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Balance…and how to keep D/s with life obligations
Life has been crazy to say the least, not bad but crazy. This year to keep from burning out I need to find some balance and I am struggling greatly. Quick background..5 kids at home, homeschool them and now I am the primary caretaker of my mother in law as well, she had a stroke. We have given up our dream life to care for her and we are loosing ourselves in this task. Granted there are several reasons to that not just her, basically life is crazy busy and we live opposite schedules. He goes to bed as my alarms is going off. It makes for very long weeks.
We have several small things to keep us connected during the week. We also have scheduled time on the weekends and try to have a night away every two months. However I can feel myself getting very resentful towards her. I have spoken to Sir but he has no ideas because there doesn’t seem to be anything we can change. It has stressed him out even more than usual.
The biggest issue is she walks right into our room whenever she wants, even when it is locked. She just unlocks the door and comes on in. Well now Sir wants to back off of the things we like so we won’t have to explain to anyone. Honestly part of me gets what he is saying and another part wants to throw a freaking tantrum. We are happier now than every before and I am scared if we give up anymore we will go back to vanilla fights and all.
So my question is have anyone been able to find balance between D/s and life obligations, such as caring for ailing parents?
Maybe I just need someone to talk to that would understand my frustrations. Thanks. -
8 Replies
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Why is she unlocking the door? Can your Sir have a chat with her about personal boundaries when it comes to your bedroom? Did the stroke cause some sort of handicap so she doesn’t think to ask?
I’m sorry it’s caused stress for the both of you. Not much advice as we don’t have parents living with us. We do deal with crazy schedules and kids though. We are still working out how to make everything work for us as well. -
The stroke caused memory issues, most often she doesn’t realize she crossed a line. When she is coherent she is quite lovely.
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That definitely makes it harder then. Is there the option of changing the door knob to one that can’t be unlocked from the outside?
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That is a simple idea I should have thought of it, thanks. I will add that to my list of improvements to the bedroom..right after paint.
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Wow. You sure are dealing with a lot! I don’t have a parent living with us, but we do homeschool our 4 kids and had an Aunt, Uncle, and 2 cousins who moved in with us for 2 years. They just moved out at the beginning of this school year. They homeschooled, too, so my house was literally NEVER empty, and even when I could find a place for my kids to go for a few hours, my Aunt and her family were always here. I can relate to trying to balance a crazy life with D/s M. All I can say is that clinging to our D/s M in every miniscule way we could think of probably saved our marriage in the midst of all of that stress. We stole moments when we could, I stopped reading BDSM books that gave me unrealistic expectations in the fragile state I was in, we learned to play in quiet ways…more mental control than physical, and we designed “secret” words and signals that had meaning to only us and could be said in front of the vanillas. We also perfected the art of texting and living out our D/s on our cell phones right in the same room. LOL This is a HARD season you are in, but don’t give up on your D/s M. Let it be your anchor. Talk openly about your frustrations and disappointments with your Sir. Expressing them doesn’t mean you expect him to fix everything..it’s just a honest communication about what is going on inside that pretty subbie head of yours. 🙂 I wish you all the best as you work together through this season. It is a beautiful and kind thing you are doing taking care of your mother, and the blessing of that kind of generosity will surely be rewarded. 🙂
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A lock isn’t really a lock if someone on the outside can unlock it! Changing the door knob should be inexpensive and quick. I would do it before the painting. My mom lives with us but has not physical or mental issues but it still makes life interesting. We have made our bedroom our escape from the rest of the world and no once comes in if they don’t have permission, not our kids or anyone else that might be in our house. (We run our businesses from our home so there always seems to be someone in our house.). A good lock on the door won’t solve all of your problems but it should help a little bit.
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We have a two day getaway planned, so that will be nice. The rest is still a work in progress.
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I’m sure that will be such a breath of fresh air for you. Enjoy your getaway! Maybe you can set aside a little time for a nice, productive DownTime to discuss solutions to some of the other issues that work for both of you. 🙂
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