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Dea's How we began
I have been trying to figure out how to write this. The story of how we came to be a D/S-M couple has so many twists and turns I know there was no way to include them all. So I would sit and write my story, every time I felt like I included to much detail that had no bearing on what i was trying to say. So, I just skipped it. I never have had the right words to say. So how do I explain without sounding like a nut this amazing thing that helped save my marriage, or making my husband sound like a horrible man (which he is not at all). Sir, said he had put something up on husDom a while ago about this exact thing. So, I am cheating a little and paraphrasing what he had previously wrote. To say we are a 50 Shades couple would only be half right. Yes 50 Shades planted the idea in our heads but it took something more real to get us here. I had read the books just to see what all the fuss was about, to my surprise I ended up really liking the story. It wasn’t about the sex, it was about the relationship. I related to the story, this is what I wanted so I asked Mr.K to read them and like any man he refused, I begged some more and he still refused, like any good woman I begged some more till he finally gave in, which i know was to just shut me up. But I won who cares right :). He finally read all three books and truth be told he loved the story, again it wasn’t about the sex. He has read the books half a dozen times by now, maybe more, and most of the time he will scan through the sex scenes. Not because he doesn’t like them, but because he says the transition was the real story. That’s how we almost started our journey. I had told K I wanted what I read in the book. He took that as I wanted to try some of the kink from the book, while some toys did intrigue me I wanted the relationship they had. He did what any loving husband would do, took me to the adult book store and bought some toys. When we got home and got the toys out, he will say to this day “I had no idea what to do with them.” which is true he didn’t, it was all foreign to us, so into the drawer they went never to be used. Fast forward a few years and we were in a rut. We had become more like roommates than husband and wife. Sex, when we had it, was only on the weekends and felt more like an obligation. Truth be told I didn’t know if our marriage would last the year. Neither one of us was happy. We didn’t care if we would go days without seeing each other. It wasn’t a life for anyone. So I thought to myself ( which i’m sure he did as well), is this how i want to spend the rest of my life? The answer was clearly no. After some serious talking on what do we want, is it even each other anymore. We came to the conclusion we still loved each other with all our hearts, we didn’t want our marriage to end. So after all the talking and crying we came up with spicing up our sex life. I wanted him to dominate me in the bedroom, take control and use me as he wanted. That’s just what he did. He originally did research on BDSM, toys, limits and anything else he thought we might need to know about. We went back to the adult book store but this time he had an idea what he wanted and how to use them. There we were ready to begin, limits are written down, our contract is done and the toys are bought. That first week was mind blowing, the sex was amazing and everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. And now that we were using toys…WOW. During this time, when we weren’t in bed, we were both doing research. That’s when I found a link to a forum post on husDOM. Sir, read the post, looked around the site and joined at that moment. What he saw on the site fit us exactly. It wasn’t what we wanted, it was what we were doing in the bedroom. That’s the moment he realized we were a bedroom only D/s-M couple. From there he saw a link to subMrs, I went there and have never looked back. LK and all her words of experience and all the other subbies advice on the site helped me put into words the relationship I wanted 5 years ago but had no clue how to express them. I truly believe without husDom and subMrs, our “saved” marriage would have been temporary till the excitement of the new sex wore off. But instead we have a new lifestyle where we both feel fulfilled, loved, needed, and heard. 50 Shades might have pointed us in the right direction, but husDOM and subMrs got us to our destination. Dea
- 3 Replies
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Dea, What an awesome story! Thank you so much for sharing this! I love that your Sir has read the books multiple times and I think your Sir is right. It’s Anastasia’s and Grey’s transformation that is the story. The kinky fuckery is just the whipped cream on top! LK and Mr. Fox’s vision and dedication to their websites have changed the lives of so many people and have saved countless marriages. I am so happy that you can be counted among them. I am so glad to have gotten to know you on here and with this story have gotten to know you even better. Can’t wait to be able to meet you in person! <3
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Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, with all of the twists and turns that add to its meaning and beauty.
Your words spoke to me because we were in the same place. That desperation–can we live the rest of our married life being this miserable?–led me to the subMrs site and reinvigorated our marriage.Fast forward a few years and we were in a rut. We had become more like roommates than husband and wife. Sex, when we had it, was only on the weekends and felt more like an obligation. Truth be told I didn’t know if our marriage would last the year. Neither one of us was happy. We didn’t care if we would go days without seeing each other. It wasn’t a life for anyone. So I thought to myself ( which i’m sure he did as well), is this how i want to spend the rest of my life? The answer was clearly no.
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Yes… your words are so familiar. I wrote about it in my FA, posted under another subject here…
It’s overwhelming sometimes when we realize we truly aren’t alone in our experiences.
As I’ve said before, and truly mean from my heart – we have found a home here.
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