-
Cleaning the Slate
We recently had a chat on “Cleaning the Slate”, so I thought I would post a little recap here for anyone who couldn’t make it, or if anyone would like to continue the discussion here. 🙂
Cleaning the slate, one of the most important first steps in a D/s M relationship, is essentially sitting down in DownTime with your HusDom and talking openly with each other about any marital issues, communication snags, or anything that might serve as a roadblock to working together on your D/s M. These are the things that you have hidden deep down inside because you were afraid to talk about it, too stubborn to talk about it or things that hurt, offended, scared you or your HusDom in the past that might now rear up as you start off on a new journey together. It is unpacking all of the baggage, putting it behind you so you can more forward together with a fresh start. For most of us, Cleaning the Slate is the first big Downtime.
In my experience, cleaning the late was an exercise in ALL of the foundational principles of D/s M. Honesty, Communication, Respect, Trust, Intimacy, and Love all played a part in helping BigOne and I clean our slate. I had to do an honest assessment of my own mistakes and shortcomings that had led to the troubles we had. I had to hear and accept his truth, even if it didn’t quite line up with my perception of things. We both had to be willing to communicate our past hurts, feelings, fears, insecurities…and listen respectfully to the other person’s side. We had to trust one another more than we have ever trusted before in order to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with each other, and that vulnerability led to greater intimacy, in general. I had to say some hard things about sexual intimacy, and about things he had done that caused mistrust and insecurities in me. I had to hear some things about how disrespectful I had been in our marriage, and ways in which I had torn him down and cut his authority away throughout the years. Because we love each other, we were both willing to hear each other out and move forward in forgiveness….with a goal to improve our marriage using the priciples we learned here at subMrs.
One of the things that surprised me about cleaning our slate was that it was not a one-time event. When we finished that first “Clean the Slate” Downtime, I thought I was ready to check that box off and move onto the next step, so to speak. Looking forward, not back…I thought we were done with that forever and would never return to that step. What I have learned is that though we spoke in honesty with everything we were aware of at that time, there were other issues, habits, and thought processes that have popped up as we continue down the D/s M road. With more practice at D/s M has come more awareness. We find ourselves cleaning our slate fairly regularly. BigOne may say or do something that triggers a memory or a reaction from years ago, and I will journal about it and bring it up at another DT. With kneeling and introspection, I may come to a realization of some destructive or manipulative thing I do and we will talk about it and clear the slate again.
The important thing about the tool for us is that it keeps us moving forward. Once the slate is cleaned, that particular topic doesn’t come up again. We discuss, forgive, and move on together with new perspectives and goals.
Let’s keep the discussion going….
What foundational priciples stood out to you the most when you cleaned your slate for the first time?
What sort of emotions did you experience in cleaning your slate? How did the experience draw you closer together?
What have your experiences been as you have cleared your slates? Have you found yourself going back and cleaning your slates more than once? Does it get easier as you go along? Does it get harder and deeper? What are our thoughts, questions about clearing your slates?I thought this would be a fun format to get a conversation started. If anyone has any questions, please be sure to reach out to LK or any of the more experienced sub sisters here.
-
0 Replies
Sorry, there were no replies found.
Log in to reply.