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Beginning outside the bedroom
I was wondering if anyone had their dynamic start outside of the bedroom and then move into the bedroom. Our marriage began years ago with my submission to him as HOH. I actually wanted the word “obey” in our wedding ceremony and having grown up in the 60s and 70s that made me quite unique. As a little girl I wanted nothing more than to be a full time wife and mother which I could not say out loud since all little girls at that time wanted to be doctors, lawyers and indian chiefs. Fortunately my soul mate is a man whose desires matched my own. While our sex life has never been boring it has ebbed and flowed over the years. About two years ago I began to change, beginning with my self perception (something like the mirror scene) and my husband noticed. He liked it. I read “The Marriage Diaries” by Erika Wilde which was the first BDSM (that I had read) with a married couple. While their back story has similarities to ours I believe we have more HOH and dominance/submission in ours.
Back to the beginning of this post … I was wondering if anyone has a dynamic that started outside the bedroom with daily life submission and then moved it into the bedroom. I believe I would love to add some spice and kink now that the children are older and moving out slowly but surely. Wondering how this differs, if it does, from all I’ve read on here. Forums and blog posts address starting in the bedroom primarily it seems. If I have missed a post that will help me, please point it out.
~Thank you
- 2 Replies
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Hi KC! Our dynamic sounds similar to yours. Kaiser and I have been married almost 11 years and while I actually had the pastor take the word “Obey” out of our vows, I always wanted to please my new husband. After years of denying the submissive side of myself I finally gave in. Many things lead to this but the important part is that I finally accepted who I am and not what someone else says I should be. Kaiser has always been HoH. He makes the money and I stay at home. I raise the kiddos and manage the home while he handles all financial matters (if you were to ask me what our bank account number is or who we bank with, I would have no idea! Finances stress me out and my Sir is better at handling them). So turning our marriage into a D/s dynamic outside of the bedroom was easier for us. So thats where we started. We go slow and He makes sure our foundation is always steady. As much as I want to run when it comes to the bedroom, Sir says I must be patient. He is learning and experiencing all things that were off the table for us for so long. We started with respect and open communication. I started listening and kneeling before him and he started listening and taking me into consideration. Slowly but surely we have added in rituals and rules along with more kinky stuff in the bedroom.
Every D/s dynamic is different. Each of us walks our own path with the same foundation but different stepping stones along the way. Starting in or out of the bedroom makes no difference to me, because the core of ttwd is always still there in each relationship. -
Thank you! Your subport helps. When we married I had lived on my own but He hadn’t. I have a math degree and took some courses in accounting so He put me in charge of the finances from the beginning. I make the budget, He (now) makes the money, and we go over it together regularly. It used to be weekly, then quarterly, finally annually. Now we are back to more frequently because we have become too loose in our spending. I do manage the home and raise the kids primarily but we do set aside regular time to go over their educational goals. I have started trying to set aside time each day to focus on my submission from a D/s perspective whether it is journaling, writing on my blog or just plain meditating. He is reading some instructional books now … nothing fiction as He does not believe that will give solid information. I am practicing patience as He reads and learns at the pace the rest of life will allow. I continue to submit to Him in the day-to-day and that feeds me … laundry, clean, pressed clothes for Him, sending him to work with homemade food for lunch and dinner, etc.
We are a work in progress!
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