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First time using the safe word
So this evening I was called over to His house because he was feeling like he needed to relieve some frustrations he had built up over the week. It began as it usually always does, with me bending in front of him at his request and sliding down my pants to expose my ass ready for a spank. Today felt different. He was so much more aggressive than he ever has been. I love doing as I am told, and he has never had a defiant word from me the entire time we’ve known each other. But today felt like he was actually angry with me for something that had happened during the week. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back sharply and slapped me when I tried to kiss him. He usually always lets me kiss him during our encounters. When we were in the bedroom he did a few of the usual things he does, like fisting me, but this time much harder and more aggressively. We had discussed a safe word a long time ago and he had never done anything that made me need or even want to use it because the pain was always followed by a tender touch that would make it all better again.
He continued to force his fist inside me, my breathing come in hard and fast and my cries in pain making no difference to his pace or force, they seemed to do the opposite. Until finally I couldn’t handle it anymore and I screamed out my word. It wasn’t until I had said my word that I realised I was crying. He slid his hand out of me and simply said “take your time” before leaving the room. I sat on the bed for a minute or two sobbing silently until he came back in and began to lightly touch my back. He didn’t ask me if I was ready again he just told me to lie on my back. So I did as I was told like I always do.
After we had finished our session he watched me put my clothes on in silence and then ushered me to the door. I wanted to ask him to lie down with me and just hug for a little while but I was in a state of shock about being pushed to my limit. As I am sitting here writing this my eyes are welling up again and I am feeling lonely and confused. He didn’t take the time to make sure I was actually ok before I left. As it is the first time I had used the word I really need some reassurance and some comfort but I am alone at my laptop and crying. He closed his door on me when he was finished and I had to leave.
I didn’t realise how much I needed aftercare until I was pushed so far beyond my boundaries. I have been his sub for over two years now and I have never felt more used. I do project a very headstrong and confident personality when in public or social settings, and I am very resilient when it comes to our play and the mind games. Perhaps he thinks I am ok? I’m not.
How do I tell my Sir that I need him to be caring and affectionate after such an ordeal? I’m so lost and confused.
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1 Reply
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Hi misschef, I realize it has been a few days but I wanted to check in to see how you are doing. It is difficult to give solid advice when we do not understand the dynamic of your relationship. You mentioned you have been together for two+ years. Are you monogamous? Planning to get married? Or is this strictly a M/s relationship?
If you have not already done so, we usually recommend implementing Downtime. Here is a link with some information: https://submrs.com/downtime/. It is really important to talk about what happened. Was he angry or was this a scene? It is critical you share your feelings and if this is something you would agree to in the future. Please join us any time on the daily chat. You can get a diverse perspective and opinions. Oftentimes someone has been in a similar situation.
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