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D/s-M… full stop.
Sir and I began our D/s journey around Christmas last year, and it has been one amazing learning experience. The openness and honesty required for this dynamic has really bonded us, and made us a bit more fearless in experimenting with new things. To that end, we have gone to several munches and classes, and this weekend we attended our first play party. We enjoyed meeting and talking to other people in a welcoming atmosphere, and it led to an interesting discussion the next day.
I wholeheartedly believe in the philosophy of YKINMYBYKIOIK (Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is okay.) Since we have started exploring, we have encountered so MANY different types of kink, some with subgroups and categories that we had never heard of, let alone thought about. And that is wonderful. Whatever makes you happy.
The thing is, I feel like there is some pressure from the lifestyle community to pick a label (or several) and then behave and dress accordingly. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a sexual submissive and my husband loves having control over me as a Dominant. I crave the rituals of submission and Sir flourishes in the role of alpha male. BUT WHAT IF THAT’S IT FOR US? Am I somehow less legit in the D/s world if I don’t see myself as a little or a pet? Is my husband less of a Dom because he wants me powerless, but once he gets me there he doesn’t want to inflict real pain on me? If we want to learn from others, but we only want to touch each other?
I assert that our D/s-M is just as honest and exciting as relationships that have more extreme bells and whistles. YKINMKBYKIOK, even if my kink is not that kinky. 😉
Staci
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You and your Sir get to define your own D/s-M. You don’t need a label. If it works for the two of you, it’s nobody else’s business what you call yourselves. Love this post! ((Hugs))
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Absolutely! We have a D/s-M because we choose to. That means it is our’s and nobody can (or should) tell you that you are doing it wrong. One of the earliest lessons I learned was that our D/s-M is not going to be defined by what anyone else thinks it should look like.
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Staci
So I have a fee thoughts. So if I’m all over place I’m sorry.
First I have run into different versions of the oh you don’t this or that; than that just means your not kinky, your not a sub, your not whatever it is they say. In each case I have found these are usually people whom don’t understand the dynamics or D/s at all. They are only looking at the kinkery fuckery part. In fact they also don’t think of their partner at all and it’s all about them and that’s it. It’s sad really. As they are the ones losing out and clueless they are stuck out in the cold.
Our D/s is really quiet. It’s not loud. I’m not falling to my knees to kiss Sirs feet. We don’t do high protocols. And that’s fine. It’s also fine for those whom have a much more louder style than us may that be protocols or the way the sub directed to speak such as only referring to them selfs in the third person or not at all in public.What is sad for those whom are clueless is they are missing out. They are missing out as instead of learning about another dynamic and possibly enriching their own dynamics, they are just making assumptions. We all know the saying about assuming things. I do truly believe no matter how kinky one D/s couple is others can learn something from them. This might be as simple as communication (well that is not always simple but in using that for the example) to the more elaborate rituals or rules. How these affect the dynamic and the individuals in the dynamic and finally how it affects the couple.
So don’t let those poopy faces bring you down or make you feel any less of your D/s as your not and nor is your dynamic or your submission or his dominance for that matter. -
I get it girl! That is one reason my Sir doesn’t want to start going to munches and such. I have found that regardless of what some out in the kink community might say, they can have an unjust opinion about how kinky you are based on how you define your kinks. I am not saying by any means this is everyone, everywhere in the community, but I’ve had my own experiences that left me with that taste in my mouth. I am sure that there are very good groups out there, I think you just might have to find one that fits you and your Sir…find the right energy.
D/s and D/s-M is special to you no matter if you do not label yourself as anything other than a submissive. You do you and don’t worry what others think. I personally don’t resonate with being a little, a princess, a pet…that doesn’t make me any less submissive no matter what anyone else thinks…on the flip side anyone who does identify as any of those is great, but it doesn’t make them any more a submissive even if they may be a little more kinky than me, lol! That’s the great thing about all of this…we are all submissives with very different tastes and kinks and THAT is what makes having kinky friends fun! OH THE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE!
Now, I LOVE mine and Sir’s kinky fuckery. I LOVE it when we have an impact scene and my ass is black and blue by the end, but that is separate from how we have built our D/s-M. I recognize that being a submissive and being kinky do not always go hand in hand with TTWD…you can be kinky and not be a Dominate or submissive and on the flip side, you can be a Dominate or submissive without being all that kinky.Smooches,
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This is a great post. Especially because identity is such a personal thing. No one can tell another person what should be their identity because it’s a powerful thing that is made up of personal memory, experience, feeling, religion, culture, gender, sexuality, and personality. I’m happy to identify as a monogamous sub who happens to be a little and enjoys plenty of kink. That’s just me, though. I am me and everyone else should be free to identify according to who they are. I am equally as happy for any one of my subbie friends who identify however they like, because that’s them. Peace comes through embracing that. You are you and that is not only ok, but wonderful and special! We are all different and that’s what makes D/s-M so beautiful, because it can be whatever we make it.
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I love this post and the responses to it. I have seen two or three people in chat express the same types of experiences when meeting with groups in public that have similar lifestyles. (Some not so similar, it turned out) And they too said that they left feeling like they were doubted by some that they met, as if they were seen as not “legit” because they weren’t more extreme in some way or another, or because they are monogamous, etc.
Those who’d judge and jump to conclusions about your legitimacy and express, in any way, a lack of respect for the lifestyle you two have chosen are not ‘your people’. They’re not my people, either. lol
We’re all unique and that’s a beautiful thing.
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