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Advice Welcome
Hey All! I am not new to the BSDM lifestyle but am new to the BDSM-M Side of it and more importantly recently the dynamic I have with my Sir has changed to what fits our needs/marriage the best. I need some help from all of you wonderful subs out there. I really struggle with letting go of my dominance at home (I work as a childcare teacher so I am a dominant at work), and meeting my Sirs needs and sometimes that creates a lot of tension for us. We talked a lot this morning about what things bother both of us (though the middle turned into more of an argument than a discussion but we worked through it and got it solved), but I want your advice. How do you let go and let him be the dominant one (I really struggle with topping from the bottom which he HATES!)? Also what are some ways that you let your Dom know you are thinking about him or there to meet his needs (Note: I currently do not have a phone because we are working on getting it fixed)
Thank you for any advice/wisdom you have and share, it is VERY appreciated!
I look forward to hearing from you!
~Sirs Princess~ -
4 Replies
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Good morning SirsPrincess!
I think that the more you get to know the subs in this community, you will find you are not alone in being an assertive professional woman.
As far as how to turn that off in order to be submissive to your Sir, it may just take a little practice. I have heard it described this way: At work, even the boss has someone that he (or she) answers to, and if that person walks in they get instant respect and deference from the person who is usually in charge. It’s exactly like that. I am in control at my job and in my personal life. The only person who has authority to take the reins from me in my Dominant.
I hope that helped. Come join us in Daily subMrs chat and we can talk more specifically about your dynamic.
Hugs!!
Staci -
Hello and welcome to submrs SirsPrincess!
Staci is totally correct…you are not alone here with this issue. Many of us have demanding careers where we take the lead and are quite dominate in that role. I’ve struggled with the same issue, especially when Sir and I first began forming our dynamic. It was suggested to me to discuss this with Sir and try to find a small ritual or two when I got home to help transition my mindset. My Sir always drinks a cup of coffee when he gets home from work, so the solution was that when we got home, I would make and serve his cup of coffee and give him a kiss. Simple right? It was nothing that the kids couldn’t see or were even aware was anything to do with D/s-M and I found that it did help me switch into mindset a lot easier. Also, it was just a kind thing for me to do for him and show him my submission every day, so I think it helped us both.I’ve never thought of it the way Staci has put it, but I agree that it can be very much like when I have to take a call from the CEO. So, in the dynamic that my Sir and I have, I might be a strong, willful woman in “my office”, but he is the one in charge of “our company” and I respect that.
Smooches,
V -
Hi SirsPrincess..
I can relate somewhat in that I tend to be a bit of a control freak and struggle with having tobhave things a certain way or better put.. “my” way. It is really something I have to make a daily and conscious effort to set aside. Sir and I are only a couple months into the D/s-M lifestyle but a couple things that have helped me with that is 1)Communicating my struggle with needing to control and dictate things to Sir and asking for His accountability when He sees it rear its ugly head. He is happy to do that and we now have a little code reminder of sorts where He will listen and then say, “Let it go, I’ve got this.” That has really helped remind me that He does indeed have Our/my best interests at heart and I can let Him take the reins.
2)I’ve started reciting Mr.Fox & lk’s S.O.A.P mantra every morning and evening and text it to Sir throughout the day.. I will: Serve Your needs, Obey Your orders, Accept Your Dominance, Please Your desires. It really helps me stay in a submissive mindset toward Sir regardless of the other situations through the day where I need to take charge or be assertive.As to how I let Him know I am thinking about Him… we do a daily checkin via text.. very formal.. me receiving His direction and instructions for the day and me thanking Him, sending affirmations and well wishes for His day to be productive at work and expressing my belief in His abilities and talents and show of support kind of thing. Also throughout the day I usually send some type of photo with some sexting, dirty flirting, etc. Sometimes of me, parts of me lol, or hot pics with submissive quotes I find by googling. He seems to appreciate those a LOT! Rofl
I think it’s awesome that you and your Sir had some good communication this morning.. even when it goes sideways a bit, it’s always good to get it out there!
HuGs to you!
freedom -
Thank you all for the amazing support and advice. It is great to know I am not alone! Last night Sir and I ate dinner out (brought it home but still) We watched a movie together (though I was so tired, I was falling asleep in the middle of it). I’m glad its Friday so this weekend we can spend time together (the nice part about my M-F job). Hopefully we will be able to talk and get some things really figured out this weekend! Have a great day!
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