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…..Feeling Lost…..
My first forum post and I was really hoping that it would be for cheerier discussion….
I am feeling lost. So much has happened in the last week and I almost feel like what progress we have made has been wiped and we are going to have to start all over. As most of the girls know Sir (babygirls-Sir) has been working roughly 116 hours a week for the last couple of weeks. Though this has been hard on our fairly new D/s dynamic I was always aware of his dominance whether it was through texts or email while he was at work, and he made sure I knew he is my Sir at home :). Things have not changed between us as far as both of us wanting D/s but the situation in the home has changed temporarily which has pretty much put everything to a halt.
Last week my step son, Sir’s son came to visit (not voluntarily, also the situation here is very complicated and not all that great…long story for another time) and our D/s is pretty much nonexistent now. It is to the point that I have actually caught myself multiple times reverting back to the old bitchy snippy Angie and I hate it. I actually hung up on Sir today and I wanted to cry when I realized what I did but I had both kids in the car. My nightly rituals are pretty much nonexistent because they cannot be done in front of my step son and that doesn’t help my mindset at all. Every night after my rituals I sit at Sir’s feet…. the couch is not my place…I don’t want to sit on the couch. I feel like I am just being selfish, and maybe that’s what it is but my sub is STARVING. I don’t feel like myself. What is going to happen for the next week or however long it takes for his mother to decide she wants him back. Am I going to have to relearn my place? I need to get out of my own head.
When we have played with SS here I’m having a very hard time having an orgasm I think mainly out of fear of getting caught. This happened yesterday morning, a good quickie before Sir and I both left for work. He was not happy and I did not know how to explain myself to him. He did not believe me when I told him I was afraid of getting caught.
I just do not feel like myself. I feel lost….I feel vanilla…. AND I HATE IT. Any tips from anyone is appreciated even if its just to tell me to suck it the hell up and get over it, because I’m thinking maybe that’s what I need.
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We are not that experienced in our D/s and we do not have step children so my two cents may not be all that helpful. With that disclaimer out of the way this is what I think. Schedule a downtime asap and discuss options for a new evening ritual for you that does feed your starving sub and that you CAN do around your step son. You don’t give details of your current rituals or how old your step son is so I don’t know if any specific ideas I have will be applicable. You could freshen up just before he comes home and change into fresh clothes that are pleasing to him. You could still sit at his feet and not the couch but both you and your Sir have an explanation that kids can understand. “I am more comfortable on the floor” would not be a lie 🙂 Maybe you could do things in the bedroom or bathroom for your Sir to appreciate like fold down the bed in preparation for bedtime, lay out his clothes for the next day, arrange his toothbrush, razor, etc in the bathroom for his easy use.
I have started journaling and my Sir reads it every day that I write. Sometimes there are points to discuss but mostly it gives him insight to my mind and what I’m thinking. If this is something that works for you then you could journal and leave it on his pillow for him to read when he gets home or right before bed.
This is certainly a very challenging season of your life. Babysteps. Talk with your Sir. It very well may be that you both will mostly be doing little things to feed your starving sub. In feeding your sub you will also be feeding his Dom and I’m sure he’s hungry too!
with a submissive’s heart
~FG-
Thanks for the input flowergarden it is appreciated. My step son is 15 (major issues and extremely nosey). All of your suggestions were excellent but sadly I do all of those already aside…I even put his underwear and undershirt in the bathroom for him and pack his bags when he goes on his 36-48 hour shifts. I do keep a journal and Sir reads it either if I leave it out or sometimes I give it to him to take to work. I think I just need a good spanking, that will keep me mindful. Nothing like a sore ass for a couple of days to make you remember who is boss 🙂 I must find a quiet way to get my ass reddened. 🙂
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Wow -I’ve lived through this, you are not in a fun place at all! My 15 year old nephew was basically kicked out & came to live with Sir & I for 2 years. We don’t have kids….needless to say, a BIG change for us! Add to that the fact that Sir works out of town and is only home on weekends & it was a recipe for misery.
We weren’t officially living the D/s lifestyle at that time. But thinking back, the ONLY way I could have made it through as Sir’s sub would have been to ask for downtime in the car, away from The Kid. I would have explained my need & asked Sir to make my caring for The Kid part of his daily chores for me. Then I would have (respectfully) requested Sir to redden my ass right there in the car.
The car thing…yeah, we had to resort to having sex in the car to get away from prying eyes & ears. Thankfully our driveway was long, away from The Kid’s room, and The Kid was totally unaware because we’d first plug him in to a video game in his room. Eventually Sir bought The Kid earplugs, explained that adults have needs, that we loved him but he had to either wear the ear plugs or go ride his bike for an hour. Thankfully, this grossed The Kid out enough that he stopped snooping & took the hint when Sir said “isn’t time for you to take a bike ride?” Be clear & open with your Sir now, before the old bitchy side comes back to do too much damage to your new D/s. Hang in there…
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