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Core Rules of the D/s…in our humble opinion
My Sir asked me to collaborate with him on a reply to a post for husDOM and gave me permission to post this on LK.com. What would you say are the top 5 rules for a Dom and/or sub? Thanks to AusDom for starting the conversation.
HLF
My Sir’s reply:
Aus,In your post you do not clarify whether you are looking for rules for Dom or sub, so I will provide my feedback on both. When I talk about mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual; I am talking about items such as mental (intellectual and health), physical(pleasure/pain, capabilities such as oral/anal and health/wellbeing) and emotional (understanding self and how to deal with all protocols and situations with emotional quotient and communication), spiritual (God or other ethereal connection).
The core elements are Respect and Communication in a dynamic flow. Loving, nurturing and caring intimately for the whole person on both sides. This feeds the Dom and sub. Protection and Provision is huge for the submissive, as obeying and accepting the Dom and his commands is huge for the Dom. The fighting stops when the openness starts; the Dom directs and the submissive submits and does. The beauty comes from the interplay and connection that occurs when they both take their roles seriously and act based on this.
Top 5 Sub Rules (all the time)
1. Respect: Sub will treat and show respect to their Sir, even when communicating concerns or issues during downtime (free-talk). Sub Addresses Sir with title as appropriate within established protocol levels as necessary from Low (Vanilla) to High.
2. Obey: Sub will obey and accept the dominance of their Sir yielding to his directions and will. Sub will follow any directions immediately that do not harm the sub physically, emotionally or mentally and shall present issues in downtime (free-talk) for Sir’s consideration.
3. Communicate: Sub will communicate honestly and openly with Sir. Sub will bring up issues and concerns during downtime (free talk) communication sessions. Sub shall be direct with Sir in communication, not answer questions with questions. During play, sub shall use safe words appropriately and communicate issues effectively.
4. Submit: Sub will voluntarily submit themselves to their Sir mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sub shall engage in training as directed by Sir to develop their submission and service. The sub will grow and develop themselves in a well rounded manner through learning and discipline to their full potential guided and directed by their Dom.
5. Honor: Sub will conduct themselves as a lady of poise and posture in public brining respect and honor to their Sir. Sub will address others in an appropriate honorific manner and avoid profanity in public. A good sub will bring praise from others to her Dom.Top 5 Sir Rules (at all times)
1. Respect: Sir shall treat his sub with the respect and dignity befitting a the voluntary gift of their sub’s submission. Sir will not objectify women, but show gratitude for the beauty, grace and wonder they bring to our lives. Dom’s will always respect soft and hard limits.
2. Guide: Sir shall be the leader of the dynamic and develop their sub emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically to better achieve their submission. Training plans will be developed for his sub to grow in their abilities in all areas. Sir will not create situations that undermine, belittle or reduce self-esteem. Sir will not create situations which intentionally will result in punishment unless openly part of play.
3. Lead: Sir shall protect and provide for his sub at all times. Issues causing fear, anxiety or stress shall be resolved by Sir as soon as possible. Issues that others may direct toward sub shall be assumed by Sir. Sir shall treat any issues communicated during play immediately to develop and support sub’s trust in Sir paying particular respect to safe words. The Dom is to maintain control in all situations.
4. Communication: Sir shall endeavor to discover and understand their sub’s desire, concerns, needs and fantasies. After discovery Sir shall work to resolve negative issues through training, direction or intervention. Sir shall also work to fulfill sub’s desires fantasies and needs in timely and appropriate fashion. It is the Dom’s responsibility to insure open communication and work for understanding. The fighting stops when openness starts
5. Dominance: Sir shall continually work to develop their own dominant to establish trust and intimacy. As subs require training, dominants require training. Sir shall read and research techniques for the emotional, physical and mental aspects of training both their sub and themselves. Sir shall maintain parity in expectations of the sub and themselves (i.e. if sub is to diet and exercise, sir should have a level of diet and exercise) - 12 Replies
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HLF – Thank you for sharing this. It is beautifully written and well articulated. I will be making sure my Sir reads this as well. This will be great information to pass on as we continue to gain new subs in our community.
Panda
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HLF, Thank you for sharing this! It is wonderful information! I will make sure Sir reads this, as we are both new and I think it will help him better grasp the responsibilities of a Dom. Thank you again!
TG
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Thank you for sharing, HLF. I will certainly show this to my Sir. We’re in the midst of completing our contract atm and it’s always useful to see how someone else does things.
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thank you this is exactly what I was looking for to share with my Sir too
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HLT thank you for sharing your insight and your rules to build a strong foundation and dynamics in a D/s relationship. This was very well written and please thank your Sir for me.This will help all the newbies to understand how much communication and respect between Dom and sub means to the D/s relationship. It’s a Magical Journey!
Lt
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HLF, That was tremendous! It should become “mandatory” reading for all new to the dynamic. Please thank your Sir for his time and effort and for allowing it to be posted in both sites!
Bliss. -
Thank you to you and your Sir, HLF! Very beautiful and well written. It is so important for new subs to understand that both sides have responsibilities to each other and this helps them see that! It reminds me of the “vows” my Sir and I shared during our formal acceptance. Thank you for sharing with all of us, you both are a wonderful example of the simplicity and beauty this dynamic holds.
~KLB -
New member, female married fulltime sub, test post — just to see if it works right.
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I emailed this to mine. I explained that this is a great start as to what he can expect from me, and I him.
Thank you for sharing! Your Sir seems so wise. This post was perfect for those who just can’t explain what is so important to both sides. -
This is a very nice post – I like seeing both sides of the equation represented. Super interesting and helpful.
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Thanks. This is very helpful.
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Great post. This opens up many opportunities for discussion.
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