day-by-day process for us, but it’s so exciting to see positive changes in our relationship. Have you tried sharing some of LK’s blog posts, or things you read on this site with your Sir? As for the bratty thing, I don’t think you have to change anything about your personality – I can relate, since I love to play and joke too. But I try to give Sir the respect he deserves, and if I don’t, I know I’m risking a punishment (he now likes orgasm denial, since I obviously enjoy a good spanking, hahaha!) D/s can definitely fit your life; it doesn’t have to be super serious, trust me! Have fun with it! Also, your Sir fell in love with your personality as it is; what has changed for us is our way of relating. He is the captain of the ship now, and has the final word. Best of luck! I know how determined we redheads can be, so I’m sure you will be just fine 😉

[cslim]

Following thread for advice, just starting out too <3

[shelleymk]

I’m new too!

[kat321]

Well I think you are in the right spot since you’re new. I think that the best thing you can do is explore this website, read A LOT. But be careful with where you get your information from. Read the blogs from this site, the one one titled, “Showing respect to your Dom” is a great one for what you’re describing I think. lol and yes there is such a thing as a bratty submissive. But a bratty submissive is usually just an inexperienced submissive, maybe not always, thats just what I’ve seen.

[littlenaviah]

I am new too. We have been playing around with it off and on for months. We seem to be very clumsy at all of this. It seems like he just wants to pay the game from time to time but doesn’t want to put the real effort into it being our way of life. I think the problem is more me though. I am a very strong personality, a real take charge and get it all done, no nonsense person. He is a pilot and gone 1/2 of every month, so he relies on me to be the one who can get it all done and make our life work, even while he is away. The “skype sex” is fun, but when he is home I just want more. I have dropped all the hints but he doesn’t seem to take me serious. He jumps in and out of the role and it confuses me. Any advice for the new girl?

[Veruca]

Hi littlenaviah! So glad you are here, at submrs!
I hope I can help you a little bit…not sure how much, but I’ll try.
When my Sir and I first started out (we’ve been D/s for 14 months now), I experienced similar feelings…wanting more, but feeling like Sir wasn’t really taking his role seriously unless we were having sex. It was a little (ok, a lot) frustrating for me and it also hurt my feelings a bit because I wanted this so badly. One day, I was venting my frustration to our wonderful LK on chat and she asked me a question: “How bad do you want this?” I told her I wanted it terribly bad and that is when she gave me some of the best advice yet….I have to totally paraphrase because I don’t have a copy of that actual conversation but she basically told me to: Stop worrying about what my Sir is or is NOT doing. Read, learn and focus on MY side of things (being his submissive) and stop trying to control how fast or slow he is becoming my Dom. It will come when it is supposed to and my actions need to speak just as loudly my words…I had to SHOW him how badly I wanted this and that I was serious and this isn’t a phase.
It was a huge light bulb moment for me…and guess what? Sir noticed!

I also think EVERYONE feels at least a little bit clumsy in the beginning (I know I did! lol), it’s just a part of the learning process 😉 and we can’t be too hard on ourselves OR our Sir’s for stumbling around. It takes time to see what fits and how things will work in your dynamic (every dynamic is unique).

With your Sir being gone a lot, I can imagine it feels harder to get things going, but if you haven’t already, check out this blog post from LK about Rules and Rituals, especially the part where she explains her passing the torch ritual when her Sir leaves and when he comes home, it might help you with that part of things.

Oh yeah…and make sure that you are honestly communicating with your Sir about how you are feeling, our Sir’s cannot read our minds and we shouldn’t expect them to. If we desire or need something, we should always respectfully take it to him during downtime and honestly communicate it.
Honesty, Communication, Trust, Respect and Love are the foundation that LK teaches us and it works!
Smooches,
Veruca