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Back after long hiatus. Patience pays off?
Hi everyone,
I joined here around February of last year, about 6 months into a relationship. The relationship took on D/s undertones right from the start – actually, even before we dated, when we were hanging out as friends (early Covid so that also seemed to add a level of intensity to everything) and then once we were romantic it started to feel like that’s where we were headed. I found this site, and the predictable sub-frenzy began 😆 however our relationship was still too new for me to feel comfortable bringing it up to him in an overt way – particularly when it came to bringing D/s into our lifestyle and not just the bedroom. I began to realize that my frenzy was a little premature and decided to take the pressure off myself and our relationship by putting further explorations on hold. I think some of our early D/s bedroom exploration may have freaked him out a little, and “the wolf” (as we called his Dominant alter ego) went away completely for a while. I just took a deep breath and tried to let it go, hoping/trusting the Wolf would return when he was ready!Over the past 11 months, our relationship has smoothed out and strengthened. We both have kids from previous marriages and won’t get married until a couple more of them have flown the nest for some logistical reasons, but we have bought property together including a house right around the corner from his, where my kids and I will be moving pretty soon, and are settling into much more of a shared life. Over the past month or so, “the Wolf” has begun to return on a more regular basis. Then out of the blue, Sir started talking about putting together a series of 3-4 hour events where I would have “missions”, we would experiment with new toys, role playing, etc. What he was describing sounded a lot like a scene…so I asked where he’d gotten the idea and he said it had come out of his own head. We then started dancing around the topic of D/s, and how that can be something that plays out in the bedroom only but also that the bedroom play can help feed a lifestyle which helps feed the bedroom play and so on… I mentioned that it was something that appealed to me, and he admitted how much it appeals to him too, and it led to some of the best conversations we’ve had about our past relationships, deepest desires, and the deep-down feeling of rightness in domination and submission. He’s joined HusDOM and we are now trying to figure out how to best move forward, but I’m very excited – especially that it almost seems like he came up with the idea on his own completely independent from my previous frenzy! Of course, now he’s in the early stages of information gathering and I sense he is maybe in a bit of a frenzy of his own 🙂 so it may take a little time for us to see eye to eye on how and when to get started, as well as which elements of D/s to incorporate and which ones aren’t for us (at least for now.) I think we are feeling closer than ever, though, and both very excited about the future. Just wanted to share, as I know some of the advice I’ve read here over and over centers around BEING PATIENT and you were all totally right! I guess sometimes partners will be on different timelines and it can take time to align them. My initial intuition and instinct – that this is where we were always headed – was correct! Just took a little time for us to be on the same page. Very excited to be diving back in 🙂
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3 Replies
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Hello Gazelle, I am glad you are back. It is a wonderful thing seeing our Doms coming into their own. This is the place to be. The two of you should check out all of the podcasts. They are really good and inspiring. I encourage you to join our subMrs Discord channel. They have one through the husDom sight as well. Our communities are subportive and we have lots of information so helpful with our dynamics. We do have a zoom chat tomorrow night. Please always check our calendar. Welcome back.
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Gazelle!!!!! Freaking HIGH FIVE LADY!
You are so correct about your journey and so many others! D|s-M is a finicky BITCH! She will be there then disappear when you least expect it to…
Timing is everything and we have to understand if it doesn’t happen right then, then it is not the right time…. BUT, DON’T give up… you may just have to wait for your partner to come around.
CONGRATS!!!!
So happy for you!
(On the DL… most men need to think things are their idea and we are ok with that because we do get what we need in the end… Literally! ) WINK WINK!
WELCUM BACK!
HUGS!
LK
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Thanks for the “welcome back” subrianne and Kaninchen! I am very excited. I think the Discord community is new since I was last active, so I’ll see if I can figure that out.
When I first found subMRS, I found this article: https://submrs.com/phases-of-dominance-submission-fsog-lifestyle-my-reality/ very helpful as a sort of general benchmark of what to expect and do to set ourselves up for success. I am now referring back to it and finding it resonates even more deeply. I imagine there is a similar article on HusDOM? If so, lk, do you know what search terms might help him find it?
Right now he is very focused on “doing D/s right” and I think it would be helpful for him to have a more definitive road map (I tend to be the free spirit one of the two of us who makes it up as I go, but in these unchartered waters, I also find myself benefitting from a reference guide.)
Thanks again!
Phases of Dominance & Submission| FSOG Lifestyle | My Reality
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